Sunday, May 11, 2008

Bonus Post: Confessions

I was raised Catholic, so I have a guilt complex. In light of it being the Lord's day, I thought I'd share this extra Sunday post will come later when I have some photos to put up. Oh, and I added new photos to yesterday's post, so if you read it already go have a look.

Ok, Having such a great experience here at teacher training has pushed those ‘guilt’ buttons. So to re-affirm that I am not implying that I am perfect, here are the ways I sometimes cheat to get by. After this, I will feel absolved of my sins (perhaps I’ll throw in a few Hail Mary’s for good measure though…):

Yoga Class Compensation: The one place it seems many of us have ritual is in prepping for and participating in yoga class. I always have my Orange Tower of icy lime water; and a back-up that I often never touch, but often give away to others or drink on the way back to my room. My other big treat is that I take a washcloth with 3 drops of lavender oil on it – this started after a pair of particularly stinky feet landed inches from my nose in the spine series on the floor. While we’re all completely over being grossed out by bodily functions (re: towel origami people) – still, in that moment, I thought, “If I could just smell something…pleasant…it would help.” Now on occasion people notice and if I remember, I bring them one to the next class. ☺

There are vents on the ceilings. Rows 6 and 7, ah…..and I am not ashamed that in the midst of line rotation, when I’m in “4-5-6” or “7-8-9” I will get a spot under the vents without apology. It’s not like A/C, but airflow can make such a huge difference in your practice. Those classes are often ones where I can just relax, be with my body, and practice some kickass yoga. So I’ll confess it, but not apologize for it!

Lately I’ve rediscovered my iPod. I now pop it on between ‘evolutions’ – walking to posture clinic, waiting for lecture to start, and even on my mat before yoga class. Just a song or two can really allow me a momentary escape. A few minutes of seemingly alone time in a sea of 275 people can really recharge someone like me (as a primo-extrovert, I can get a lot out of a little in this regard). Reading a few pages of my book, not over-investing in others when I need something for myself….I feel guilty for not being 'present', but I know it’s the right answer for me.

I’m happy to report food has NOT been a crutch for me at all. Sometimes it’s a treat, like being allowed to have sugar on the weekends – but that’s more about moderation for me than it is about reward/crutch. During the week, it’s really just food – I’m enjoying eating like anyone, but there’s not fixation or desperation about it. Some nights for dinner I have a V-8, a piece of string cheese, a few nuts or crackers and that’s it. And it’s totally fine. (Those who’ve known be for a long time, or who’ve had eating disorder issues of your own, will get the significance of “non-attachment to food”).

So I’m not perfect. I’m owning it. I love my ice water, my lavender towel, sugar on the weekends, and those blessed ceiling vents. I realize a true yogi needs nothing but herself; still, I’m not there yet – but I recognize my patterns (as Craig always says) and work to be reasonable in accessing the “extras.”

Sunday post to follow later today! Thanks for all the fun comments and insights this week. Week 6 starts tomorrow - it's so hard to believe!


Melicia said...

Jenn, if you have time can you explain Bikram's "no green" rule? Thanks!

mp said...

oh my gosh! lavender oil on a washcloth! this is the best idea i've heard in ages. i think this might be the thing that transforms my practice!!! the funky feet smell of the bikram studio i go to has really been bumming me out!
thank you thank you thank you.
and i'm really enjoying reading your blog by the way :)