Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Day 46: What is God?

I'm going to go backwards today. The day ended with a really nice lecture from Bikram on "What is God?" He was in a great mood, really compassionate and loving today. He just got back from his friend Bishu's funeral in India. Sadly, I had to spend a bit of time in the, ahem, toilet, due to having the runs, but I was there for the bulk of his talk. His main point was this: Don't ever hurt another soul. And, if you do, you will pay the consequences with interest. He told stories of a woman who stole $25K from him that was intended to build his first yoga school in 1973; within two months, both her only child and her husband died before their times. He said he pleaded with God, "that's enough! two lives for $25K??? that's enough!" - but it was her karma. Bikram's theme was the point that God is in you, and your soul - when you lie, cheat, steal or hurt another (or, even plan to whether or not you carry it out) you hurt your own soul. It knows.

This tied into a lot of the forgiveness I've worked on while I've been here. Which, btw, has been progressing nicely, thank you very much...but it makes me look back at my part in these transgressions. And, in some cases, I can see - I screwed up to the tune of let's say $25, and I paid for it with $2,500. It makes me realize that in many ways, the people involved in these things are irrelevant - it's more about our experience of paying up, if you will, for our own wrongs. And from that, hopefully we (I) learn not to do that again, period. Whatever it is - whatever wrongs one does - you pay 100x or 1000x a price, and that lesson is burned in your mind. So, it was a really nice talk, and for me, it lifted another layer of forgiveness as well as adding a layer of self-responsibility (which I had in a sense, but not with this kind of awareness or clarity).

Bikram also taught a rockin', up-beat, happy 5 p.m. class. I was up front but evaded any notice. It was also my first class done with my butt cheeks clenched the whole time (again, the runs) - now that is fun! Everyone should try it! Talk about good times - imagine the joy I felt in Wind-Removing pose! ;) Really, I did fine. I would just be so pissed if I had to leave the room - at this point when I've come this far - ouch. But, perhaps that is my path. I'm just letting it be. In this case, I did not.

Oh! And, I reqlinquished my Tower of Shame, the orange water jug. Now, I respect Mary's advice on water, but doing this two times/day with the runs, now is not the time for no water class (I did do one earlier in training though! I know I can!). But, I just brought my Camel with 32 oz. of water, which I drank at appropriate times and finished at the end of class in the savasana. My neighbor did give me a handful of ice at the end which I added to the bottle. Note to self, Jenn: Don't use two whole limes in such a small container. By the end, it tasted like warm lime juice. Yums. Anyhow, great class!

The afternoon was posture clinic, we're well into Rabbit but since I wasn't feeling it, I just waited and will do it tomorrow. No biggie. I can't believe we'll be on Separate Leg with Stretching Pose tomorrow! It's really coming around. Crazy.

Morning class was good for a morning class. I can't complain but was glad when it was over (and, glad that I didn't have any issues). I still fear/get anxious about morning classes because they are harder for me than afternoon classes. In the morning during half moon, my arms are sooooo heavy, and at evening class, I almost feel like I don't have arms they are so light! It is what it is. Tomorrow is Thursday already! For as slow as Week 6 felt, Week 7 is flying by!

Pix: Classes #69 & 70!!!!!!!!; Check out that t-shirt, referenced in a comment on my blog, I sought out Jessica from Texas who was wearing it (how convenient!); Bikram.


Meg said...

Awesome Jenn.

I hope you feel better soon!

Love you lots and can't wait to see you in less than 3 weeks.


digdeeper said...

I just want to add to your lovely post that while the wrong you do can have a 100X negative effect - the good you do - and the giving you do can come back to you in multiples as well - also I find when I make a choice where I trust the universe where I could have been all about me and mine - the universe repays me - that's not the reason I do - but I am seldom disappointed.

on another note - thank you for sharing Mary's comments about water - I have done the last 3 classes without even bringing water into the room and I did just fine - I noticed I craved it a few times - after eagle, "aqua -asana" and at the end
but I just watched my mind rationalize the need and said no - the need passed -

I was really hoping to come to Acapulco to practice at the back of the room - as it turns out my Mexico photo shoot was moved to mid- June -
but in solidarity with you - I have been practicing twice a day - and I have to share that I have lost
9 pounds this week so far - (I was stuck for 2 months with no weight movement - practicing ever day)

You have been such an inspiration to me and I have also really enjoyed reading Frankie's blog
he has really changed - thank you for the link

I know you will miss this time when it is over -
I will have to come to Seattle to take one of your, what I'm sure will be awesome and inspirational classes.


Leah said...

Okay, totally shallow comment here (especially after the deepness of your post)...but doesn't it look like Bikram is flipping you all off in the last frame? :)

Carola said...

keep on keepin' on girl.

i was feeling rather ill the other morning, nauseated, for whatever reason, and figured, well, i can feel like crap laying in bed another hour, get up and continue feeling awful through the rest of the morning and who knows how much longer,

OR!!! I could go plug the space heaters in, wait 30 min for the bathroom to get good and HOT and feel like crap doing the practice, and HEY~ I'm right next to the toilet anyway, so if things go south in a hurry, well, how convenient really!
and since i am on a 118 day streak, well, we all know i plugged em in...AND, of course, we all also know that I remembered sometime in stretching that I felt so bad about 80 minutes ago. I also had the fleeting thought that, may this not be training for what may be at training, but if so, well, i know i can do it even feeling far less that good!

Funny how the practice heals in so many ways!
I still wouldnt look forwward to total glute muscle mania class, but glad you made it! remember, this too shall pass! as all things do...

Ruth said...

Hi Jenn,

Just want to say that I love reading your blog and try to catch it every day now. Am thinking of trying to make teacher training happen maybe this fall - (have been thinking of it for years so we'll see) and your information and insights are so so helpful and inspiring. I also just saw your list of things to pack the other day before you left - that is fabulous and invaluable - would love to know what your list would be in hindsight!!
I was in class today with ... Mary Jarvis - I am very lucky & blessed to have being a student in her school for 8/9 years now. Anyway she was talking about 'Jenn' and the 'water' when we were in one of our savasanas and I realized it was you and asked her if it was 'Jenn from Seattle' as I had not yet read the "bonus post" and it was you so just so you know your blogs is being read far and wide and you are being talked about in yoga studios:)!
Thanks for sharing your experience - look forward to hearing more and I think you are going to be an amazing and very inspiring bikram yoga teacher.

Ruth Lynch
San Francisco

schultzcactus said...

Hi Jenn,
Your blog is super inspiring!
I want to do a teacher training soon but I'm unsure how to finance it. I know it's sort of personal but could you tell us (or me) if you had any creative ways to pay for training?