Sunday, May 18, 2008

Day 43: Sweet Sunday!

Jenn goes to Sunday yoga...I don't know why exactly, but its such a nice class, on my terms. It's like a regular old class at home, and because they are having teacher recertification this weekend, they moved our class to 9 a.m. which is a way better time than the usual 11 a.m. offering (which is like right in the middle of the day). So, another bonus class for me! Though I only slept 5 hours due to the learn-Camel marathon in the lobby until 2 a.m., still, I had good energy in class and throughout today.

This weekend was so much about studying, hanging out with some different people and just listening to my iPod by the pool. I found myself restless too. I'm not sure why - I don't suppose I really need to know why. Perhaps it's the fact that tomorrow starts Week 7, and people are starting to talk about anxiety over this experience ending. "What will it be like once we all go home?" "It's so beautiful here, I don't want to leave..." "I guess we can't train forever, huh?" True. And I think it takes a while to get in the routine, and most people are in it now. Mine has changed a little week over week, but I got in a groove pretty early. And those who know me, know I like my groove(s). So yeah, perhaps some of my angst and antsiness this weekend were about "Week 7" feeling like, "wow, only two more Mondays after tomorrow, only two more Saturdays..." etc.

This weekend, I met cool chick who is here and has lost 115 pounds doing Bikram and dieting. She was super cool, had her before pictures with her (I should've done that, Jill even suggested it!) and looks amazing. She said, since being here, she's lost 25 pounds. Jenn turned green with jealously in that moment. Oy. 25??? 25??? And I'm smack dab the same? She said she's been eating about 1500 calories. Well, I've been at around 1750-2000, give or take, which is more, but should have yielded some result. A little bit about my metabolism, folks :( And while it bummed me out ("I just don't got to the buffet much and eat in my room." she said, which I thought, "Man, you are a better woman than me.") I realize that I didn't really come here to lose weight (it was a hope!) but rather to do yoga, to grow, and to become a fantastic yoga teacher (one day, eventually, in the future ;). So I let the green drain from my face, and was just happy for her, and happy for me too. My body has changed leaps and bounds, without question, and people tell me almost daily how much skinnier I look - so even though at times I can't see it, others do, so it's happening.

This past week was a good one. The group seems to be in good spirits. Overall, a lot of people have left - I've heard numbers like 20-30 since the inception, but I know of at least 1 last week. I can't imagine getting this far and having to go, but honestly, I can see where that might be one's path...this is rough, and breaking points come at different places for different people. One class recently, I stopped to see if a girl whom I'd talked to a few times was ok, she was sobbing in the fetal position on her mat. I knelt down, asked, and she knocked her water bottle out of the way and lunged up at me with open arms, sobbing on my shoulder for a good bit. Another girl came to help out too, and when it was over, the girl who had been upset said, "Well, that was expected."

That's the thing here, you just have to really realize that you don't know what you're going to get - any yoga class, any day, any week - and as with about everything I experience here, it's a metaphor for life. The practice of non-attachment to ideas, things, and expectations can really set you free. I think back to the nights Bikram was keeping us up until 2 or 4 a.m., and those who were super attached to their sleep really, really suffered. They just freaked out and it was because they really wanted, needed, and felt entitled to their sleep. As someone who isn't super attached to sleep (I always seem to get by...), I was like "Well, this sucks, but what can I do." While perhaps I suffered slightly, it was nothing compared to some people. And to look at it this way and think "In that situation, who won?" Well, Bikram did with a lot of people - he stole their peace. They let him. Not a criticism of people who enjoy sleep, I have friends who enjoy sleep. :) But rather to say, we all have these things we have to have, think we need, believe we deserve/are entitled to, and though I struggle with the notion of balance when it comes to this idea (it is fair, it seems to expect to sleep every night, right?) it also seems letting go really does produce a lightness, a freedom and a peace that may not be possible when one is gripping for dear life onto these things.

Pix: Me, above, after my bonus class (#67 for me personally, I have done 2 extras); and Marshall, a pal, with his poolside coconut!


Cristine said...

Jenn, this is my favorite post that you have written. You are so right about having an idea about something and not being able to let go of that idea can really hold you back. "The practice of non-attachment to ideas, things, and expectations can really set you free." I will always remember this quote. It will help me get through my 100 day challenge this summer and training in the fall. THANK YOU!!

heidi jo. said...

wow, you are becoming wiser, young grasshopper :)
i am so proud of you.
i wanted to ask you some questions about training- perhaps when you're through, because i know that you have little time for correspondence- but i will contact you again once you're done. you're almost there! stay strong and keep smiling.
-heidi jo
phoenix, arizona
bikram yoga paradise valley

Carola said...

right on girl~
and thanks for putting it into words!
I write a lot, have quotes that strike me on the fridge, have copied a few things you relay from what someone in lecture said here or there. All these things to constantly assist the nonattachment to, well, everything. We really DO have such a ridiculously amazing talent for attaching, dont we. Hmm.
Continuing the journey is key. Thing is, we never really know what that is going to look like from one day to the next.
Have a fab week~ I am looking so forward to my up and coming time there in sept...