Bikram Teacher Training

End of 2008 and End of Yogabootcamp Blog!

2008-12-31T20:45:00.000-08:00

Well, the year is over - and wow - what a year in terms of yoga for me! A year ago, I had just finished up my first 60-day challenge after getting serious about my practice a mere 3 months earlier...and then the decision to go to training...and then actually GOING to training...and now teaching since June. I could rattle on forever, as you all know, but I won't. I'll just wrap up the year - and this blog (I'll have a new one...see below) - in this post.

There is a lot to say - about the yoga, about teaching, and about my practice in particular. I am happy to report I still love the yoga, without question. I want everyone to do it but I realize (now) that it's not for everyone, though ideally that decision is made after giving it an honest go :) It continues to be a thread of goodness that weaves through my life in many, many ways - on and off the mat. I'm honestly grateful for it.

Teaching is a whole journey of a different kind. It is at it's most basic level - at times - a job. Other times, it's the most amazing experience - giving the yoga to people who want, need and love the yoga is a privilege I truly enjoy. Sometimes it's exhausting, other times it's energizing. Sometimes I just don't want to go to work - but I love teaching. I have evolved so much already, and I realize it's just the tip of the iceberg. It's so much like my practice in so many ways - ebbs and flows, easy and hard, focused and not-so-much, seemingly flawless for mere moments followed up by feeling like an utter disaster...but always with a strong dedication and effort which I can hold my head up and feel good about. I've taught many classes - I'm not sure exactly how many, but somewhere around 125 or more so far...

My practice - wow. I did 294 classes this past year, that of course, with the influx of 100ish at training. I seem to average about 5x/week without too much negative impact to my body or schedule or mind. That said, some weeks it's not enough, other weeks, it feels like too much. So I give myself permission to do what feels right - being honest with myself and limiting my lameness around being lazy or just planning poorly. My postures are coming along, and my focus has been really good over the past couple months. I'm setting goals for 2009 - a few around posture-specific stuff, a few around habits. I think it'll be good. And it will.

One thing related to both aspects is that Jill is now dedicated to doing Bikram yoga 4x/week, sometimes 5, but very rarely less. It's fun to take class with her, or have her take one of my classes - and it's nice to have someone at home who's into it, simply put. She's really into her backbending, and is working on her Standing Head to Knee, and it's fun to watch her progress.

Where to from here? Well, since this blog was really intended to detail my teacher training experience (and, well, I can honestly say I think I got'it done :) I'm going to close this blog out with this post. I'm going to keep writing about the yoga, it's impact on my life personally in terms of taking, teaching, and how it all impacts my body (in many ways, including weight loss/maintenance), my mind and my life in general.

Please join me there in the future:

www.yogajenn.blogspot.com

Yoga to the people! Thanks for reading :)
Namaste.

Acapulco Day 8: Sunday (the end...)

2008-10-12T23:22:00.001-07:00

Advanced class!!! I did it, first off. Finally, after wanting to try it for a long, long time, I did the Advanced Series and lived to tell about it!

Secondly, I did it with Christian, which was so cool since we did our first Bikram class together back in September of 2006...he recently went to Jason Winn's weekend advanced workshop, so he was excited to get to do it again so soon. Anyhow, it was just 6 of us, 3 who have done it extensively, and Kylie, from Brisbane, who was also doing it for the first time. Can I just say: IT WAS SO COOL. Teisha and Dale taught, and were so generous and supportive of us all, giving us time to really try each one - we took the better part of 2 hours, when 90 minutes is the goal - super kind of them to take the time though, I appreciated it so much, because I've wanted to do it for so long.

Here's why, and Christian had said this and I'll second it: You get to feel like a beginner again. That is, you're doing postures thinking, "No way in bloody hell will I EVER be able to do this one. No way. No way." I remember feeling that in the beginning series back in that fateful first class with Nina, and guess what, I can do all of the Beginning class relatively respectably. Second, it was crazy to experience FEAR again - there were a good handful that I could feel my fear stopping me. I think fear in yoga is normal, at first, it might even be wise - your body is telling you that perhaps you aren't strong enough to do something safely. But, usually, I think fear is just that: Fear. And I felt it! Crow, I'm always worried I'll break my wrists. Headstand - what a different view of the world. Handstand? Hopeless....for now. And you know my takeaway in terms of my own practice? Joy! Joy to have a new set of challenges, material to work on, to practice, to grow into.

And as a teacher? What better way to re-visit the experience my students are having when they show up for their first Bikram class. To relate to how they feel when they first see someone do Fixed Firm when their knees are screaming; or when they look at Eagle with utter confusion, and you can see that look on their face that says, "No f'ing way, man." Such a good reminder of all of these things - that it's easy for the teacher to say "Don't scare" but you know what? It's still scary sometimes!!! And overcoming fear, learning patience as your body slowly grows into a posture, whatever it is for you - it's your practice - and it's good for me as a student and a teacher to be reminded of all this. Now, if someone in Seattle would just please please please start holding advanced!!! (We're working on it in a grass roots kinda way, but no luck yet :(

From there, Christian, Kylie and I had lunch and I headed out to the airport, got to Houston, and then hopped on my flight back to Seattle.

Final thoughts on the trip?

- I'm so glad I went back, esp. while training is still in Acapulco. It was important for me to revisit my experience in the same environment/space I was in as a student. (It's rumored to be moving again, to Palm Springs is the word on the street).
- I loved it! I loved supporting the students as a peppy visiting teacher and hopefully providing a little relief/support to the hard-working staff.
- Oh, and I did get a good appreciate for that too, the staff and how incredibly hard their jobs are too. I figured and always felt that they must be exhausted too, and indeed, it's true. Those are some hard jobs they signed up for.
- It was great to get to take 11 classes from senior teachers, as well as getting to do advanced.
- Posture clinics were super fun to do, and helped me revisit the dialogue myself, and re-commit to some things I'd drifted from already.
- It was fun to be a teacher, have choices, visit and talk to other teachers and experience the whole thing from a different point of view.
- How was it compared to my training? Again, I don't think you can compare. I think there have been some really positive changes made, and at the same time, I can't imagine going through training in a way different from what I experienced. I am sad for this gang not to have Craig, who for me was the person who pushed me on and off the mat in a way I will always be grateful for; but that said, people get what they need and I expect the folks in training now are getting what they need.
- I enjoyed my Huevos Rancheros at the buffet everyday, I cannot tell a lie.

I'm excited to get back in the hot room as a teacher - I've got 8 classes this coming week which will be great! I head to yoga-less Arkanses in about 10 days with Jill, and we're there for 10 days - so that will be a total yoga break and that will be ok. I've been hauling ass on the yoga since September 1st, and it's been great, but a little time away always makes the heart grow fonder for it, at least in my case :)

Hit your mat soon if you haven't lately!!! :)

p.s. A few favorites heard this week in classes....

"Time is over."
"Think of it...."
"All your life you pull someone else's leg, now you learn how to pull your own heels..."
"Get your f'ing hips DOWN."
"Nothing happening."

And one last thought - I really didn't remember Bikram himself using so much of the dialogue, verbatim. Over and over in his classes this week I was shocked and surprised at the amount and detail of the dialogue coming out of his mouth. With added color, of course :)

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Pix: Christian & I after Advanced; and a few final images of the pretty sunshine in Mexico, and random shots from TT, including Chunky & Kimi, the resident Golden Retrievers; Todd with Orange Jug; and me and BJ, who practices at my home studio and is kickin' ass and takin' names at training!

Acapulco Day 7: Saturday

2008-10-11T23:17:00.000-07:00

Well, Saturday Todd did me the honor of going to morning class with me...most likely because there isn't an afternoon class on Saturday. It was the 3rd class with Marlin for the week, and it was good. The hard thing about Saturday morning is that no one wants to be there. It's the last "i" to dot and "t" to cross for a day and a half of glorious freedom, and it just feels forever (as I remember it). At the same time, once class starts, it's easy to just focus on the fact that in 90 minutes, no one owns you for nearly 48 hours! What joy! Still, Saturday classes bring a combination of frustrated, angry, tired and just plain lame energy.

And, let's couple that vibe in the room with the *wicked* sore throat I awoke with. Oy. I brought a cough drop and drank more water than I even wanted to just to soothe my throat. It was by far my lamest class of the week, but I did it! All 11 classes, which was my goal and commitment to myself in return for the spending of $$ to go. Plus, I must say in the end, a week of doubles felt like pure luxury! It was the only thing I actually *had* to do; normally I ain't got that kinda time, you know? I'm usually running between teaching and clients and my practice and my girlfriend and my friends and my family and and and...so to just have a week to do yoga, help out with posture clinics, and kick it with Todd watching trashy TV and eating pretty decent food, well, I'm feeling grateful!

Another super exciting event was the owner of a local affiliated studio was visiting, and I was able to meet with her and land some classes (finally!!!) at an affiliated studio! I'm really excited and will begin in November, initially plugging gaps in the schedule, and then hopefully getting a few established classes going forward. We'll see how it goes! My next step now is to look at my big picture and perhaps start to limit the number of studios I'm at in the near future, which will also hopefully make room for some of the new kids coming up from training.

Mid-afternoon Christian arrived and had lunch with Todd, and then he and I visited by the pool while Todd continued his quest to beat my score on Wurdle (didn't happen, fyi). Then the three of us went to dinner at our favorite, 100% Natural, which we all agreed tasted far better when we were in training than it did this trip :) Everything is relative, I suppose. From there, we just all headed back to chill out and do a little packing to go home.

At some point I ran into Louis (staffer) who told me that there was ADVANCED CLASS IN THE MORNING! I nearly screeched with joy! I have wanted to do advanced ever since the day after we graduated, when it was offered but I was too...er...tired/hungover/beat up from training to drag myself there. I've kicked myself for missing the opportunity for a long time. So, tomorrow, it's my first Advanced Class! Yay!!

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Pix
Me and Todd after our last class together; Half Tortoise set up; me after class; Todd with his companion, my iPhone, playing Wurdle; Room 712, the room I lived in for 9 weeks in the Spring; Todd & I NOT all sweaty on our way to dinner; Christian being a goofball with his longed-for 100% Natural Pineapple with Camerones!

Acapulco Day 6: Friday

2008-10-10T21:50:00.000-07:00

Friday already! I'm so sad :( I can't believe my week here is about to come to a close - it went so flippin' fast, I can hardly believe it! Today was really just more of the same. Morning class at 8:30 was pretty damn hot, but I had a decent practice. Marlin taught again, and I liked her class more this time. First time was fine, this time was just better. Then I came back, fetched Todd and we went to lunch before heading to Posture Clinic.

We both participated in Posture Clinic this afternoon - my group finished up Separate Leg Stretching and started Triangle. I again was with Louis who again gave me ample opportunity to participate. We essentially took turns, alternating whoever went up. Both groups I had (ironically) had before, so it was cool to see people developing and getting better at it.

Afternoon class with was with Bikram. I went in and noticed a crazy gap in the room, right in front of the podium. The last night he taught, the second row was sparse and he was like, "What is up in Row 2? Did someone shit there or something!?!" And was not happy. So I asked a staffer if we should have people move up to fill it in, and indeed, he agreed. So Todd and I helped with moving people up and over - this kind of action has really helped me "see it from the other side" as it was not at all a 'power trip' (and hopefully our asking/directing people to move did not make it seem like one). Rather, it was just a respectful (re: wise) thing to do to help ensure a good (mood) class. And in the end, class was a lot of fun - I had a really strong class and it felt great. I even rocked Triangle, which seems like a small miracle these days. It again was pretty sweaty, but Bikram told the class after Pranayama that they'd have the night off if no one sat down, and no one went out of the room....and they did it! So, tonight was a night off - a huge morale boost to say the least. (NOTE: Later, two of the gals I moved who I knew were strong but did *not* want to be moved told me that they had the best class since they started, and being in front of him helped bring out their best. I told them it was proof, that we all get exactly what we need at training!)

Todd and I took out BJ from my studio and her roommate, Cheri. We went to this little Italian place off-site which was perfect - a few minutes away, something different and tasty, but didn't take up too much time since we're all pooped from the week. One more class tomorrow morning, and possibly one on Sunday. It's been really fun to be here, and I'm sad it's over already, but I'm also excited to get back to Jill, my life and teaching and all that!

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Todd and I outside after afternoon class - it was already DARK! :( Me, below, after morning practice and my mushroom/truffle oil risotto at dinner. :)

Thunder & Lightning in Acapulco

2008-10-10T08:48:00.000-07:00

A little taste of last night's storm over the Pacific Ocean in Acapulco, Mexico last night.

Acapulco Day 5: Thursday

2008-10-09T20:31:00.001-07:00

Ahhhh... a day of rest. Sort of.

Today I got up for 8:30 a.m. practice, Todd again opted out :( so off I went on my own. Diane D. from Boston who is an amazing teacher taught. The room is now outfitted with 13 fans and the back doors are opened up around the balancing series and kept open. Today, I didn't get my usual sweat on (my hair wasn't soaked all the way through even) but I did have a really nice practice. There was a new student in the room and I was close by so I got to assist her a little, which was really fun (I realize I've really missed teaching!!) It was a nice class, though my hamstrings are soooooo tight, and for the first time in an eon, I "felt" my hips in fixed firm, which never happens for me. Ouch!).

After lunch, Todd convinced me to stay with him today and hang out at the pool. We first made a quick Wal-Mart run, walking over and then cabbing back with more water and a few other odds and ends. Then a few hours by the pool which frankly, ended way too soon. We were off to 5 p.m. class with Bikram.

What a fun class! Bikram was pretty serious, but for me, I just had a really nice, solid class. He made all the women sit and had all the men do a 3rd set of Balancing Stick, commenting on how this is a terrible posture for men and they can't do it, adding that they can all easily do Rabbit, which many women are terrible at. Thankfully, he did not make all the women do and extra set of Rabbit. :) Todd was along and made fun of me as I had on a new outfit with the tiniest bit of green in the pattern, so he kept telling me I looked like Kermit the Frog and was sure to be called out and sent home. Nice. Afternoon class had a nice heat - hot but not debilitating, but challenging good heat - still with circulation due to the fans and open doors. My hair was appropriately soaked through by the end!

The group is moving along in their process. Way fewer people leaving the room, improved (but still a fair amount sitting cross-legged vs. in Firm pose or savasana) discipline for many when they do take a knee or lay down, and a few still cramping up and/or having very emotional releases who do step out of the room or too the back.

I felt a bit guilty not doing posture clinic today, but it was nice to just do the yoga and enjoy a little of the nice weather! I cannot believe it's already Friday tomorrow, and I'll be doing my last double. I plan to do Saturday morning class, lay by the pool all day and I might even be able to squeeze in a Sunday practice if I'm well-prepared! It's very interesting being here on the 'other side' and it'll be interesting to see how I look back on it and how it impacts my teaching once I'm home. For now, I can say I have a new dedication to Standing Head to Knee and Standing Bow dialogue, after hearing each one about 50 times! :)
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Above, a big sweaty post-p.m.-yoga hug with Todd; Katie & BJ from my home studio; Me after morning class with semi-dry hair; Todd and I by the pool; and there are those new, ubiquitous FANS IN THE ROOM!!!

Acapulco Day 4: Wednesday

2008-10-08T21:08:00.000-07:00

Wednesday's over already and other than the day I arrived, and 1 hour otherwise, I've barely seen the sun! Today was more of the same - I did the morning class, sans Todd who opted to chill out today...I missed having him there, and instead practiced with Manali. It was taught by Mike W. from Houston, who is Marshall's studio owner. During my training, I wasn't in a good space when he taught and I didn't really connect to his class. However, today, I really, really enjoyed it. I also saw his influence on Marshall and told him that clearly, Marshall is a little protege. :)

Lunch followed with some teachers and then I helped BJ (from the studio I practice at in Fremont) and a few of her pals with dialogue. I showed them a couple techniques - the round robin thing that worked for many (but not all) people; the first word/first letter thing that I did as well as the somewhat different version that Todd did...mostly just giving them a bunch of things to try to see what works, since everyone is different and what works is different for everyone. It's getting to the time when many who memorized at home are 'running out' of postures they know well, so many are having their first difficult delivery since they are entering unchartered waters. I just keep telling them not to worry, they will learn it, it will pour out of their mouth one day, eventually, in the future :)

Posture clinic followed with one of the staffers, Jelena (Yelena). We alternated giving feedback and it was great fun - most of the room was on and finished with their Standing Bow Pulling Pose. It's amazing what you see from the teacher's seat - so much potential masked by nervousness and fear in many cases. I know that was me! I was so nervous almost every time, and afraid of not doing well, and sometimes knowing I went up there ill-prepared, all of it. It's nice being back so soon in that I 'get it' - I feel like it was me up there not 5 minutes ago. Everyone is doing great though, working hard, trying and getting (slogging?) through. You can really see how some of them are going to just be kick ass teachers as soon as they just let go and let themselves come out.

Afternoon practice was taught by Marlin, a very old-school teacher whose been at it since 1985 (when I was in 8th grade!). She taught a relatively low-dialogue class as a result, because she is considered "pre-dialogue" - it was fun and now, the room has been outfitted with (wait for it) FANS along the top of the room, mounted there, 4 on each side and 4 on the back wall. In addition, the back doors are now opened around balancing series and mostly kept open throughout class. Not that I'd compare my training to this one, but man, I must say, there was a moment when I thought "I'd have given my first born for fans like this in my training." They said "Whoever complains that it's too cold will have a make-up." It was surely a different experience than my first few days here, and also in comparison to the Spring training.

Todd and I just hung out for the evening time, had room service and watched some trashy tv. Super fun, I was beat and went to bed around 10 - another luxury I'd have killed for during my training! Bikram apparently lectured until 1 a.m. :)

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Above, Todd and I after a windy, fresh afternoon practice; below, me after my lonely morning class; my eggs being cooked up before my eyes; and a little pic from study time on the lawn.

Acapulco Day 3: Tuesday

2008-10-07T20:30:00.000-07:00

Today started with a killer morning class taught by David from Dallas. He started though, by taking time to acknowledge yesterday's difficult afternoon practice. As someone whose been through this, I really appreciate the leadership here and them really calling out the elephant in the room rather than leaving it dangling out there. He spoke about the fact that there was a deal to be made: They will fix the room, and in return, the trainees will work to stay in it (and work hard and dedicate to the whole thing, really). Also, he talked about how Bikram really took the time to investigate and as I mentioned in my last post, that he really "did his yoga" to understand the problem and fix it, rather than just react to the symptoms of it. David went on to teach a kickass class with some great tidbits and material that I grabbed onto in terms of using in my own classes :) The class ended with the group seemingly refreshed and ready for the day. It was a great turnaround, and handled really well.

This afternoon I did a long posture clinic with staffer Louis, who was super fun to be with. We had two groups, and finished off about 10 Eagle posture deliveries and got through all but 5 Standing Head to Knee deliveries, taking turns giving feedback. He has a system whereby he would observe and give the feedback, while I followed the dialogue for accuracy and then captured his suggestions to the trainee in the record book, and then we'd reverse. It was fun getting to participate so much and get to 'fly solo' on a lot of them. After, I asked him for feedback on how I did and overall, he said that I come from a very genuine place, and my feedback was solid. I was actually a bit (er, or a lot) nervous, again, wanting to do a good job for the folks going through the dialogue process, because I know how stressful and hard it was for me, especially at this point - when the dialogue I learned at home ran out :( It's very humbling to be on the other side, and I must say I now appreciate the proctors we had more, and also understand more about some of their decisions and discipline in a different way. I think times we thought they were being mean to us, they really were just protecting the delivery environment for the trainees...

Classes are going pretty well - no lie - they are HOT and hard. Todd and I are next to each other, or have been so far, which is fun. I'm diluting Pedialyte into my water, and drinking a reasonable amount (just like in my training, I always seem to have enough water left to share as needed with others on the lawn after class :) There are moments, and I've had to catch my breath here and there....plus, in the back rows, you aren't surrounded by people (energy) in the same way - the lines are nearly empty, so it's easier to lose focus. For me anyhow, it is. That said, tonight's class was fantastic - Gregg on one side, Todd on the other - both giving me occasional shit and making class feel light and fun. This morning was an ass-kicker and really challenging for me - that's how the yoga is though, you don't always enjoy the classes that yield your biggest return. It's amazing how it's been relatively easy to just jump back in, partially I'm sure because it's one week, not nine! :)

Minimal pix today:

Morning class, and Todd's with his toy. Us above, as I joined Todd in his outdoor post-class savasana on the lawn.
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Acapulco Day 2: Monday

2008-10-06T21:47:00.000-07:00

We got up around 8 to go to 8:30 class, due to my inability to properly set an alarm. Probably because Todd is hogging my iPhone since I (regrettably) introduced him to Jewel Quest 2, which now occupies a lot of his time. :) Imagine our delight at not having to sign in :) Anyhow, the morning class was great - realistic heat and that same'old humidity that we all grew to know and love here at TT. I got through class pretty well, with reasonable water and no major issues, feeling good afterwards. I must say though, walking into the building, smelling the smell of that space/room, it gave me a little wave of nausea which was odd since I never threw up or anything when I was in training. Still, perhaps it was just the memory of the whole thing...and its intensity.

Next we hit the buffet at Chula Vista -mmmmm! We ate with Gregg and Manali, who were both in our training and are now on staff. It was fun to see familiar faces and catch up on the nuances of this TT so far.

Then, we went to the lecture hall and got to introduce ourselves to the group. I said a few things, just the basics, totally forgot to say I was from Seattle and call out the Seattle kids - BJ, Linda and Katie - mostly because they told us about 3 minutes before that we'd be doing it. Then, Todd took to the mike and introduced himself, ending with the fact that "in case you didn't realize it, this is Jenn of Jenn's blog..." which embarrassed me and I gave him a good punch in the arm! But, in a way it was good as bunches of people have said hello and given me a chance to talk to people and engage more. One said, "It's good he did that - there are so many visiting teachers sometimes you just lose track..." The trainees then took their anatomy test and Todd and I hit the pool for a bit. At 2, I went off to do my first posture clinic as a teacher...

What fun. Really. The posture clinics are very supportive and focus on giving people homework. I started out with David from Dallas, and then he had to go see Boss and Marlin from LA came in. After a while, I was invited to give feedback and it was really cool. It was harder than I thought, and I recall how as a trainee, we all hung on each teacher's every word - so I considered how important everything I said potentially could be to each person. At the same time, it was really an honor to be able to help and be on their side, and also just seeing the folks who were clearly 'naturals' vs. those who were struggling with a variety of things - memorizing, anxiety, etc. and targeting feedback to each person's current ability/performance along with their potential.

The evening class brought an interesting experience it turns out, not even the older, seasoned teachers have had. Bikram left the room with frustration after half-tortoise. There were a lot of people leaving, and it was blazing crazy hot (even for this room, Todd and I were both struggling but had kept up to this point). I do recall thinking, "There is an actual din of crowd noise coming from the lobby..." which illustrates how many people were out there. In the room, people were dropping like flies. My training had one crazy class like this, but I think we fell apart later in the class so though he was not happy with us, we did finish class. Anyhow, after, the mood was very, very somber. Everyone was working hard to welcome Boss back after he had been away over the weekend, and instead he was livid...

But here's the cool part: He did his yoga, as one senior teacher put it later. Bikram asked questions, investigated and found out that all the senior teachers and experienced practitioners were in agreement that simply put - something was/is up with the room. In the evening lecture, he told the group, "This is not your fault" and proceeded to call the engineer who built the room from Mexico City to catch the next flight and look at things. He said in the Spring training (mine) the room was not this bad. I can't say what my opinion is, as it was my first day in the room and any struggles I had were chocked up to that...but get this - we later found out the humidity in the room, intended to be around 45% - was 97%. Good lord!

Anyhow, the whole event ended up just fine, but it was a rough day for the trainees, as it sucks when Bikram's feelings are hurt because he doesn't think he's being taken seriously. And, in the end, it turned out very cool that he realized and was able to let the class know that while in some cases, some people may need to work a bit harder/address patterns, overall, there is a bigger issue at play.

And as for that lecture, I'll admit to bowing out after an hour to get a good night's sleep, because, well, I can and was tired. Todd and I both are just taking it day by day in terms of our participation. I hope to get a little sun at some point, but I'm really learning a lot by participating!

p.s. We had to change rooms - long story - and ended up in a non-view room in the Princesa tower, rather than the killer view room we had in the main building. Still, it's just fine!

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Me after morning class; yoga room; my standard brunch; Gregg; Evening class; and Bikram lecturing...from the teacher's seats in the back. And, our former view... :(

Acapulco! Teacher Training Re-Visit: Day 1, Sunday

2008-10-05T22:42:00.000-07:00

Back in Acapulco! It's surreal in a way...but let me start at the beginning.

I got here around 2:30 p.m. or so and Bikram had been on my flight. It was fun to see him right off the bat. After arriving at the hotel, I found Todd in his usual spot by the pool and got settled into a really nice room in the main tower, facing the ocean. We hung out by the pool and caught up. I almost immediately met a handful of folks who are blogging this time, as well as a few people who read mine. Super fun to put faces to names and facebook pages. Anyhow, we then headed to dinner at 100% Natural (a TT favorite) and then took a crazy cab ride to the Mega (big local grocery) whereby Todd insisted on sitting upon MY lap in the front of the tiny car that had 5 Mexican packed in the back already. Upside, it was just a buck for the lift. :) (See photo)...

We grabbed water, Pedialyte and some limes and headed back for the 9 p.m. teachers meeting. I'm psyched about the bevy of cool senior teachers here this week - including Lynn W., Diane D., and Mike W. - along with others I don't know very well. The format for helping out was gone over, as well as staff roles and responsibilities. A lot has changed, and fundamentally, a lot is the same.

It's hard to write without comparing. I don't wanna be all, "We walked uphill to the hot yoga room both ways in the snow" about this training versus mine in Spring. And it's not that way - so I'll call it out now: It is not comparative, rather, it's just different, and overall, I have minor-to-no opinions about the differences. Some are downright good things though, I will say that.

So, those who went with me are dying to know the changes, I'm just guessing, because I was. So, here's what I've got for ya, in no particular order:

- They sell not only Bikram Yoga clothes - but SHAKTI!
- You have to carry your towels to the top of the stairs and outside now. Hot and heavy, and not in a good way :)
- They play music *before* class as people are getting set up...random artists...
- You are not permitted to puke or cry (heavily) in the room. You are required to leave and talk to staff in the lobby. Todd wondered what it would've been like to leave each and every episode ! He said, "I'd have never been in the studio!"
- Posture clinics are very supportive (like ours) and more focused on - specifically - 1 or 2 things to work on for next time. It seems more about learning to teach the dialogue than making sure you didn't forget to say "nicely" in "feet together nicely." Again - not complaining - it just seems like a positive change.
- The food is better - the Asian-esque food is way better.
- People, it seems, are not out and about as much - seems they are studying in rooms or secret places we have yet to find. The lobby and pool seemed stark in comparison to how it was for Todd and I.
- The staff is a 100% change - no one on staff from our training. We keep trying to figure out who is in what role, exactly "is she the new Rowena?" :) They're all great, just a totally new lot.
- The hotel staff don't seem as overwhelmed and many of them are the same (the old taxi guy at the front; the woman with funky glasses at Chula Vista).
- There is a new mall out this way! Todd seems especially excited - there is a movie theater which would have been cool to be able to see a flick without having to go all the way into town.

Otherwise, the Wal-Mart and Mega are still standing :) I plan to do classes tomorrow and help with posture clinic and just see how it is from the other side of the table. Being open, and seeing how it all unfolds, just like my own training :)

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Below: Me, our view, and Todd.

Visit in Houston before Acapulco! (Updated)

2008-10-04T20:36:00.000-07:00

I decided I had a little more to say on this post, so here is a more detailed version...

Well, I'm here in Houston visiting Marshall, of Group #14. We were good pals at training, and I thought it'd be fun to see him while I was on my way to Acapulco and Houston is an easy path to Mexico. I arrived yesterday and we went straight to 4:30 class together which was super fun. We had a big, wet, sweaty hug at the end of class! So fun, you can really only do this with teacher training friends, and maybe a girlfriend :) However, when I walked in the studio, the teacher, Therese, was like, "Oh wow! It's you!!!" - apparently a reader of this here blog.

I blushed, I felt it. And then panicked a little - and this is a little worry for my trip to Acapulco...I know a lot of folks read my blog and know me, or think they do....and to a degree, it's true. But I'll admit it's a little weird for me - mostly because I don't necessarily feel that same connection to folks who read this - I mean, I love y'all (I can say that, y'all, I'm in Texas) - but I haven't read months of posts of your daily life! An then, the pressure in class - to perform, to be a (perfect) yogi in class...oy! It's not a complaint, just an observation of something I semi-expect when I get to Acapulco - and at the same time, it'll be fun and easy to talk to people and hopefully be a help to some folks as they embark on Week 4 - not the most fun time. Still, I think in the end, I don't want to let anyone down on my mat or off of it; and not that anyone should (or actually even does) care, it's my stuff and it'll be interesting to explore how these feelings unfold for me while I'm in Acapulco.

After yoga-soaked (pun intended) dinner conversation after class, we came back to his place and hung out. Today we got up and took Sherri's 8:15 a.m. class, another person who was in our training! Her class was spirited and peppy as expected.

We then bummed around Houston, my first time here - and then took a rest, and then I got to take Marshall's 4:30 p.m. class!! He is as incredible teacher as expected, and his class was really well done. He has a command of the dialogue that lets me connect to it in a meaningful way, which I appreciate a lot. It's painful when the dialogue sounds like a recitation; his decidedly does not. And he is, as those of you who know and love Marshall know, a dialogue machine. One fun thing that happened was when he had a new student try to leave the room after the first set of Rabbit (!!!) and he threw up his hands, smiled and said, "Hey, where you goin'?" She said, "I just need to step out. It's really hot in here." (LOL!) So then he said, "It's better if you stay. C'mon everyone, help me get her to stay!" And he started to clap for her a little and people just started calling out to her "Stay!" "Don't go!" "It is better!!" and she shrugged her shoulders, smiled, returned to her mat, and finished class. It was a brilliant and cool way to deal with it, without scolding her and in a way that gave her confidence and snapped her out of her attachment to her discomfort.

And of course, we have had many spirited discussions about dialogue, about specifics of the dialogue that um, perhaps I struggle with :) and Marshall is a by-the-book kinda guy...and I'm a slightly defiant kinda girl. Not that bad, but it's hard when you're 'raised' in a non-dialogue studio by a super-experienced director whom you respect a lot. And while overall I am committed to the dialogue, I honestly do struggle with some of the nuances, which Marshall defends to the death, and it's fun to hear his way of thinking about things because he is super smart. One day, eventually, in the future, he might convince it me it's better to say "charge your body forward..." before "kick your leg back and up..." in standing bow. Maybe. Overall, it was super fun to reconnect and be with him, geek out about yoga, practice together (for both of us, it's so great to be next to not only another teacher, but one you practiced next to a lot at training), and of course, to see a little of his world here in Houston.

And, it was a great jumping off point to Acapulco - hot here, humid, loads of yoga and lots of fun geeking out about it! I did 3 classes in 24 hours at two different studios, with everyone knowing I was a teacher, and Marshall by my side or overseeing me as a teacher - so I was 100% on my best behavior :) Not that we shouldn't always give 100% on the mat, but, somehow it amps it up when you know on some level, you're being observed with expectations - expectations I fundamentally have for myself, but don't always um...execute to the fullest of my capability, like anyone, I have less-than-100% classes. So, the result here was 3 super-focused classes in a much higher humidity than I'm used to, one that felt super hot and two where the heat felt like a friend. Love that. Anyhow, onto Acapulco, where Todd has already sent me a bevy of emails telling me about how it is different now than it was for us. I can't wait to see for myself! I'll be posting daily.

By the way, I plan to close out this blog at the year's end. I will have a new one, rattling on about teaching and practicing Bikram and possibly other yogas - but the purpose of this blog was to explain my personal experience of Bikram's teacher training, teaching afterwards, and then closing the loop with this visit back to see it from a teacher's angle. I do, however, want to write just a bit more of perhaps how this visit influences my teaching over the November and December. :) For now though...tomorrow morning I will enter Bikram's Torture Chamber, where I will kill myself for 90 minutes hopefully 11 or so times this week!

p.s. Marshall, Sherri & I above.

p.s.s. Marshall started his class with, "Good afternoon y'all; let's do some Bikram Yoga!" Y'all. Cracks me up. :)

The Work in this Yoga is Never Done

2008-09-23T14:24:00.001-07:00

Those of us who practice Bikram Yoga, which is I assume most anyone reading this, know the work is never done. I was thinking about this in my morning practice today - after two days off; one by choice, one due to a 12-hour workday that didn't allow it (both of which I plan to make up by doing doubles). So, I didn't want to go, but I got there. This yoga is like running a marathon- an analogy I used when I was at training. Sometimes, I find I really, really push myself - it's like I'm there with a cattle prod pushing and pushing and pushing. And then days like today, I feel like I'm there to just encourage, give myself a big virtual hug and just let the class unfold, without the pressure of performance or achievement - but just the goal of practice. Period.

These kinds of classes feel very 'young' - like I feel like I'm just a little kid trying hard to do this thing and it's ok, because I'm there and I'm trying and no one is monitoring my success but me. Other times I do feel like a big bad grown up who can and should push to do more and do better, and I'm accountable to the teacher as well as myself in a heavier way. And I guess the point is (yes, I know you were waiting to see if there was one...) you can't be one way or the other all the time - like you can't sprint a marathon, but you sprint portions and then you rest and then you get in a groove, etc. Sometimes, I imagine I'm somewhere in between - just plugging away, doing the yoga, in a groove.

And part of me is anticipating - which is a no-no, I know - but I'm anticipating the torture chamber. The love and hate. That room that didn't win, but pushed me to new places within myself and my practice. That room that allowed me the privilege of teaching this yoga, with confidence and credibility. That room. And this time it's just one week, and I have a choice to be there or not. Going back reminds me of how it feels to revisit a place from the past - where you had a first kiss; or saw someone just before they died; or simply put - where something big happened to you that changed you forever more. And I want to be ready but I know deep down you can't be ready for That Room. You can prepare and set yourself up, but like the yoga itself, expectations are a bad idea in that you just never know what you're going to get. So, for now, I'm practicing daily to be strong and feel as physically and mentally prepared as I can going in. Just a couple weeks now!

Also, I'm re-reading my blog for the first time since I got home from TT. I'm reading it daily along with the students who are there now, and it's interesting and painful and fun to see what and how I experienced things while they were happening. Since returning, it's been easy to romanticize TT to some level, remembering the good and forgetting the bad like you do when you speak of the dead or after childbirth. Re-reading it is like reading an actual daily life diary - reminding you of the realistic aspects and nuances (good, bad, otherwise) of the experience. It's somewhat cathartic and it's especially cool to be doing it now, when I've amped up my practice over the past month. I'm enjoying the current students' blogs too, it's like the same only different...

Teaching is good - I've had a 5-day break this week due to some work stuff that came up, and kind fellow teachers who picked up my classes. I teach again Thursday and next week, then I'm off to visit TT, back for about 10 days where I've packed in a lot of classes, assuming I'll be super-energized from TT, and then off again to Arkansas to see Jill's family. We come back November 1st, whereupon I hope to just nestle into Seattle for the winter - teaching, practicing, working and playing inside while it's gray and rainy outside!

p.s. I updated my Bikram Yoga Calendar application on Facebook back to the beginning of the year (!!!) as I keep all my practices in my Google Calendar. Anyhow, to date this year, I've done 234 classes. That's 21,060 minutes of yoga. Or 351 hours. Or 14.625 days. There was an illness or two in the mix, out of 266 days this year I've only left 32 days yoga-less (though there was this 9-week period of doubles....). Super cool. Makes me want to try for 365 next year, but that's a bit lofty.

Fall Teacher Training Is in Full Swing!

2008-09-17T18:42:00.000-07:00

I've been having fun reading blogs and re-living my own experience at TT. In fact, for the first time since being back, I've been going to back and reading my blog in tandem with the new training class. It's amazing the similarities already, and truly, it's so interesting to me how overall, the experience is kinda "the same but different." People are going through the first week issues - dehydration, adjusting to the room (heat/humidity) and managing their own expectations of their personal experience - which is not easy, because we all want to go and be a rock star and never get sick. It's the same, only different. The group experience, I mean, seems to be the same - of course each person's experience within that group is different. Anyhow, I added a link list of the blogs I've found so far. Feel free to comment with any others!

In other news...

I've been teaching a lot and that's been good and fun. My studio director, who is a non-dialogue senior teacher whose practiced 30 years and taught for 20, is teaching again these days so I've been chasing down his classes and learning loads about my own practice and about the postures. It's been a breath of fresh air, since overall, there isn't much opportunity for mentoring here in Seattle, or at least not that I've found. Anyhow, each class he teaches I get new material for my babbling in between postures, and it's nice to also grow in my own practice to better understand what I'm learning.

Practicing is going well too. I've taken to doing ~2 solo practices each week - one bonus of teaching - access to the hot room whenever you want! So, in between my 6 a.m. and 9:30 a.m., I do my own practice and it takes about 1 hour, 10 minutes. It's been super cool to have time to work on things that in normal classes I can't. I can re-adjust myself and do an extra set or hold it longer. It's like I'm going to a trainer, and then going on my own other days to apply what I'm learning so I can do better next time we meet. It's been great - and right now, I'm able to stay really focused and engaged in it; that may wear off one day, but right now, it's working. Oh, and I put on a (music) CD too. I suppose that is breaking the rules in some people's eyes, but it's so groovy for me to sort of experience the Bikram in a different way once a week or so. I'm on track for my 53-day-ish challenge!

More sooner than last time, hopefully. :)

Photo above: Lucy, Kevin (studio owner) Yu, another teacher, Joyce, Lynn, me and Christian, all from Spring '08 training. Lynn is Lucy's dad - she lives here in Seattle and he was visiting.

Going to Acapulco - Again!

2008-09-07T17:09:00.000-07:00

Well, I bought a ticket. I'm headed to visit Teacher Training in Acapulco for Week 3, from October 5 - 12. Todd will be there with me, and I'm super excited. In fact, on Thursday I started what I hope to be 53 practices between now and my trip to Arkansas with Jill on October 22. If you can imagine, there is no Bikram yoga there. :( So, daily until I leave, then doubles while I'm there, and daily when I get back until we depart. Before Acapulco, I'm going to stop over in Houston to visit pal and fellow Group#14'er Marshall - take his class, hang out and all that. I won't be around Seattle for much of October - but I'm excited to re-infuse my yoga enthusiasm!

Teacher training from the angle of being a teacher will be interesting too. I'm hoping to learn even more, as well as help the current students however I can - if only by being a smiling, happy face. :) And will I blog it?? Of course! :)

Dementors at 8:15 p.m.

2008-08-28T09:59:00.000-07:00

Last night, while teaching my 8:15 p.m. class, I had a moment where it literally felt like a dementor (ala Harry Potter) showed up and sucked the living life out of all my students - somewhere in the awkward series. And there I was, a stand-in for Harry himself having to find a way to breathe life back into 16 people. And then once they were 'back' it happened again. And again. Up and down, up and down....

This seems to be a late-night class phenomenon. What is funny is that often, breathing at the beginning nearly knocks my socks off! The energy is amazing, often I think people are just so happy and proud of themselves for getting to class at that hour. I know I would be, practicing that late after a likely long day. But then the truth sets in, and the long day aftermath hits, and the energy plummets awfully fast. This is no diss on my students, let me be clear, but as a teacher, it is so interesting to me.

And to the students, who knows - most of us in class truly have a personal experience. Sometimes, as a student, I do notice the room feeling really bright with energy or happiness, and conversely, I have felt days where it feels sluggish or just tired in the room. As a student, you just refocus on your own practice and let all that other stuff in the room go. But to observe as a teacher, and to feel a responsibility to help the situation or fix it, it's a whole different story.

So what do you do? Well, I'm learning - still a new teacher. So last night, I let the folks know that though all the heaters were on, most were set to "fan" not to "heat" and that I was aware it was the 3rd class in a row in the room, and the room was plenty hot. I cracked a window here and there. I gave a pep talk or two and joked around a little bit to lighten the mood. But mostly, I just kept the ball rolling and worked to keep my energy up in hopes of lifting theirs. I think in the end, that's about all you can do in those situations. It is a little scary, truth be told, to feel like your class is falling apart in a way - but in my mind, I just say to myself, "It's your job to not let that happen. Adjust something, make them feel cared for and show that you are paying attention to them!" When I'm suffering in class, personally, it's amazing what a little acknowledgment from the teacher will do to pick me back up. ("I know you are all working so hard, you're doing great - stay with it!" etc.)

What about you? What does your teacher(s) do to bring you back from the dark side??

I'd love thoughts from other teachers or other students on this one! It's just like the yoga, a continuous process of learning and growing and trying out different things :)

Just over 2 months out from TT...and here's what I think:

2008-08-15T08:53:00.000-07:00

It's been just over two months since I got home from teacher training. And as expected, my thoughts and experience around teaching continue to morph, grow and change. Let me give you the lay of the land - well, my teaching land - first.

So far, to date, I've taught just over 30 classes - keeping in mind I had about two weeks off in there, I'm right where I want to be. On average, I have around 6 classes/week now, and as of mid-September, I will have 4 solid classes that are mine, and the possibility of a couple more. I find with my business, contract jobs and fitting in my own practice, 5-6 is the right number. I want to love to teach, I want to truly "bring it" every time I walk in the room, and I don't want to resent it, or my students, just because I'm overextended. So, to that end, I'm feeling really good about quantity of classes in terms of how it maps to quality of my classes. Spot on, for now.

I love it, by the way. I have had some amazing experiences. For example, the other night, I taught 8:15 p.m. after teaching 6 a.m. & 9:30 a.m., helping my mom all day in between after a medical procedure, and I was pooped. I didn't want to go, I called every sub I knew but no one could do it. So I went, cheered up and just decided it would be good (with kind encouragement from Jill and Christian). I got there and had 12 people. Sign in was a breeze - no money exchange at all, no new people at all. Somehow, I managed to learn everyone's names. Awesome. And then I started and the energy in the room nearly blew me away - I felt like I was floating from all the good, happy, energetic, positive vibes flying around. The heat was perfect, hardly anyone had to take a break but enough did that I knew it was hard enough/hot enough. By the end, I was so incredibly grateful to this particular group of students - though I was there to serve them, it was them who served me in the end. I felt amazing, they all seemed so happy and cheerful on the way out - everyone wins :)

So this is what is happening now. Now that the dialogue is fairly solid; now that I can notice common mistakes and help with corrections without missing a beat or leaving people hanging; now that I walk in confidently and feel ready, prepared and capable of teaching. Now, I feel like I belong there, and I'm allowed to be there.

That all said, there is so much to work on. I still study my dialogue because you do lose it if you don't - I will find phrases I realize I've not said in two weeks! Oy! Shame on me. I also still need to figure out how to deal with droves of new people all in one class. One of the less tangible challenges is when the room is full of mixed up crazy energy - when most in the class are *not* focused, lots of fidgeting and what not. Despite reminding everyone and even occasionally calling it out, I still find some classes are very disjointed in terms of energy and I'd like to contnue working on the skills to close that gap, not for me, but for them. Having practiced in that kind of class many times, it can be so draining, especially if you happen to be right on the edge of a rough/unfocused class yourself. In those cases, I know I look to the teacher to manage the room and get things in sync.

Logistically, I'm in good order. I remember back when I started doing Bikram yoga, I would take an eon to prepare, make sure I had all my little thingys to be ready. As a teacher - same thing - I had this little bag with everything you could ever need: toiletries, extra contacts, glasses, dialogue, a watch, blowdryer, curling iron, extra set of clothes, towel...goodness. Now, I throw on my clothes, make sure I can see (contacts or glasses), put the watch on and go. No need now for all that over-planning, I know I'll be ok with the basics. And there it is: Aren't we all just fine with the basics??!!

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Otherwise, I hope all is well. I know the next TT starts soon and many of your are gearing up to go! You are ready, trust yourself, trust your body, and be ready to experience whatever comes at you :)

Waiting for the 10 for $10 to End...

2008-08-07T13:07:00.000-07:00

I love new students. I get so excited for anyone venturing into the Bikram Yoga world, having their first class and getting the honor of guiding them through. I make a huge effort to give them attention and props, make sure they don't get hurt, and encourage them to come back ASAP.

Well, summer is a slow time for Bikram here. So the studios come up with little specials to entice people in from the (rare, short-lived) Seattle sunshine. One of my studios has a deal where you get 10 classes for a mere $10. This causes a lot of people to give it a whirl, which is great - except they come in droves. Last night, my smallish 8:15 p.m. class of 10 people had 2 regulars, 4 people within their first 5 classes, and the rest - 4 - were first-timers. It made my brain hurt! I so badly wanted to give each of them the attention I typically can give to a newbie (usually one, or maybe 2) amongst a room full of regulars. I wasn't able to though, ended up going way over - in fact, for the first time, I skipped the second set of final stretching! A sin, but we were 5 minutes over at 9:45 p.m. and I just had to do something. It was also the first time I had someone leave the room, though I gave her the what'for and reminded the rest of the class why not to do that.

Similarly earlier that morning, I had my 6 a.m. uber-focused regulars, and then at 9:30, the energy in the room was just all over the map! Three newbies - all super young (17, 18...) - and a few who'd only been a few times and then a couple regulars. This, the morning after teaching the class-that-was-to-be-power, with 18 people who had to re-adjust to the change on the spot. Oy! I feel a little wiped, and am glad I don't teach again until Saturday afternoon, one of my favorites to teach.

I'm not trying to complain at all - it's just interesting the ups and downs of teaching, the curveballs I've gotten and the fact that they often seem to get hurled your way all at once. And, being a new teacher, it is challenging when in certain moments, you seriously have no idea what to do to deal with something, so you guess/do your best and hope for the best. I imagine more experienced teachers have a better sense of what to do based on repeated experiences. I look forward to getting more and more experience, so when these things come up, I have a little more of a handle on what to do and can feel good about it afterwards, and more importantly, the students can feel good about it :)

Aren't Rules Made to be Broken?

2008-08-05T21:05:00.001-07:00

Well, I've failed already. Ok, not failed in that sense that I, well you know, failed, but I have come up a bit short in my 30-day goal already. This past weekend, we went to Vancouver to see my Bikram pals Niki (who lives there) and Tara (who was visiting from Toronto). Turns out it was Gay Pride weekend, and we were all delighted to see Bikram Yoga Vancouver have a float in the parade! It was a great time, and after, Jill and I did a great yoga class (with a teacher, Roxanna, who was a dialogue machine). All was well, I finished Day 6 when...

We hit the border. And sat and sat. And got home at 6:30 after a zillion hours in the car leaving me with two options: Racing off to a 7 p.m. class across town, or going to 8:15. It had been a long day, so I looked at my schedule and committed to a double this coming Thursday. Fine. I took the night off, guilt-free knowing a plan was in order to make up for it.

The universe provides. At 8:05, my phone rang and it was another Bikram school pal, Roy, who was in Group #14 with me, and who got the "Flower Petal Blooming" award at graduation. He called to say he just blew into town, unexpectedly and had no plans really. So I picked him up and we went to a fantastic dinner, downed a nice bottle of Pinot Noir and then met up this morning at Jill's coffeeshop for coffee. He's looking (possibly) to help move his daughter to Seattle, and I showed him some neighborhoods and brought him some magazines with good info. This is the "friends for life" reference that you hear happens at training - you're just connected in a way that is hard to describe. Anyhow, it was great to see Roy, and I was so happy (in the end) I had opted out of going to class!

Until tonight...that is.

Because my day was full and I planned to go to a 6:30 class on the way home from teaching my 4 p.m. class. After my class, though, I stayed to help sign people in for the next class - slated to be Hot Power Vinyasa (I know, I know....). Well, at 5:58 when the teacher hadn't come and 18 people were waiting on their mats, I just decided to teach...I wasn't sure what else to do. So, I went in and asked them to get their Yoga on, to let go of any attachment to their Power class and please stay and join me for a spirited Bikram class. The only one who left was a girl who'd just taken my 4 p.m. class - everyone else stayed, and all but 2 had done Bikram before. Even though a few scrunched up their faces, they all worked hard and did well! The power teacher showed up at 7:15 - while we were in Half Tortoise - thinking her class was at 7:30. So, in the end, I had no option to go take class as I didn't get home until 8:30 - and the last class here on Tuesdays is at 8:00. Alas.

So now I'm down 2. And going away in a week or so for 5 days...so I'm adjusting to a new goal, for now: Practicing every single day until I go out of town, and re-committing to 30 days right when I get back. I don't really see a need to do 7 doubles to make my original goal.

I want to say though, that it DOES make me go - there were two times last week I soooooo didn't want to go, mostly for logistical reasons - and my commitment to the 30-days got me there, and in each case, I had great, happy practices. Mind over the matter! I definitely turned a corner and am back in love with the yoga after my little break, and loving teaching again, too. Though, a dialogue review is in order, as evidenced the other day by my Vancouver class that was textbook dialogue, I have a few gaps to fill :) Onward!

Back In Action!

2008-07-29T21:18:00.000-07:00

Oh dear.

That first class back after a long hiatus is not destined to be one's best class, as I was reminded today. At 5 p.m. I threw down my mat for my first Bikram Yoga class in over two weeks - luckily Nina, the first Bikram teacher I ever had, was at the desk. The class was quite full and it was at Sweatbox, not my home studio but one I like a lot. So, class began.

Breathing was fine, warm up, fine. Balancing series...fine. Triangle, could've been better. And once I hit full locust, no pun intended, I crashed. Of course I finished class ok, but I hadn't felt that dizzy/nauseous/blackout feeling in...well, some time. My sweat was sooooo salty too! Now that is something I remember from training, the distinct change in how my sweat went from salty to almost purely tasting like water. (Sorry, is that gross? Oh well.) Anyhow, I'm clearly not hydrated very well, and haven't had a good sweat in a long time.

The upside were that I enjoyed it! My postures looked ok, because of course I feared that I wouldn't be able to execute a single pose to resemble anything correct. Why? I don't know, because I get scared when I step away. In the past, stepping away from exercise usually meant a huge weight gain, and a long hiatus from any sort of healthy living...and a build up of fear around going back. This time, I trusted that wouldn't happen, and I'm trying to bat down any feelings to the contrary as I get back to it.

I certainly feel 'yoga'd' - lots of things hurt that haven't in a while, but in that good, yummy yoga way! More to come. This was only Day 1, after all... :)

Almost Back In Action

2008-07-28T09:01:00.001-07:00

This is a long, long time without yoga. And it's been good in a eating-chocolate-cake-sure-is-good-but-not-good-for-you kinda way. So, here's what I've learned from my forced 2-week break from teaching and practicing Bikram yoga.

First, my sleep has been profoundly affected. I'm a good sleeper - one of my physical blessings. But, in the past two weeks, I've been clenching my teeth again (something that went away with weight loss/yoga). Jill pointed it out one day when we napped. It's typically a result of stress, and though there are a few things going on in life, comparatively, I'm not feeling particularly stressed...so this struck me as odd. Second, I've had some wicked horrific nightmares - again, not something that happens often - it's been years since dreams of this magnitude have surfaced. And, lastly, I've woken up early, my mind spinning a bit and forcing me out of bed at ridiculous times in lieu of laying there...well, spinning. And again, not that much is happening to cause me to spin! I'm not worried about this and if anything, what awesome learning, no? I mean, we all know the yoga is good for us. But this kind of clear demonstration of it's far-reaching benefits helps inspire me back to my mat, and encourage others to do the same!

Second, the obvious lack of energy, physical fitness-feeling/confidence, and that yummy "I'm all yoga'd" feeling every day has been apparent. I just feel sluggish, a little dumpy and not so...I dunno, fresh. :) Still, I've not been a total slug as I've worked a ton at my job (some physical gigs) and gone on lots of walks and whatnot, but clearly, it's not the same, or enough.

The only good things I found were that well, truth be told, as mentioned in my last post, having so much time was just crazy. Eating whenever I wanted, not planning my whole day around the logistics of getting to class (not to mention, getting in practices and teaching classes too)...this part did feel nice...to look at my calendar some days and have literally nothing on it. (Yes, I do schedule my practices in my Google calendar...I have a separate calendar just for practicing and teaching even...I know, organizing geek's'r'us).

Jill made the point of how good this break was for me - as I'd have never opted to take 2 weeks off at home; while I could see doing so if I was on a trip with no access to yoga, but not at home! The exercise of taking time off in the midst of regular, daily life has been very eye-opening and if anything, reaffirmed my commitment and passion for the yoga. In addition, it provided me even more insight in to all of the goodness it brings me outside of the obvious, and I'm always a big fan of more information, especially when it leads to more motivation!

Tomorrow is day 10 since my little surgery, and 2 weeks since the tattoo. Everything seems healed and ready to go. Jill said, "I told someone how, knowing you, you'd probably do another 30-day challenge..." Which was hilarious as I'd been thinking about that over the past few days. I feel a little like an airplane, I need a good juicy bit of energy to take off again, then I can settle into a cruising pattern once I'm up and running. We are going away for a few days in mid-August, but I think I can commit to some doubles to get a few in the bank to compensate and simply go for "30 in 30 days" vs. 30-days-straight. So, starting tomorrow, I hereby commit to 30 practices in the next 30 days!

Taking A Break, Getting Tattood, New Bikram TT Site Up!

2008-07-21T20:42:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm on a break - not from my blog, though you'd think so by the huge gap in posts, no? But rather, from yoga! Yes, you heard me right.

Before I went to Bikram school, I had a small revision to my post-weight-loss plastic surgery scheduled for April 3 - needless to say, it had to be moved. Figuring I'd be all gung-ho and want to do loads of yoga and teach when I got home, I gave myself a 6-week window and scheduled the revision for July 18 - this past Friday. I thought I'd need to take a few days off, maybe a week - turns out, I'm banned from the hot room (teaching and practicing) for two whole weeks!!!!! In addition, I scheduled my long-awaited tattoo for the same week, and last Tuesday, got myself a new piece of permanent art. See photo- it's on my back, slightly covering my scar in an experiment to see how the scar tissue holds color, and if it goes well, we're going to add to it a bit and cover up more of it. Oh, and the little surgery thing went fine, just a little sore and sweating is not fun right now :(

So how is it not doing the yoga? Well, truth be told, since I knew it was coming, I'm enjoying it. Absence does make the heart grow fonder, and this morning I woke up feeling a yearning for the quiet in my mind I get from my practice...later in the day, I found myself doing a little bit'o half moon in the grocery store line. I'm missing it, without a doubt...but the guilt-free feeling is great. Normally whenever I take a day off I feel guilty - which is not good and something I need to work on, obviously. This is nice, time off without guilt.

And, let me tell you about time. One thing that is clear to me is how much time Bikram yoga takes in your day! Not a complaint - rather an observation. Jill will leave for yoga, and in the time she is gone, I will get so much done, I can hardly believe all she did was go to yoga. Yesterday, for example, in striking contrast to yoga class, I left 15 minutes before her to go to a party - while there, I drank several glasses of wine, ate dinner, met several new people and had two very long conversations with two different groups of people. In the course of those conversations, I arranged a blind date for my friend Mikey using my iPhone and gave out a handful of business cards to very potential organizing/personal assistant clients. I got home 1/2 hour after her, and while yes, she had cooked two hot dogs on the grill, otherwise, in all that time, she'd simply gone to yoga.

My point is maybe not what you expect - my point is that the yoga requires a serious dedication of one of our greatest resources: Time. And it is totally worth that time. I can't think of a better way to spend it, though I had fun yesterday - still, the regular, daily practice (and now adding in teaching) is such a healthy way to spend 2+ hours/day, feeding your mind and body with yummy yoga. I'm soaking up my two weeks of 'freedom' from this obligation, but I fully expect to be back in full force as soon as I am cleared for duty!

In the meantime, I've been busy with my business, and a writing gig! I was brought on to write the text/copy for the new Bikram Teacher Training website - if you haven't seen it, take a look! I tried to infuse detail, honesty and reality into the text. The last part just posted today was the FAQ's, and those of you going to training, I hope you find them helpful. As I wrote them, I thought back to me and Christian preparing to go, and all the things we said, "I wish we knew..." or "I wish they told us..." - Todd, my practically-back-up-blogger was kind enough to review the FAQ's for me and interject a few ideas I'd not thought of. Anyhow, my hope is that those who go to training will have an easier time getting ready, more clarity in their decision to go, and a good sense of what to expect. So, if you haven't already, check it out: www.bikramacapulco.com!

One Month At Home!

2008-07-09T18:19:00.000-07:00

Wow! Today is one month home...it seems like an eon; like training was another lifetime!

So a month out, how am I feeling about the whole thing? Let me break it down into segments...

My Practice: Well, it's ok. I can't say I feel as mighty as I did doing it 2x/day, but I like not having to do it 2x/day, or even every day - though I go most days for certain. I still love the yoga, my body seems to be maintaining it's overall strength and stamina, and I'm still at it!

Teaching: I have to say, it's going as well as I could hope for it to! I am getting all the classes I want right now (5-8/week) and as of now, I have 3 permanent classes, and am adding 2 more in September - that, combined with various filling in, it getting me right where I want to be. I wish I had more teachers around me who were in my classes giving feedback, but it's just not happening that way. Still, any chance I get to obtain feedback from other teachers, serious students, or even just 'regulars' to my class, I do. I keep reviewing dialogue and still need to keep reviewing dialogue forever more, but I'm ok with that.

Teacher Training: Well, I finally miss it! Just this last week, I started feeling nostalgic and missing the whole experience. I apparently needed a little time at home and some separation from it to really miss it. It's funny how it is this microcosm of an experience - this sort of alternative reality that while real, it isn't daily life at home. I tried to be careful not to attach too much to the whole thing so I wouldn't be wrecked when I got home; in some way, I wondered for a while if I had attached enough, since for a bit, I wasn't missing it at all! In the end, or, well, at this point anyhow, I feel a healthy longing for what was, and also a general happiness that I was fortunate enough to have the experience, to be able to teach, meet cool people, and prove some things to myself about myself.

Life at Home: Just fine. Seems some of my friendships are shifting and that is something everyone warned me about "oh, you won't be the same to the people in your life" or "oh, people won't be the same for you" and while some of the changes aren't exactly what I want, I'm working to just let change happen without reacting to it, trusting things will work out the way they are meant to. Jill and I are doing well, readjusting to life with her has been one of the easier things - her coming down to Acapulco for the last week made for a smoother transition than I would've expected otherwise. She comes to my classes when she can, and we go to practice yoga together a lot too...oh, and we do other things than yoga, sometimes, believe it or not! I've slowly made dates and at this point seen all my sisters, mom, friends and colleagues whom I wanted to get together with - or at least most of them.

What's Next: Well, teaching is a priority at a ~1/2 time level - which means about 5-8 classes a week (~3 hour commitment/class, less if it's two in a row). I asked Mary Jarvis (a well-known Bikram teacher who read my blog and commented a good bit) if I could come down to San Francisco and study with her for a week or so, we're working out a date on that and I'm excited (and scared!) but it'll be good for me when the time comes...a nice whipping me back into shape while also giving me valuable teaching feedback and coaching.

Outside of yoga (gasp! is there such a thing?) my organizing business is flowing along nicely and I have steady work there for the next while doing projects I'm looking forward to; I have a contract job writing documentation for a corporation that is up to 20 hours/week, along with two (fun) writing side projects (one paid, one not paid...yet)! So, I'm busy, but it's such a good busy for me - I'm getting to do so much of what I enjoy, with a little bit of work to pay the bills.

Would I do it all over? HELL YES. I still have such a good memory of my experience, feel like it was money/time/effort well spent, and still am mulling over everything I got out of the experience. I'll keep writing about it, as I'm sure as time passes, more and more will unfold.

Much Better This Time

2008-07-02T09:23:00.000-07:00

Ok, re-do.

So, yesterday I took a 4 p.m. Bikram class before teaching a 6:30 p.m. class. I took electrolytes before class. I ate a proper lunch, and had a snack before class. I drank the right amount of water. And, shazam! I felt much, much better. I couldn't believe that taking class just before/after teaching was going to be a "no-no" for me - how inconvenient! It just required a bit more organization and planning, that's all. I had about 20 people in my class, it was hot outside so managing the heat was an added task, along with 3 newbies, but all went well! Now I've got me a little formula.

It's true when they say teaching is not unlike practicing - different every time. A bit of forethought does seem to have a significant impact. I'm all for that! At my 6 a.m. class today I got my first yoga teaching paycheck - I don't know why, but it just felt so exciting (not the amount, mind you :) but just the reality that I am really, really doing this! I am a yoga teacher, people pay me to do this job, and I am really loving it and enjoying it. More and more I'm settling it, getting to know some students and feeling that elusive 'connection' they talked about so much at training that was hard to articulate or understand.

When I'm getting ready to teach, I take everyone's name, put it on a post-it and do my best to really show up for them. I know for me, when I practice (esp. before training), my class everyday was a BIG deal - getting there, eating properly to plan for it, and just being in the heat and committing to work hard. Now, as the teacher, I feel a tremendous obligation to work hard to give my students exactly what I always want: A good, solid, engaged, meaningful class. And that said, some days, you're just off (either as a teacher or a student) - but overall, I find I work just as hard to (try to) focus and concentrate while teaching as I do when I practice. Of course they told us all this at training, but now that I'm doing it, it's actually sinking in a bit :)

On other note - two of my friends from training were passing through and we were all chatting about teaching and how that was for us. One of them said how it really cuts into your social life - and it's not a complaint but a reality - anyone thinking of teaching should consider this. Many classes are over the dinner hour, typically a get-together/social time (start times of 3:30 - 8:15 p.m.). Also, if you teach the wicked-early slots (6 a.m.), you get up around 4:30 or so to do it, so that (for me, anyhow) means 'early to bed' to get enough sleep - no nights on the town those nights.... Just something to think about - I had classes 3 nights this week, plus one 6 a.m. - which basically precluded me from making any dinner or evening plans until Friday (holiday). I hadn't really put that together in a big way, but when my friend mentioned it, I thought "yeah, you're right! this is why it's taking me 2-3 weeks to find a time to do dinner with certain friends..." That all said, classes are going well too - I'm getting exactly what I wished for, about 5-6 classes minimum/week, often a couple more than that, and it's all working in nicely with my other job(s) and responsibilities!

The Learning Continues!

2008-07-01T09:51:00.001-07:00

So, last night I thought I'd hit a Hot Power Vinyasa class before teaching my Bikram class. Oh dear. Let's just say, it's a reminder of how your body settles in to doing the same thing all the time - no matter how wonderful, juicy, and lovely Bikram is! It was wicked hot for Seattle yesterday, and the room was humid as all get out. I kept up, but felt like a noodle - it caused me some training flashbacks - I was nauseated, I wanted to leave, or lay down, or anything...I just wanted it to end!

That said, I was having fun; I found that I am no doubt stronger than I was before (duh, but still). I tried a slew of postures I hadn't attempted since before training and some I could do some so much better than before I was truly shocked! Others simply hurt a lot less than they used to... It was a great time, despite wiping me out in a whole different way than Bikram does. A few Bikram postures were in the mix and as usual, I felt at home in those...but all those planks, down-dogs, up-dogs, and warriors - fun, weird, and frankly, hard to do all those different things, at least in this body's opinion.

I was wiped, and then I had to teach immediately after, and I found that I had to work sooooo hard to stay engaged, to bring the energy I typically bring to that late-night class (8:15 p.m.) of tired, hungry yogis. Coupled with not really eating anything other then a light lunch at noon and a small mid-afternoon snack at 3 p.m., I decided that I need to plan a little better: Good nourishment is a must before teaching, unless it's 6 a.m. (whereas coffee is then critical :); and practicing just before teaching - at least if it's an unknown quantity like Power - needs to be thought about closely since I won't really know what I'm getting myself into until I'm there (Power is different every time, some harder than others..like last night).

The learning continues! Who knows, if I did it like that every week, it may not be a big deal. But last night, I felt like I wanted a savasana in between postures, too! :) Note to self on that one!

Going to Training? Part 3: Dialogue and Study Suggestions

2008-06-27T06:39:00.000-07:00

Learn the dialogue before you go.
Learn the dialogue before you go.
Learn the dialogue before you go.
Learn the dialogue before you go.
Learn the dialogue before you go.
Learn the dialogue before you go.
Learn the dialogue before you go.
Learn the dialogue before you go.

Did I mention....Learn the dialogue before you go?

And know that if you don't, you'll be ok. In fact, there was something (for me, the extrovert) about being a part of the minutia of the experience, staying up late, studying with people you hardly knew but there you were, rocking out postures at 1 a.m. and doing great in posture clinic the next day. There is something to be said for the 'group suffering' part of it; however, that's coming from someone who only had (roughly) up to Eagle when I got there. I'm sure those who had it done will tell you of blissful nights of sleep, regular opportunities to practice empathy, and the opportunity to help others. :)

Todd suggested I blog this topic as it was a huge part of training - as big as, and often worse than, doing the yoga itself. This was so different for different people too! The experience around the dialogue was intense all around, but it came easy for some, seemed impossible for others, and for the bulk of us, once we got a study system that worked, and frankly, just got the hang of doing it, it happened with a medium/reasonable amount of struggle.

The thing to think about is this: You need to learn the dialogue and actually remember it, and be able to recall it once you get home. So rather than cramming to get it in your head long enough to spit it out in a posture clinic, consider finding a way to study that will allow you to retain it, making life after training much easier (and life during training, for that matter). I had so much more dialogue when I got home than I thought, but the postures I crammed in irresponsibly are still the ones I struggle with the most, even now.

For me, (1) it went back to how I successfully studied in college and (2) finding a way to learn and function within the setting I was in. Plus, at no time in my life have I had to memorize 90+ minutes of words, verbatim. Unless you're an actor, it's unlikely you have either. So consider this is a different thing than studying to pass a test on geography where you can wing it to some degree. Verbatim, people, verbatim.

And, I'll say this - it was a bit like what I understand childbirth/labor to be - what works in the first few hours is shit at 9 cm. Well, true here too - it seemed everyone went through iterations of studying that worked for a while and then didn't work anymore. Once you get into a flow, it does indeed come easier. Most of us (though not everyone) came up with some semblance of this formula:

- Learn the lines on your own by reading them, and saying them aloud to yourself.
- Then, practice out loud with 1-3 other people saying each line until each paragraph was solid, continuing through the posture until each paragraph was solid, then finalizing it by saying the whole thing.

This is good for you in terms of getting the words to roll off your tongue out loud and you're doing "practical application learning" (good for most adult learners - the concept of actually 'doing' the task at hand rather than theoretical learning)
For those who are big "reading comprehension" people, like me, I'd read the words as others spoke them, so I'd re-read it 2-3 times in between speaking it without looking at the words
For "auditory learners" (which I'm not), you also get to hear it out loud, which for some is very helpful. It's not my primary learning tool, but it didn't hurt.
When you were ready, you had other people handy to start practicing with bodies in front of you, which is a whole other layer of learning - seeing someone do it and concentrating on that often required a sort of 're-learning' of the dialogue. I know I got thrown off by it in many postures! They stress it like mad, and many found the bodies "distracting" but, hello, when you teach, (hoepefully) there are bodies in front of you! :)

Honestly, this covers most adult learning styles at once, which I think is why so many people (or the ones I was around) took this approach. I say this with a giant disclaimer that many, many people did it a variety of ways - some holed up and truly only studied alone the whole time. Others studied until they had it down, and then would only meet up with others to practice with bodies and/or say the posture in its entirety. Some had just one partner, and they exclusively studied together. People who had it memorized before coming would often just support and help others, as a way to solidify their own learning (but always with the option to hit the hay, lucky devils). Others crammed like mad just before having to deliver it and hoped for the best, many doing just fine with that approach. You'll find your way, this was (somewhat) my method and the general method I saw used by most (not all) people.

I believe I blogged my exact method earlier, which was this (not that it's full-proof, good grief...but just happened to work for me for most of the postures):

I would learn each line, repeating and saying them out loud, alone
I would make a list of 1st words of each posture, and use those to jog my memory of the lines that I had learned (this saved volumes of time just trying to get the next line, and also stopped me from having to look at the dialogue to find out - hence sort of cheating, because you couldn't help but see the next couple lines, so then your practice of those became a little bogus)
I would practice with other people, repeating as stated above (this worked too, when I didn't have time to learn the lines ahead of time in a few cases where we really got pushed)
I would use bodies once I had it mostly down, ideally at least 5 times before delivering it in posture clinic
Sadly, I did not spend much time going back to older postures until we were done, in the last two weeks

This may all sound like gibberish at the moment, and it kinda is. The rule of thumb is to just know Half Moon, the 1st part, before you go. This is the one you do in front of Bikram. Have it down so you can relax about that, but man, we all wished we'd gotten more serious about dialogue before we started posture clinics in Week 3. You're so busy acclimating Week 1 & 2, you feel so full, overwhelmed, etc. but if I could go back, I'd have found some serious study-buddies and got crackin' sooner. Everyone told me to just know Half Moon, and for that, I cursed them, wishing I'd buckled down at home more too...though they certainly meant well, and I did survive, so they were right on some level!

Those of you who were there, feel free to add a (robust) comment on your thoughts! It will further drive home my point that this really was different for everyone!

---------
BONUS! Todd was kind enough to write up his own perspective on this so I could include it here rather than having him just add comments (which not everyone sees...). So, here's a whole other perspective on this topic!

The study method I used, and one that others picked up in Mexico was to write the first letter of each line and then repeat the line with that prompt. If the line had a period or comma I would add the first letter right after that also. So first paragraph of Half Moon would go:

F, H

A, P

I, R, T

K, D

H, U, T

Then I would study the first paragraph until I could repeat it in full using the first letter and then go on to the second paragraph. Once I was able to repeat the second I would then combine the first and second before moving on to the third. Once I got the third down I would then combine the first, second and third and repeat, and so on till the end of the posture. After a couple of postures my ability to learn a posture sped up and I could use this method to get a posture down in my head in an hour and then another hour I would lose the cheat sheet and know it.

Also, this is just me, I found that when we got out at night from lecture I couldn't practice dialog in my room alone or I would fall asleep. I suggest that you head down to the lobby where the breeze and noises (nothing loud) from the hotel will keep you focused. The staff will encourage you to work on your postures with others and this does work as it adds another dynamic to doing the posture that is much different then just saying it to yourself. My suggestion is not to do this too early in the posture. If you don't know the posture working with another person may just be a distraction that you don't need.

Before I learned the method above in Mexico I was using a digital recorder. I would look at the paragraph and go line by line. Say the line a bunch of times using the book and then when I got it to memory move on to the next and then when I had a couple of lines I would record and listen to myself. This technique worked for me as I said earlier, but once I got to Mexico I found the structure of our time didn't allow me enough time to make this technique work. You will find that after the first three postures the crunch will come and you will have to deliver two or three postures in a day. This is why learning as much as you can before Mexico will be a big benefit. Now you never know when this day will come as staff won't tell you. They don't give you updated agendas, so it is a real guessing game as to what will happen each day from the start to the end of the day. When you add in the short periods of time you get to study, which is really your free time between midnight (provided Bikram doesn't keep you later) and 8:30 AM when the first yoga practice takes place you don't have a ton of time to study and sleep. This is why I say the recorder method, for me, didn't work. I found that by using the method above I could actually learn a posture by myself in the posture clinic while others were delivering theirs if I had to. On a couple of occasions I actually had to do two or three postures when I had walked into the posture clinic expecting to deliver one.

The posture clinics are broken up by groups. They will make equal number of groups going by the last names. We had a total of 16 groups with 15 or so people in each. Everyday your group was in the clinic with another group and this would change each day. You are in the same group from start to finish of the TT program. They also use these groups to determine what line you will practice on each day in the studio. Now some groups were just better at dialog for whatever reason then others or the teacher (visiting teachers or staff) that were grading you moved slow or fast with their feedback of the postures thereby causing some groups to be faster / slower than others. This is why you never know how many postures you might have to deliver, and saying I only know one won't cut it. You will still have to get up and deliver what you do know. This grade will still go into the book and depending on how well you do overall with the other postures you do know it could impact on your graduation.

There are many techniques to studying dialog and once you get into posture clinic and people start to struggle with dialog you will learn from staff the numerous methods. For the most part you are on your own for learning this. Posture Clinic is a very interesting place and seeing the different people reacting to this was something I found very unique. Some people lost their voices and would totally blank and others would start to cry. Then there were others (not that many) who came in knowing their dialog verbatim from start to finish.

Ok Dear. Let Me Clarify.

2008-06-27T05:38:00.000-07:00

Hi all. Just to clarify....I got an email or two from people who kinda misunderstood my last post. Worried for me that teaching is not working out for me...not at all! It's working out great. I had a couple goals with my post:

First, just to call out some of the logistical challenges of coming home and teaching, particularly when you're not walking right into a super-supportive affiliated studio owner handing you 14 classes a week.
Second, to share that I realized, for me, that 5-6 classes/week is a good goal for me. At training, there is so much push to teach like a maniac when you get home, and I've done my best to do that given the parameters I've posted about here. But now that a couple weeks are past, I took some time to re-evaluate and balance all the aspects of my life that are important to me.

So, with that, I'll be carrying on! I got up at 6 a.m. to try a new studio, talk to the owner and see if it was going to be a good fit for me. Then, at 1 p.m. I taught a teacher-class in order to get some feedback from them on my teaching. I'm not teaching tomorrow, but am the three days following. So it's all good everyone! Not to worry. :) It will happen as it should!

Negotiating Teaching: Part 2

2008-06-26T07:17:00.000-07:00

Ok, neither my chiropractor nor my 8-pound old-lady cat can loosen what is now a tangle of muscles locked up around my spine...though both made an attempt yesterday, for what it was worth. :)

I didn't necessarily think I'd make the topic of negotiating teaching into a series of posts, but it kinda makes sense. We all were told over and over at training that "the journey really starts when you leave here and start teaching." It's true. Lots of things to balance, logistically and otherwise, and decisions to make about where you want to teach (or, in some cases, are willing to teach).

First there is the big issue of 'affiliated' vs. 'non-affiliated' studios. This is rough. You are specifically directed not to teach at non-affiliated studios - however, the reality is for many of us that these are the only option for getting classes. There are many opinions about this - unaffiliated studios typically aren't affiliated for a few reasons: Space is too small or not a rectangle (squares rooms are not ok); no showers; or they teach another style of yoga at the same studio (usually heated Power or Vinyasa Flow). Of the ones that fall into this category here, they all do teach their Bikram classes by the book with only certified teachers. So, this has been conundrum number one for me, as there are only two affiliated studios in Seattle, one of which is my home studio - they don't take new teachers - it's an old studio with seasoned students, and frankly, I think I'd get eaten alive. The second is totally packed with teachers at this time, though there is promise there with some effort and patience. So...it's a personal decision for each teacher to make, and there is a lot of judgment around it (esp. by folks who live in a city with 12 affiliated studios :) Ultimately, I would love to only teach at affiliated studios, without a doubt. Right now though...

Second, there's the whole thing about "showing your face" - that is, practicing at the studios where you want to teach. This makes all kinds of sense; you know the room better this way, students see you and your practice, and so does the owner/manager. The issue, of course, is running all over tarnation to go to class, and then doing the same thing to teach. And in my case, I still have a strong affection for the place I call home (where I can't teach), just down the street in my neighborhood, and want to practice there, too. This is another thing to juggle plus some studios are a drive and require some sitting in traffic, which with the price of gas isn't exactly a total non-issue. No biggie here, you just do what you need to of course, but it is a consideration as the ball gets rolling...

Third, Work. For me, teaching yoga alone will not pay the bills. New teachers make on the order of $40 - $45 here, or at least that's what I'm seeing. This is totally fair as you are new! Experienced teachers make on the order of (up to) $75 here. Each class is a 3-hour job, 30 min before and after, 90 minute class, and 30 minutes for wiggle room - at $15/hour, I'm not going to be paying my mortgage teaching yoga. I knew that going in of course - I have my own business as a professional organizer/personal assistant, and also take contract jobs. Right now, I've got a few organizer gigs, a couple regular personal assistant sessions starting soon, and a 1/2 time contract job starting up - in addition to teaching the yoga. (And oh yeah, practicing the yoga too, very important to teaching, so I consider that part of my 'work week' in a sense, as in, not optional but required...)

So with all that, I made a decision. I'm feel comfortable saying that I want to be a part-time Bikram yoga teacher. In the opinion of one of my favorite yoga teachers, 5-6 classes a week is plenty to both build and maintain skills - more will get it done faster, sure, but when he said that, I thought, "that sounds perfect to me!" It's also realistic, in that I have to work otherwise, and get at least 5-6 practices in a week, and balance my personal life. Part of this is practicing patience - of course I wish I could have 100 classes under my belt in short order, but it's just not going to happen that way for me. Plus, I met a girl (teacher) the other day who was in one of my classes who said she taught so much when she got back, she burned out after a few months and now just has gone back to practicing and filling in for emergencies. I felt for her - and thought, "I don't what that to happen to me..."

Teaching is exciting and fun, I'm loving it - and, at the same time, I'm back to "real life" now, and I just am putting it all together, realizing that my responsibilities (time, money) are to things I actually really want and care about - my girlfriend, my family/friends, my house, and my business. I came back from training with a validated, solid feeling that I'm set up right now in a way that maps to what I want for myself, I really feel good and at peace with my life. And, as it goes, that life happens to cost more than a yoga teacher makes...and I am ok to work within those parameters.

So, I'm continuing to take whatever chances to teach I can get - ultimately, I hope to eventually have 5-6 permanent classes a week, hopefully sandwiched into 3-4 days, leaving me 3ish days to do organizing work and contract work, with one day off each week (Fridays). Right now, I have 1 solid class/week on Saturday at 4:30; 1 class weekly (roughly) that floats around; and 1 'practice' class that is donation only that Christian and I are alternating on Sundays. So, most weeks that 2-3 for sure; and in time, I'm sure the other 2-3 will come. Plus, I have access to two studios that will let me set up practice classes of my own, should I have a light week.

Bottom line: Again, my training mentality of "Pacing, Pacing, Pacing" resurfaces. I'm dedicated, but chilling out about my initial approach of racing around and trying to force it to happen while also trying to maintain the other responsibilities of my life - instead, I'm going to keep networking and making contacts; take the opportunities to teach that come to me whenever I can; teach with gusto when I do; keep studying my dialogue like a mad woman; and trust that in the end, I will get exactly what I need at the right time. It's been true so far, so based on that, I feel solid in this approach. For now, anyhow. :)

Going to Training? Part 2: Budgeting for Training

2008-06-25T08:14:00.000-07:00

Ah, the ever-asked question, "How much money should I plan on spending for training?" Well, the answer can really, really vary based on YOU. So, here are the knowns:

From Bikram's website, the baseline costs:

US$6,600.00 -- Teacher Training Fee
US$3,900.00 -- Hotel Accommodation for each student on two students per room. (Single room US$8,000.00)

So, your baseline cost $10,500

Consider these costs which can vary:

Airplane Ticket
Airport transfers (taxi to hotel is $25, shuttle is $15...plus you may need them at home)
Housesitting/pet care
Home expenses that you pay/normal bills
*Loss of income (consider, you won't be working, and factor that gap in)
Re-acclimation time when you get home (I budgeted for a couple weeks to settle back into life)

While at training, you can spend as much or as little as you like. Now, I feel cautious posting this as what I value may not line up with what each of you value. So please, take this list/suggestion with a grain of salt, and modify to your needs. There are a few comments after this list explaining...

Bottom line: $100/week or so for average expenses - here's my breakdown

$30 - Groceries (in my case...limes, cheese, crackers, nuts - note: I was not buying water/gatorade, etc. or meat)
$10 - Laundry (again, you can handwash, go to the uber-cheap laundromat for way less...but again, time was more important to me than a couple bucks)
$20ish - Room service - usually at least one night, and this was really only for a bowl of soup, though for the same, you can do the steak sandwich, ceasar salad, etc.)
$40 - Dinner out on the weekends/Poolside Snacks/Taxis - for me, being able to go out to a decent meal was really nice and getting out of the hotel was good for me. Poolside snacks were a happy indulgence, etc. There is a shuttle to the Mega/Wal-mart area, but if you prefer a cab or end up needing one, it's $5 each way.

Not included in this were my spa fees, which you can get a $150 punchcard and use the hot tub, steam room and sauna for a full day 10x ($15/visit). I would go and study dialogue, sleep in the sauna, and generally just chill there. Massages were $100ish, haircuts $30ish, and pedicures (very important to me!) $30ish. So this, or any other special 'care and feeding' of yourself (shopping, traveling, touristy stuff, etc.) would be additional. Keep in mind you are under duress, and you will find doing something nice for yourself can make a difference. I budgeted with this in mind, got a few massages and also canceled a few when I felt ok and didn't really need to spend the money.

The doctor's office charges about $150 for a visit, but if you need it, it's there for you and in the realm of medical costs, not that expensive. Just be aware of it and prepared - no one knows how their body will react. I had plenty of friends need IVs, some as late as the last Friday night who had no big issues until then! You just don't know, so don't be surprised, plan for it and likely you won't need it.

Phone calls/contact with home - there are so many options! Skype is great if you are in the princessa tower with internet connection via a cord (or, like Todd's comment you can set up a little wi-fi network for you and your floormates). In the main pyramid though, the internet wi-fi rolls on and off constantly and Skyping from there is a frustrating experience. Either way though, it's internet, and it works most/some of the time. Be sure to go now and sign up for the Fairmont President's Club to access free internet the whole stay! www.fairmont.com - if you forget, you can't do it once you're checked in (though, I know some who begged and it worked out). You or your person at home can get phone cards too, and in the end, I just ended up using my cell phone after making sure I had a the Mexico plan turned on. It was way more convenient, doesn't disturb your roommate, and let's you be mobile so you can go sit someplace pretty to chat. Reception was great, no issues there.

In terms of eating, Todd estimated room service to be around $20 - 30 a pop; you can get a giant pizza for that and save 1/2, etc. If more people go in on it, you can split up the service charge/tip which adds 20% on the top. On the cheaper approach, I knew folks who went and got loaves of bread, lunch meat, sliced cheese and mayo and made sandwiches for dinner (or, PB&Js, etc). The Los Angeles Cafe offers mediocre sandwiches and long lines, but at a much lower price point than room service, maybe $10 for dinner. Your big meal is after morning practice, and I found we all treated dinner, in most cases, more like 'lunch' in normal life.

Because I brought a lot of what I needed, I didn't find myself spending wads of cash on daily items or anything like that. When I got sick, I did load up on Pedialyte, at a couple bucks each, stuff like that.

With all this said, I'd say $100/week overall is safe for most people, plus any extras (I'd plan $500 overall just to 'play with' - haircuts, medicine, touristy stuff, phone calls, etc.). Many did it for less, and I'm sure many spent more. It just depends on your values, your needs and your means. So, in addition to the costs to sign up, airfare, taxis, I'd suggest $1400-$1500 for comfort and ease assuming you have fairly average tastes. You'll likely go home with money in your pocket. In contrast to that, the least I heard of was one person with $400 total - he ran out of money three days before it was time to go home. Throughout, he generally just let people know his budget was wicked-tight, so a lot of us would take him our extras, foods we tried and didn't like, or just things we somehow got too much of - this worked out great for him and he was gracious for anything anyone passed on to him. With many friends by the end, everyone jumped in and took care of him the last few days. So, with that, you can obviously do it for way, way less. I'm speaking from a former-software-company-employee-37-year-old perspective; in contrast to a lot of 21-year-old actors and baristas, who had very different expectations and needs/values.

Have I qualified my thoughts enough?? :) Don't not go just because of spending money; my thought was this: I paid $10,500 off the top, a little bit more to actually help me enjoy the experience was going to be money well spent, and it was!

Those who were there along with me, chime in with your thoughts, or anything I completely forgot!

Why No Green?

2008-06-24T12:22:00.000-07:00

Bikram hates the color green and won't have it at his training. His staff supports this, so no color green anyplace in training. You can wear it on the weekend, but honestly, if it's green, just leave it home. This doesn't apply so much to patterns, as I wore my predominately yellow hoodie that has some green in the pattern upon it. Also, my little backpack had limes, lemons and oranges on it - so again, a little bit of green. If you wear green to a yoga class, you will be kicked out of that class, period.

Here's the story, as I remember it - keeping in mind I think it was late and I was tired:

Bikram's guru had a son around 12 years old; this was before Bikram started working with his guru when he was 5 years old. The guru's son was set to do a yoga demo at a festival, in the main tent. He was wearing a green shirt, which in Indian lore signifies bad luck. His mother advised him to change, he, being a near-teen, opted to wear it anyway. So, he and a friend went off to the festival for the demonstration. While in the midst of the event, a fire broke out - the guru's son got out in time, but realized his friend was not with him. He went back for the friend, and sadly, perished in the fire. Out of respect for his guru, who believed the green shirt had a hand in this inauspicious event, Bikram eschewed green at his direction from Day 1.

That's the story as I remember it. If someone interpreted it differently, please chime in. The staff will always defer to Bikram on this, so if you ask Craig or anyone, they usually will wait and let Bikram tell you as it's a very personal story for him; however, he typically tells it at each training to ~300 people, so it doesn't appear to be a secret, hence I'm sharing it here so you understand why he asks this of you if you go to training.

Going to Training? Part 1 of 3: My Final "What to Bring" List

2008-06-22T16:37:00.000-07:00

Note: Read the comments after reading this post. Christian added his thoughts, and others have asked questions I've answered there. So, be sure to check'em out.

Disclaimer: I tend to be (overly) uber-prepared girl and often opt for that approach over being super-simple. So take this for what it's worth and decide for you what is best!

---

Here it is! The Final "What to Bring" post. Be sure you consider your own interests and hobbies; and of course, ditch those items that lend to my interests and not yours. If you want to know "Why that?" just comment and I'll answer back *in the comment section* so check back there for a response. If I forgot anything, let me know! Also, consider I got made fun of a lot for all I brought, but many of those people ended up seriously praising me when I had the exact thing they needed after they humbly came and asked :)

You can see my original posting of what to bring here. Now then, yeah, I over-packed a little but there were a lot of things I was so happy to have along. Before you go to the list, here are a few thoughts:

MVP: The Britta Pitcher
In my opinion, the single best thing I brought was the Britta Pitcher. The water in the hotel is fine, really, but the taste is odd. The Britta made it taste great and gave another round of filtering. We used it and avoided slugging suitcases full of bottles every weekend. You are so tired, and using a chunk of your weekend to haul water just seems like a lot. Christian and I each kept a couple big water bottles in our fridge and refilled regularly so we were always ready for class.

MVP Runners-Up:
A small hot water kettle like this one (not technically allowed...but...tea, instant soup, etc.) - also was handy to fill the Britta, which was too tall for the bathroom sink; the power strips; good, sturdy flip-flops or sandals that can get wet.

Also, EAR PLUGs - Bikram plays movies at a deafening level, and typically until all hours of the morning. That said, the ear plugs just take the edge off and make the whole experience much more comfortable.

Wished I'd Had It:

A small pillow for sitting on during posture clinics, or a camp chair thingy (the pillow would be less invasive though, and handy for movie nights)
A pair of noise-canceling in-ear "earbuds" - sometimes I'd chill out before lecture listening to music, but my lame iPod headphones let a lot of noise in. Try Shure earbuds or something like that.
A quiet, insulated water bottle.
Oh, and a massager - the pain...oy
More cute clothes (I assumed we'd be doing posture clinic on the sweaty yoga room floor as in the past, and left most cool clothes home...and felt dumpy on the weekends especially); jewelry (I left almost all home, but it was only banned in the yoga room, not the rest of the time as I'd thought).

Another notion on food - I paid a lot ($150) to bring a second suitcase, mostly full of food which I cheerfully shared until I realized I was going to run out of things I was needing and relying on. Then it was hard to say no, when I'd said "be my guest" to that point. That said, I wished I'd had a Luna Bar for every afternoon, but I ran out because I kept giving them away to people at lecture and in my group...and then was bummed when I had to eat peanut butter toast instead; I shared my coveted organic Tamari almonds and a few others got addicted to them too...so then I had to switch to ghetto nuts from Wal-Mart. When you calculate the cost of that extra bag, them were some pricey bars and nuts! So, my advice is to bring what you need for yourself, plus a little to share, and be firm that you need the rest for yourself. I'm not at all sorry I shared! I love to share. I just ended up not getting my own needs met in deference to others, and that didn't feel very good, especially on days that were rougher than others. To be clear, it's just something I'd do differently, not a regret. So, take care of you first, and if you plan to take care of others too, just pack extra so you can share! (er, perhaps Jenn needed to practice a little bit of non-attachment in this area, huh? :)

That said, there is plenty of food at the Wal-mart and Mega...but good luck finding any sort of "bar" - they had lame 80's style granola bars and these weird ones that tasted like graham crackers...there are no Power Bars or anything remotely like that. Bring'em. Seriously.

Some Other Advice...

Laundry, was by my account, cheap - $1oish/week - and that is way cheaper than loads of LuLulemon and Shakti outfits - so the old adage of having 11 outfits really wasn't necessary - I'd say having at least 6 would make life easier, and if you're down with handwashing, go for it - I was more interested in minimizing effort/saving time so I just let them do it for me 2x/week. Now, some folks on a super-tight budget would go to the laundromat by Wal-Mart and spend several hours to save $7. It basically comes down to what's more important to you personally: Your time, or your money? I cheerfully spent that money each week!

Consider Electrolyte Capsules that you take like pills over fizzy drink thingys or big plastic bottles of stuff - it seemed having to lug Gatorade and/or Pedialytes was a pain for most people unless they were uber sick/struggling (where it made perfect, important sense). Even Emergen-C's require water, mixing, etc. I opted to take capsules. They have the same ingredients as most of them (though, without sugar/calories), and found them portable and easy. I brought 9 bottles for the 9 weeks, took 12/day (3 before, 3 after each class). It was easy and seemed way less of a hassle, assuming you're generally healthy and feeling ok...I did use Pedialyte + extra Vitamin C when I got a little sick, in addition to the electrolytes. But otherwise, they worked great. (There's a pic of the brand that I used).

Totally Did Not Need
yoga mat wipes, 2 small hand towels; electric egg cooker (hard/soft boils & poaches); dried onions; My pillow (they had nice pillows, tons of 'em); slippers (too hot); most socks; multiple PJ's - one was enough; heating pad wasn't used, the ice bag only once, but it was good to have. A lot of long-sleeve shirts that were heavier. I didn't really use the voice recorder but was glad I had it.

THE FINAL LIST
This is a packing list for Bikram Teacher Training in Acapulco, Mexico!

Note: Do not take green! No green clothes inside or outside the lecture room. Also no green mats or water bottles, notebooks, or bags/backpacks.

Yoga Stuff

1 Mat (I gotta new, cool one)
My Dialogue (printed and my CD of it in mp3)
6-11 Yoga Outfits (6-11 bras, 6-11 shorts, 6-11 headbands, hair elastics for pig-tails)
1 Regular water bottle, and consider an insulated water bottle for ice water that is quiet (unlike the Orange Towers of Shame, which were like maracas) :) Believe me, so many people there eschewed ice at home, but it got them, er...me, through the rough parts in decent order. I'm not an advocate for ice in 'real life' but there, though many shamed us, the ice really made a difference in the beginning especially.

Kitchen Stuff

Britta Water Pitcher & 3 extra filters
Mini electric kettle, 3-cup (plastic)
Mini-French press
Can opener
Knife to cut limes + baby cutting board
Small spatula
Small plastic containers (gladware) with lids for lugging snacks around (small) and storing any food leftovers/or things I make (tuna salad, egg salad...) or for stealing from the buffet (sandwich size) :)
Sponge for dishes (one with the handle you fill with dishsoap is great) & dishsoap

Food

Your favorite dry goods and canned goods (if you're picky)
Protein Powder
Peanut Butter
Nuts
Trail mix (one salty/one sweet)
Jar of mayo
Canned tuna
Dried cranberries
Crackers
2 cases of Luna Bars or your favorite health bar (60; more if you want to share with others)
Teabags
Ground coffee
Other "just add hot water!" items - soup packets, oatmeal..
Salt
Sugar
Favorite chocolate bars :)

Regular Clothes

2-4 pair of shorts/crop pants
3-4 t-shirts - not too heavy, ideally cotton blends (1/2 performance, 1/2 casual)
5-8 tank tops/sleeveless shirts (1/2 performance, 1/2 casual) - lived in these!
2 pair of jeans (one nicer, one casual)
2 skirts (or more, I'd wished I had more)
2 long-sleeve shirts (1/2 performance, 1/2 casual)
1 light jacket
2 hoodies (1 lightweight, 1 heavier)
1 cute utilitarian sweater/cardigan
2+ bathing suits...or more :)
1 bathing suit cover up (you can buy a sarong on the beach, or a coverup at Walmart easily)
3 regular bras
10+ undies (extras were good..it was hot there, so often I'd switch after yoga, etc.)
2 pair little white socks
Pajamas (1 lighter material, it's hot there! you do have AC)
1 pair of black socks
1 pair fluffy socks for movie nights. That room can be cold.
1 pair sturdy flip-flops or sandals that can get wet
1 pair pumas/sneakers
1 pair nicer/non-workout type sandals
2 pairs shoes for looking nice (dinner/graduation)
2 dresses (graduation/dinner on saturdays?)
A couple cool shirts for with jeans and skirts
Non-workout hairbands/accessories

The Rest...

Toiletries (shampoo, conditioner, hair gel, soap (bar), shower gel, face wash; lush shower bar); Exfoliating gloves, foot scrubber
Razor and replacement blades
Make-up (mascara/eyeliner, eyeliner sharpener; lip gloss, eyeshadow, baby perfume)
Face lotion with sunscreen
Powder (chafing happens)
Optional: body lotion, foot lotion, hand lotion (it was too hot and I would be too slick in class if I used these...so it was for weekends only)
Lip balm (with sunscreen)
Feminine hygiene supplies (bring your favorites, they have different brands there...and I had 3 full-on periods in 9 weeks...be prepared for anything)
Tweezers, nail clippers, nail file (emery board)
Deodorant (lots! again, they have different brands there, but one big one got me through)
Toothbrush, toothpaste (2 tubes if you're brand-picky like me), floss
Contacts, contact case, contact cleaner, re-wetting drops; back-up eyeglasses
Jewelry (for off-times; NO jewelry at all is allowed during class)
Hair bands/barrettes
Hat for inside if you like hats/hat for sun
Sunblock lotion; hand sanitizer/ antibacterial wipes (these were used only when I was sick, or people around me were coughing or snotting on everything)
Sunglasses
Blow dryer (the one in my room was lame); curling iron; hair brush
Tape measure
Laundry bag
Ice bag
Two 3-prong power strips + one 3-prong small extension cord
Computer/Macbook, anextra battery + charger
Ipod Nano & charger
Cell Phone/Iphone & charger
Camera/charger and USB cord
Voice recorder (to record classes), instructions, AAA batteries
JBC iPod player for room (this was awesome, to be able to listen to music in the room)
A few non-yoga books/magazines
Office supplies (bring a couple notebooks you like if you're picky, otherwise Wal-mart has them & pens for notetaking in classes, post-it's, index cards, highlighters, small scissors, paper clips, tape, blank CDs (for sharing files and photos with folks!))
Bikram's 2 books (he'll sign them, and good for reference)
Acapulco guide book
Mexican Spanish phrase book
Pics of my honey/family/kittens (it was nice to have touches of home)
ID/Passport/Credit Card/Cash
Eye shade and ear plugs (roommate)
Woolite; tide-to-go/oxy-clean stick
Beach bag, shoulder bag/back pack; purse or bag for going out
Massage ball or mini massager or something like this of some sort (or all of them) People will beg to borrow it! and at times, I just needed something to loosen a tight spot up, and I had a small massage ball, but a mini massager or acupressure gizmo would've been a life-saver.

Medication

General Stuff (advil (bring A LOT), tylenol (bring a GOOD AMOUNT), ammodium, nightquil gelcaps, cold/sinus pills, benedryl, tums, pepto bismal; nasal spray; cough drops; throat spray)
All of your RX's; pill box (really, the days blur together, this will ensure you don't miss any doses)
General "first aid kit" (bandaids, neosporin for little cuts/scrapes/blisters, hydrocortisone cream for the heat rash, ben-gay for sore muscles)
Thermometer
Bug spray
Portable kleenex (1 or 2)

Vitamins/supplements
Jenn's magic formula little pill packs that I took at lunch and dinner:

Electrolytes (duh.)
Calcium (joint health)
Multi-vitamin (general health)
Vitamin B (nerve health)
Tumeric (joint health)
Potassium (electrolyte)
Glucosine (joint health)
Vitamin C (add'l taken only when I was sick)

I used mini-pill baggies and made them up each weekend for the week (7 labeled for lunch, 7 marked dinner)...otherwise, I'm not sure I'd have been so religious about it. They were portable and easy. I have no idea what it would've been like without these things, but I do know that with them, I did pretty well!

Let me know if you have any questions, or any suggestions!

Negotiating Teaching

2008-06-22T06:44:00.000-07:00

Things are going pretty well in Teaching-Land. The owner of the one studio that is a bit of a drive has taken a very strong interest in all of the new teachers. I taught those two classes last Tuesday, and then again taught on Thursday - a class she was able to be in. It took a couple days to get in touch with her, but she gave me a whole lot of feedback that I'm going to work incorporating and working on...

A couple things that stood out for me were:

- Using phrasing from one posture in another, similar posture. Apparently, I said, "Bend your body down from the lower spine to the floor" a few (jillion) too many times. So, I went back and reviewed which postures have that line and now will only use it appropriately.

- Another reminder that I need to stay focused on the details of postures that were not ever hard for me, but that are very hard for a lot of people. In this case, Fixed Firm - where I plopped right down day one (open hips, healthy knees, flexible Jenn...). I apparently haven't been saying a dang thing about "be careful of the knees" nor have I offered any modification options for when the knees hurt. Oy! So, again, I reviewed one.

- A myriad of other things - mostly dialogue, a little bit of pacing though overall she said I was good, and continued work on breathing.

The other thing at this point that I'm working to negotiate are all of the nuances of each studio. This ranges from how to deal with the heat (last night, I cooked those poor people. The owner told me the heat was self-regulating...and after opening windows, and having a student advise me on how to turn the heat off, the thermostat was still reading 108! Live and learn...they certainly all felt they got their money's worth...); all of the check-in systems and rules (ranging from online software to little books/cards/papers...) and the hardest: rules in the room. For some, it's "nothing but clear water, no fancy waters" or "we always give advice on dealing with high blood pressure during the floor series" (this wasn't covered in training at all); leave the fans on...turn the fans off...lights on...lights off. I'm sure once I'm doing it for a while, it'll all come clear! Right now, I've had or will have classes at 3 different studios with a couple others on deck. It's all good! And I am continuing to learn and study and practice :)

Speaking of my practice, that's been going well too. I'm still getting 5-6 in a week, no doubles though :) I'm all set in that regard for a while. Now I'm also practicing at different places, which is interesting to have a different space, different teachers and just the overall different (I'll just say it) vibe. Some are hotter, some not so hot - which is fine because I can focus on different aspects of my class (hotter = more mentally challenging for me; not-so-hot = more focus on postures and details). My body is still in pretty good order, my hips are a little achy sometimes after teaching from standing in 1 place for 90 minutes without really moving. I'm sure I'll get some chops in that regard and it will be better. And, my poor bum still hurts a lot, with lesser agitation in the hamstrings, low back and little bit shoulders. Nothing new, so that's good.

I'm still having a load of fun just being home! I am slowly but surely churning through coffee, lunch, dinner, yoga, and walking dates with friends and family. There are a few local folks looking to go to training so I'm meeting up with them to give them the 411 before I forget it all. It's a great time of year here, of course, and so just being out and about is really nice. Jill and I fell right back into order pretty easily - I think her coming to training that last week made for a nice, smooth transition back to couple-dom. Still, my favorite things are cooking dinner, getting up when I want to (it's still always early, really, but my choice) and the best: going to Yoga because I want to, not because I have to! :)

Posts to Come: Packing List Update; and I'm debating on this - but this week I'm spending a chunk of time with my notes on each posture, and I'm going to combine and tidy them so I have all the nuances, health benefits and other tidbits in one place. I'm debating posting each one as a separate post. Interested?

Enjoy Some Movies

2008-06-19T22:16:00.000-07:00

Courtesy of my friend Todd - "yogaforachievers" on YouTube, here's a bunch of clips from the talent show we had that I was not in... Here's one that gives a nice overview of the hotel & grounds:

The rest are here:
http://www.youtube.com/user/yogaforachievers

Enjoy!

Mega-Yoga Day!

2008-06-17T18:10:00.000-07:00

What a day, yoga-wise!

I started the day at 7:30 with a private dialogue coaching session with Saiko, my mentor. We met at my home studio in Fremont and did about 1.5 hours of dialogue, with heat. She picked out postures, I did them, and then she critiqued me and provided little tips for each one we did. It was very helpful!

At 9:30, I took class - had a nice practice, though mornings are not my favorite time, Jill had walked down and it was fun to take class with her.

Then, at 1:15 I had my 2nd class - another 'mock' class at a studio in Woodinville, a ways away for me (about a half hour, but in a very different area from where I typically hang out). The studio is lovely! I got there, and the owner was there, she said she couldn't take my class :( but would hope to soon. That was ok though, I was ready and excited to teach!

A few minutes later, she said, "So I've heard through the grapevine that you're 'ready'." I thought she meant for the 1:15 class (minutes away at this point) so I said, "Yep, I'm all set to go here in a few." And she then told me her 3:30 teacher called off, and asked if I'd teach it! Sight unseen, just based on feedback from two teachers who'd been to my first class. I was flattered, shocked and excited all at once! So I went on to teach 2 classes, right in a row, the first to folks in the know - a free class for a new teacher - and the second, a group of people who only saw me as "new to the studio." It was super cool!

There was a 16-year old girl in my first one who has Chron's disease, she and her mom come together and she said it helps with the symptoms a lot. The second class I had a girl who brought her 60-something Japanese mom, who is in town visiting - and who (1) did not speak any English and (2) had never done Bikram before! I had to help her with hands in Eagle and the grip in standing bow (just like people who do speak English :)...but she did great. There was also a young guy who was taking his 2nd class - he was great and a wonderful opportunity for corrections - a lot of newbie things like grips, chin position, eye position - easy things to see and fix.

It's getting there - I'm getting more confident and feeling more relaxed when I'm up there teaching! A Bikram teacher whom I had never met was also in the 2nd class I taught - she sent me some good feedback. And it's funny, things I thought I did well she suggested I work on, and the area I thought I was weak, she said was fantastic! So there you have it - we don't perceive ourselves as our students do, and it's important to listen and adjust based on your audience, not your own sense of things, ego or pride. It's all about them - and I just keep reminding myself of that, and with that, know it will all turn out well!

More soon, promise!

One Week Home: I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be!

2008-06-16T07:26:00.000-07:00

Wow!

It's been a week since I got home and it feels like a month, or even two. I'm not kidding - and it's a good thing, not a bad one.

Now, I don't know how 'deep' my reflections on teacher training can really be at this point - a whoopin' 1 week out - but I have a few thoughts I'll share at this point.

I loved it. I really, really loved it. In thinking back on it this week, I collected my thoughts on a lot of things and came to a few conclusions...

First, Teacher Training - for me - was not the hardest thing I have ever done. I realized this around the middle - Week 4 or Week 5 - and at the time, it was a good learning and it kept me going (i.e., "You've survived worse). Like what, you ask? Well, anyone I've said this to has asked the same - "Jenn, what was harder??" I easily came up with 4 things - the tornado I was in when I was 14, my two grueling break-ups (the first was more about co-dependency; the second was more about facing my own mistakes/darker side); and the crowning jewel: My weight.

Losing the weight after weight loss surgery was by far the hardest thing I've done to date in this lifetime. Possibly because it was the wrap-up of no less than 10 serious attempts over 15 years - each resulting in 50+ pounds of weight loss only to be gained back the minute I so much as walked by a bakery. It required me to look at every part of myself - emotional, spiritual and physical - while have the eyes of everyone I knew upon me, wondering (though not wanting to wonder this way)... "will she just gain it back this time, too?" Hell, I wondered if I'd gain it back! Or fail in some other way - either not losing to begin with, or cheating, or whatever. Along with this came the task of figuring out how NOT to equate the number on the scale with the potential of my day or self-worth; that is, if I gained, I was bound to feel like shit about myself (even if only .5 lbs), and if I lost, I was on top of the world. This was all messed up, no? And conquering a good 35 years of thinking this way was no small feat. Waking up asking, "How will I lose weight today?" was a given back then, and really, it was a veil for, "Will I like myself today?"

Thankfully, that time has passed. While it may ebb and flow, at least now I know what it looks like to be on this side of it. Defeating that part of myself, which was a primary shareholder, let me tell you, far outweighed the challenge of Teacher Training - for me. Which leaves y'all asking, "Then what did teacher training do for you??" Well, let me tell you... :)

For me, at this point, I would say there were a few outcomes of teacher training:

1) The first, most obvious, is that I am certified and can now teach Bikram yoga! Yay! More on that later.

2) As mentioned in my goals post, physically, I couldn't have asked for more from my body. It really showed up for me and I have never loved it more. This is HUGE (unlike me, at this point ;) Seriously, to not feel body-hate is weird, it's like something is missing but in a good, good way.

3) Emotionally, it validated that I am exactly where I'm supposed to be (to steal a quote from my sister Kate, who's blog has this as a title). Theoretically, we all are exactly where we are supposed to be - I suppose - but we don't always like it. Right now, I think I learned that I'm in fairly good order. I've worked my ass off these past three or so years - again, the weight loss is so little about food and so much more about your inner self, so much about not using food as a weapon, a tool for self-love (or hate), and learning to forgive yourself when you aren't perfect. (Shock! Newsflash: I am not perfect. Amen!)

So with this, I came home gleefully to a renewed sense of validation around loving my life right now. A lot of people who were at training are not having this experience - many are going home to break-up relationships, move, quit jobs, go to therapy, and deal with confusion, lack of direction and a myriad of fears - for all of us, removing ourselves from our daily lives let us take a good hard look at what it is we are doing with ourselves. Lots of different people got lots of different answers - and I'm not assigning judgment to my experience (or conclusions) or anyone elses for that matter. It's all good - we all learned something and now have to decide where to go from here. I was open to whatever came my way, as best as I could be, and being home has just shown me that at this point in my life, things are nicely lined up. Sure, I worry a little about my business, still in its infancy, and thus worry about money (but trust I will have enough); I get a little scared when I step on the scale (which is far rarer now that my compulsive weighing of the past), and overall, like anyone, all of the relationships we have in life have ups and downs, which are challenging. I'm not saying my life is 'perfect' but rather that I'm plum satisfied with the choices I've made and I feel the challenges that face me are fair and doable.

All that heavy stuff said, I'm also happy to just be back in my world. To go to the coffeeshop and run into friends, walk around the lake, to have people call and stop over and hang out for an hour, to see my 90-year-old friend and neighbor...to cook dinner at home!!! So good, all of it. Oh good lord the first vegetable I chopped nearly brought a tear to my eyes (and it wasn't an onion) - and while I was literally afraid to cook the $18 piece of fresh King Salmon from the farmer's market for fear I would ruin it (it's been so long since I cooked!), it came out perfectly! Even yesterday, mopping the floor, I felt this strange sense of joy. It's just nice to be home, back to my life, my stuff, my hobbies, and most of all - my people.

An aside: For those of you who like this kinda thing, I have another blog where I post a photo every day - sometimes I slack and then catch up, but I'm re-committing! No words, or very few, but just a little pic of something that I saw that day. It's at: www.jenngemini.blogspot.com

p.s. More on how yoga is going, and a teaching update in my next post!

Pix:
Above, the farmer's markets are back in full swing!; My birthday; dinner prep!; me and Xaven, Jill's coffeeshop co-owner's baby, born 3 days after I left for TT; Greenlake; 4 - count'em - 4 cats; and Me and Leela, my friends' Paige & Joe's daughter who I swear grew 6 inches while I was away.

Feeling Lonely? Come soon.

2008-06-13T07:00:00.000-07:00

A little memory from our last class at Teacher Training.

My First Class!!!

2008-06-12T21:23:00.000-07:00

I did it!

I taught me a Bikram Yoga Class and nobody got hurt. At least I don't think anyone got hurt, though Jill is complaining of new ankle pain, I don't think it was my fault :)

Today was my first class - it was a "mock" class in that no one paid for it. Saiko set it up (she set up the one for Christian this past Tuesday in the same way) by inviting all the students on her mailing list as well as all of her teacher friends to attend. I had 12 people in all - 3 of my personal friends (Jill, Mikey & Conrad) and the rest, except for 3, were teachers. Christian was there, of course, and Roxanne, who attended training with us in Acapulco.

What can I say? Most report their first class was a blur - true in this case, to some degree. What I found most challenging were things like:

- Managing the heat (windows open/closed at the right times and for the right amount of time)
- Looking at a variety of students (I tended to focus on one person at a time)
- People looking at me with that pained, "I'm gonna die" kinda look on their faces (I know it well, as I make that face at my teachers) - but they just looked so much like they were truly suffering...oy, that was hard.
- It was way more exhausting that I expected - that is a lot of energy to put out and while I knew it, I was feeling it too.
- Timing - keeping longer postures a full minute, and the second set half of that time - since many of those came at the beginning, I hadn't quite gotten in the groove of using the little clock I had.
- Trying to not be nervous was hard at first!

The things that were good from my perspective:

- I used a lot of dialogue - tons - and I was indeed surprised how much of it was "in there"
- Overall, there were no big huge mess-ups
- My newer-to-Bikram friends and a couple of the newer people simply thought it was "great!" and since in many ways they are my target audience (rarely will I walk into a room full of teachers randomly), that made me feel good.

I got some nice compliments too:
- My voice was strong
- I had good enthusiasm
- I multi-tasked well (with 1 exception) opening and closing windows
- I had good dialogue

I have plenty to work on - like practicing the yoga, teaching is similar in that every day is different:

- Shortening up set-ups, particularly in Triangle
- Working on timing, making sure both sides are the same length as well as making sure the first set longer than the second (where appropriate)
- Being more comfortable overall, owning it
- Strengthening up my stance, not moving (this got better after about 20 minutes...but still)
- Doing corrections (I did a few today that were good and went ok!)
- From my perspective, connecting more with the students.

It ended exactly at 90 minutes, and while it was my intention, it certainly wasn't my expectation that it would happen that way! I am glad to have one under my belt and expect my confidence to grow as I keep practicing!

Over the next while, I plan to do some logistical things (like my revised packing list) and I still have a few others posts up my sleeve. Stay tuned!

Pix: Above, Jill snapped a few of me teaching my first class, here's two - I'm probably using my hands too much in one; and obviously checking my little clock in the other :)

Yoga-Free Birthday!

2008-06-11T21:16:00.000-07:00

Today I turn a whoopin' 37 years-old. I can't complain, as life just keeps getting better. Jill and I walked around the lake - dialogue in hand - in lieu of yoga today. It felt a little funny to not go, but the way the day went, timing just didn't work out. I went to the spa and got a massage - my body is wicked wrecked from teacher training, and the massage was lovely!

Tomorrow is my first class! I'm nervous and excited. Jill was wonderful and let me go through the whole series in the living room, one set, both sides. Aside from Head to Knee with Stretching Pose, which for some reason I just can't seem to get in my head, I feel fairly confident with the dialogue. So, we'll see how it goes! Wish me luck - more to come :)

Pix: A 37-year-old Jenn!

Christian's First Class!

2008-06-10T15:13:00.000-07:00

Christian taught his first class today! It was a mock class set up by Saiko with a good showing of around 10 people. He did a great job! It was quite hot, and I certainly got a good class in :) Yay, ck! :) Here he is after the big event, no doubt coming down off his yoga teaching high!

Goals Redux: Then & Now

2008-06-10T08:30:00.000-07:00

Then and now...click above and you can watch a little 12-second video of me walking, from behind, when I was uber-fat. Here's a pic from that time too....

That was me in 2005 - and here I am today, having just finished my 97th Bikram yoga class in 62 days. I feel like teacher training was a capstone experience for me to see what this new, improved body could do, after all the work and effort I put into it over the past few years to get it healthy. It absolutely came through for me, and I couldn’t be happier living in it! Bottom line: I have never, ever loved my body like I do right now. Ever.

Back on the flight to Acapulco on April 5, I wrote my goals out and posted them here. I grabbed a copy and reviewed them on the flight home. I wanted to write my thoughts about how I ‘performed’ against them straight away, and perhaps will revisit and look at my opinion again in a few weeks, and maybe still again in a few months. I had a lot of’em, so this may take a bit. I’ll capture what I wrote originally, and then give my thoughts on what came of it.

Before I do, I want to call out what for me are my most proud accomplishments. I think we're all taught to be uber-humble and never toot our own horns, yet I think many of us (myself, anyhow) might have a little more self-confidence if it was socially acceptable to say things like "I'm a good cook" vs. "I like to cook, and I work hard to get better at it..." so here, I'm unabashedly going to say what I did well at training. Below is the whole sha'bang, this is the nutshell:

1) I never missed a sign-in; no make-up classes for me!
2) I avoided "yoga drama" - really, I didn't over involve myself in a way that lead to drama.
3) I never left the room; or my mat; or, after the first two days, I never missed a posture!
4) I supported people but did not over-extend myself to the point of putting their needs before mine.
5) I ate what I needed to in order to have a successful, happy, healthy experience at training - putting aside weight loss goals and trusting the process, which worked, as I lost a load of inches and toned up nicely!

Ok, here's the original goals with their outcomes:

1) Physical: In this area, I think it is fair to have some expectations. I'm not going to be specific though - my expectation is that my body will come out of this training better than when it went in. I expect to be stronger, better at some postures, and maybe weighing a little less (I mean really, did you think I would leave that out??) or else, at a minimum, lose some inches. In terms of hopes - I hope for no injuries, no illness, easy periods, and the stamina and strength of a clydesdale!

Whoa. I love this part! As they say in the corporate world, I exceeded expectations! I am traveling home in a way, way better body than I showed up with 9 weeks ago. I did not lose weight, but indeed, did lose inches. I toned up like mad and can still hardly believe how my body feels to me. Firmer, tougher, stronger all around. In some postures I feel light as a feather whereas in the past, I felt like a dead weight. Health-wise, I can’t complain: Two short bouts of low-grade diarrhea; A rash that went away fast; I skimmed the top of a cold for a few days; and though my uterus blessed me with three periods in a mere 9 weeks, they weren’t bad at all. Oh, and my stamina. God bless my body. Clydesdale I was – I felt like a mighty-mouse powerhouse in this body of mine and I couldn’t be more grateful to it!

Oh, and my postures - I'd say I had some wicked movement in all of the backbending postures, and my leg strength has done wonders for my balancing series. More than anything, I have such a much, much deeper understanding of the nuances of each one, and the importance of those nuances, that I expect will change as I keep evolving and...practicing!

2) Emotional: Oy. Now this is a place where I am super excited and anxious all at once. I am wide open. I have no expectations, other than that of myself to be emotionally open, open, and more open to whatever comes up for me. (However, I secretly hope for some grand epiphany unlocking all of my psyche's mysteries - not expectation, I said hope, people. :)

This is another area I feel really good about - I stayed pretty darn open if you ask me. I had a few rough classes, and I just let myself cry if I needed to, allowed most feelings of anger quickly pass through that veil to what they really are – hurt, pain – and just tried to let my emotions come and go without a lot of judgment or attachment. And well, my secret hope did not happen – I didn’t exactly have a grand epiphany though I did have a few nice realizations. Additionally, I really enjoyed watching and being a part of seeing other people realize things about themselves.

3) Spiritual: Again, here, I expect some movement - some movement in my ability to find my own quiet, focus, peace and connection to myself, and my body. Again, nothing specific, I imagine something will happen, and going through teacher training will teach me something about myself at a spiritual level, and hopefully in a way that let's me live my life a little bit more in the way I want to.

This area I think I’ll need more time to really assess, but off the cuff, I feel like all of these things grew – focus, peace, quiet. And my connection to myself and my body – hell yeah – I’ve never felt more in love with my body and myself in my lifetime. Ever. It’s pretty cool. I believe I have greater ability to be quiet in my mind, fearlessly. While I won’t quite say I’ve reached bulletproof status, I think in moments, I can be – and that is a new thing! I'll take it.

4) Logistical: I want to never leave the room. I want to never leave the room. I want to never leave the room. Did I mention, I have a goal of NEVER LEAVING THE ROOM. We'll see how I do; I will allow myself exceptions if something, er, inappropriate would occur if I did not (think: intestinal distress, etc.). I just don't want to leave for emotional overwhelmedness; for anxiety; or for fear. In those moments, I remind myself, "It's ALWAYS better to stay in the room." I half want to set a more hardcore goal - like, never missing a posture; like, never laying down...but I'm not here to be a hero. I'm here to practice physically (and emotionally) doing the right thing for myself in any situation, which means pushing myself as hard as I can, while knowing when enough is enough - when it is the right thing to allow myself to rest (guilt-free) in any given posture, set, series or class.

Oh mama, my proudest accomplishments lie here. Not only did I not leave the room, I never left my mat – and, after the first few days of acclimating – I NEVER MISSED A POSTURE. This is not anything I expected, and once I got about ½ way, it kept me going (you’ve gone this far, don’t sit down now; yes, I know everything is black and you can’t see... Just do what they say; yes, you’re pissed, but you’ll be more pissed if you sit and you don’t really need to sit!).

It is amazing what one is capable of when pushed and pushed and pushed. I have to say, I am still shocked and surprised. As mentioned above, my body really, really showed up for me, so any physical distress was simply yoga related; I didn’t have the flu, I was eating and hydrating well, I took my electrolytes and vitamins, nothing was pulled or broken. In all, everything simply lined up. I won’t hold back though, I am super proud of myself and glad I had the opportunity to achieve this! After hating and being disgusted with my body for so many years, and putting so much energy into that self-loathing, this 180 degree experience has allowed me to see myself (and my body) in a whole new way.

My goal is to be good at reciting my dialogue, delivering it with some level of inspiration, gusto and genuineness. I would like to not sound nervous or unsure, but rather confident and firm (by the end of it all) :)

Er, we’ll see about this. I definitely was nervous and not nearly as confident as I’d hoped to be when delivering dialogue. It wasn’t a disaster, but also not what I’d hoped for. I worked hard, did my best in the confines of the situation, and figured this was a place I can continue to work hard at home! More to come as I get out there at teach!

5) Socially: There are so many different kinds of people here and I want to meet and learn something from them! I realize some connections we make in our lifetime are purely logistical - that amazing person you talk to on a plane never to encounter again, for example; and I expect to meet some people here who resonate for me in this setting in a big way that may not carry over to regular life. Additionally, I figure on meeting a person or two who will be the "lifelong friends" that everyone tells you that you will meet at training. The nutshell is, I hope to meet and connect with some cool people, a few of whom maybe I will keep in touch with after training. And that all said, I want to practice not putting sooooooo much energy into others, that is, knowing them and helping them in ways that may not serve me (like, I'm beat, I know my dialogue, but you need help....so I'll stay up to late for you. No Jenn. NO! Because the follow-up is, "then tomorrow I will resent you and be furious with myself for making a bad choice..." No one wins here! I know this, I just need to practice it!). When it happens this way, I want to be able to say "this person is not for me; I don't need to stay here and work to 'make it so' when it's just not. Let them go, move on, take care of yourself." I've been known to just try to get someone to like me, when maybe I didn't even like them so much - I just didn't like the fact that they didn't seem to like me. Now there's a batch of energy I don't need to expend in this setting. I want to practice a level of discernment in terms of who I put energy into outside of myself.

Here’s another place I feel really good about! I did indeed meet a handful of wonderful people I know for sure I will see again. I also met many others whom I delighted in talking with and connecting with in the context of what we were there for. While I may or may not see them again, I really, really am glad to have known them.

As for boundaries, I had'em! There were a lot of people going through a lot – I found myself able to be supportive where/when and how I could without ripping myself off. I didn’t coddle or try to ‘save’ anyone; in fact, at times, I was pretty firm in my approach which is something I’ve never really been comfortable doing – though I know 'tough love' is often the best support someone can give me. So I watched and learned and didn’t over-involve myself but still felt I gave what was healthy for both parties involved in many situations. It was good to have the chance to practice this concept, as it’s been a big ‘to-do’ for me for the last, oh, let’s just say many, years.

6) Afterwards: Who can say what after all this will be like? I suppose in 9 weeks I will. But for now, I want to teach right away (Saiko is generously coordinating a mock class on Thursday at 12:30 just a couple days after I get home! Those of you in Seattle, mark your calendar: June 12th at 12:30 in Laurelhurst!!! Jenn's 1st Class). Ongoing, I want find opportunities to teach at least 3x/week, and of course, practice at least 5-6x/week. And after a few months, assuming I like it, figure out what might be next.

Well, what can I say here? Time will tell, and more to come! But I’m enthusiastic and excited, but also tempering those feelings with my total lack of finesse and experience at this point. I know it will work out and I will get the classes I need to build my skills! Stay tuned for more on that.

Allow Me One Post to Gush About Seattle

2008-06-09T23:14:00.000-07:00

I will get back to yoga tomorrow - I have a post all ready for y'all. But allow me to gush about my first day back in Seattle. What a joy! I love where I live, despite the fact that it was 49 degrees and rainy...summer really doesn't kick in until July 'round these parts.

Anyhow, I woke up around 7 a.m. and did some emailing and puttering before 9:30 a.m. yoga with Saiko. She was so supportive of both Christian & I in our prep and execution of teacher training, and she was my last class at home before training - so it seemed fitting she be my first class back. A bonus though was that Nina, who taught me and Christian in our first Bikram class ever, was there too! She has been gone about a year and got back while we were at training. It was so fun, I practiced right next to her, with Jill right behind me - what a nice welcome back!

Class was so different than before. I did have two other teachers near me and I felt like the new kid at school, kinda. They both have stunning (re: brochure-worthy) practices and well, I don't. So I felt a bit klunky and whatnot but had a good practice, especially after 3 days off and a long day of sitting on an airplane. It was weird to be in such a small room with only around 25 people (I used to think the room was big, holding up to 60 people!), and just seeing such a range of skills, focus and interest. Things like everyone not moving together, laying down in Awkward, and other little things were a big change from training. Plus, the low humidity here made the room feel like a hot, dry heat vs. the humidity fest we had in Acapulco, where I'd be drenched by the end of Pranayama and here, I hit that same level of sweat somewhere around Triangle. Crazy. I had notions of doing a double, but I was pooped and decided instead to hang with my gal.

Jill and I then went to Lighthouse for my first Seattle coffee - my usual, a double tall soy latte. I nearly teared up - 9 weeks without a decent, well-made espresso drink was a long, long time for Seattle-based Jenn. I was so happy! Then we cleaned up and met my sister Megan for Thai food for lunch (Seattle is laden with Thai food, but my 'hood in particular has a particular density of it). Mmmm! It was such a nice change.

After, a little shopping, and quick visit to Jill's business partner who had a baby 5 days after I left, so I got to meet the little guy - and then off to see the new Sex in The City movie at one of my favorite (dumpy, old, charming) theaters. I did stop to have one of my favorite cupcakes and an Americano beforehand :) The movie was fun and after, Jill said, "let's go to Presse." Not a suggestion you have to make twice with me!

So, we headed to Capitol Hill for amazingly good crazily cheap French food, it was like a little date, the whole evening, and super fun! Last stop was a little thrifting at Value Village (Monday is 1/2 price day!) where I picked up a couple 'finds' including a cute pair of Prana pants for $5. Woo-hoo!

I'm still unpacking and getting organized. Here's some news: I have two official, real classes on the books! Monday June 23rd & 30th at 8:15 p.m. in Laurelhurst. Yay! Mock class is still on for this Thursday at 12:30, also at Laurelhurst. I also sent a bunch of emails out to get my organizing business drummed up again - and here's a good little lesson. I had a very lucrative job scheduled for May 1 that I had to let go of in order to go to Teacher Training - and today, when I checked my mail, I got one saying that the gig moved to July 1st and could I still do it? - Honestly, it gave me great pause at the time, thinking I could do this job and it would essentially have paid for TT in the fall. But in this case, turns out I got to have my cupcake and eat it too! It's best to always trust that things will work out, they often do!

Back to wrapping up yoga camp tomorrow! Thanks for indulging me :)

Pix: Above, quintessential seattle coffee- I'm home! Class #1 at home :); Coffee, Thai Food, Rainy Day Jenn; Cupcake; Movie; Dinner at Presse; Thrifting!

Before & After: A Few Comparison Photos

2008-06-09T07:00:00.000-07:00

Before & Afters...

1st class; last class. What a difference!
Flying to Acapulco; flying home.
Christian & I after the first class; and after the last!

Day 64: Heading Home!

2008-06-08T22:40:00.001-07:00

It’s hard to believe it’s really, really over. The training, of course – the real part is just about to begin: Teaching. Still, saying goodbye to people who I’ve come to expect to see daily was difficult. We were pushed to practice non-attachment this whole 9 weeks – the idea that when you can let things happen and flow and trust that all will be well – simply put, makes life easier and more peaceful. So leaving today was just another transition in life, really – as I mentioned, I was pretty comfortable with the notion that the 9 weeks would have an end. Still, it’s sad to think this time will never be again – never will this group of people be in the same place at the same time doing this same (er, crazy) thing.

We were on our way on time, around 9, and found a bunch of yogis at the airport headed to Mexico City as we were. There, we got to spend one last meal with Steve & Priscilla, along with a few others who we happened upon on the journey. As the day went on, more and more yogis fell out of the fold. By the time we got on our flight to Seattle, though, it was down to just Christian, me, Jill and Colleen, from Bellingham. And soon, we’ll all be back home doing our own things and having to work on integrating this whole experience into “real life.” I’m excited for it, truth be told!

Travels home otherwise were flawless. I studied my dialogue and caught up some blogging on the plane. My good friend Mikey picked us up and we got home around 8:30 p.m. He stayed and visited for a while and I can already see that I seriously drank the kool-aid, so to speak, and I will be finding it hard to rattle on about anything other than Teacher Training for a while (sorry friends & family). Getting back to our house and my girlfriend, my kitties and little things you take for granted – art on the walls, colors you haven't seen in living space in a long time, my kitchen, green lush northwesty trees and grass...Yay, home!
---
Pix: Last buffet (I was a little sad!) with my final Huevos Rancheros; Acpulco from above; the Northwest waters...a different look; Seattle from above; my car; my house! Above, me and my old lady kitty, Headbutt. :)

Day 63: Jenn Sees Acapulco!

2008-06-07T22:20:00.000-07:00

Leaving the compound on the weekends was pretty much unappealing when you feeling beaten to a pulp, having to study and maybe, just maybe, relaxing a bit. Other than a handful of dinners out, I never saw anything here other than the hotel. Seems lame, I know. Hard to explain, really. (For anyone planning to come: More reason to learn your dialogue ahead, then you and the two others who know it before you come can go and play ☺)

Kudos to my lovely girl Jill who got us ‘out of the house’ today. We had room service breakfast and a leisurely morning (yes, I opted out of the yoga class at 9:30 and the advanced class at noon) we headed out around 11:30. The smartest $50 we could spend was dropped on Ruben, a lovely cabbie whose services we rented for 4 hours (along with his cab) to take us around Acapulco. Jill did the research and the two of them blathered on in Spanish working out the route for our touristy day.

We started with the uber-famous cliff-divers. Now, I’d had mixed reviews, and in the end, we were glad we did it the way we did. It’s way on the other side of Acapulco, so it takes a good while to get there (50 minutes). There were two options - $40 for two, or $7 for two. We paid $7. It started at 1 p.m. and around 8 guys dove each one getting higher and higher on the cliff. It was pretty amazing to see – and for $7 and 20 minutes of my time, it was a good spend of energy. At night, apparently, torches are involved ☺

Next stop was the throwback Flamingo Hotel, built by Red Skelton and some other Hollywood bigshots with a focus on Johnny Weismuller of Tarzan fame, who had a big round room/suite, which is still there today. It is touted as the “Hollywood gang hideaway” from 1950 – 1984. Ruben walked us around and showed us the bushes shaped like jungle animals, various views, helped us pick mangos off the tree and gave a good overview of the kitsch that abounded. It was a fun stop, just a few minutes past the cliff-divers.

After that was the town square, a flea market and then a veggie/fruit market. We were started to feel a little spent but had fun walking around and seeing the weird foods and other goodies. We didn’t buy anything, but it felt fun to be in “old” Acapulco and see local people doing their thing.

We got back to the Fairmont around 4 and had some pool time. Greg was walking around pouring tequila out of the bottle into the mouths of many yogis; I partook if only for the photo op – it was truly just a splash. Jill and I ordered snacks and relaxed by the pool for a bit before dinner. Packing ensued, and we had dinner at the ‘fancy’ place onsite with Todd & Christian - what fun to order a glass wine with the steak! Our server took a ton of Bikram classes, 72 of the 94 we did! All workers at the hotel were invited to take the yoga for free. He loved it, hadn’t ever done yoga before, and now plans to take training in the fall. How cool is that?

We fly out at 11:35 a.m. tomorrow!!! YAY!
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Photos: Cliff divers in action; Flamingo Hotel; Old Acapulco; and my poser shot of me with a splash of Greg's tequila (I'm not exactly a drink from the bottle kinda girl!)... :)

Day 62: Graduation Day Part 2 - In Words

2008-06-06T23:59:00.000-07:00

Well, by now you reviewed the riveting photos of the crazy graduation day. I will give you a run-down of the festivities.

I woke up a little stressed, not really having anything good to wear…so we went down to the boutique in the hotel where I found a perfect dress in my size for a mere $700. It’s still there. Jill, however, found me a nice little scarf for $27 that would nicely dress up a simple black dress I had, so we went with that, stopping off to get my toenail polish changed at the spa to match exactly. Then, I called pal Morgan who had mentioned having an extra dress…I went and tried it on and it fit like a glove (a tight glove in some areas) and get this – the scarf and toenails were a PERFECT match to the purplish design amongst the peach dress. Again, I learn…”why do you worry about anything. Everything always works out!” So, once dressed, we headed down for the 11 a.m. start.

The graduation ceremony itself was…well, I can’t lie…long. There were some speeches, the yoga demonstration (which was wicked cool), and then a long list of thank-you’s to people who absolutely deserved them. There were just a lot of them. Awards were given for best dialogue, best ‘bulldog determination’, the ‘flower petal blooming’ award for the person who improved/grew the most (Yay, Roy!), and a couple others (sadly, there was no award for ‘best blog’ or I’d have entered.. ;). Bikram gave a nice short speech, and a few others people spoke, then we had a break before the calling of the names.

Each person’s name was called by Craig, and then we got our certificate from Bikram, had a photo, and then thanks Rajashree before exiting the stage. Bikram was very sweet and genuinely congratulatory to me in that moment, and I appreciated it a lot. Whether he’d know me on the street is another question, but it felt nice on the stage.

Afterwards was a different buffet that was built-up in a way that caused a bit of disappointment. Still, the effort was there and the food was fine. We headed to Todd’s room for champagne with our crew – Todd, Jennifer (+hubby Dennis), Steve & Priscilla, Alysse, and of course, Christian, Jill & I. Our first alcohol after 9 weeks! Whooo! Of course it gave me a little headache. Then Jill and I headed to the pool a while later and I had a margarita, after which I was (to be) done with alcohol for the day…more on that in a sec. We headed in for a nap before the beachside bonfire/s’mores and cash bar.

Around 7, the evening fun began. Despite not planning to drink more, I had another margarita that I didn’t even finish. I was way more excited for toasted marshmallows, and 4 of them made their way down my throat in mere moments. Various groups formed and people drank/visited at the hotel bars (which we’d all looked at from afar, but never visited in 9 weeks!), and Jill and I took a small respite before heading down around 10:30 for dancing in the club in the hotel. They hired an off-site DJ who was pretty awesome.

A lot of the younger folks were passed out by then (no kidding!) – room 501 apparently was party central and a lot of folks really (and I mean really) let loose. It seemed us older folks made it to the dance floor and had a great time! Different people milled in and out and for me, just about all my pals made an appearance. Jill and I danced like crazy and well, (back to those drinks…) someone offered to buy us drinks and I figured, “ok, one for the dance floor would be fun!” And then a while later, another offer…which again, I took. I by no means got drunk though (they were not exactly ‘generous’ pours), just enough to have a good time and dance and all that. Sadly, both Christian and Todd didn’t come to the club portion of the night, but the rest of the gang was there mostly sitting among the tables drinking – it wasn’t too loud so you could talk and whatnot. We got back to our room around 1:45 a.m. – way earlier than some lecture/movie nights!!!!

On the way to the room, we ran into the staff who also seemed to enjoy the alcohol-ban being lifted ☺. Nonetheless, I had a chance to thank Craig for my experience directly and I was glad for that. While a lot of people struggled with some of his methods, overall, I didn’t. I connected with a lot of what he had to say and worked hard to integrate many of his words into my practice, my dialogue and hopefully (someday, in the future) my teaching.

It was a super fun day, and the feeling was really positive and happy. Still, I started to feel the disjointedness/fracturing of the group, which made me a little sad. For me, that last class on Thursday afternoon really felt like the climactic ending, already by Friday a few folks left, or just didn’t opt to participate, and it started to set it that whoa…it’s really over.

Some people really didn’t want it to end for various reasons, be it the monotony of home, uncertainty, or just really having fell in love with the experience. For me, I don’t want to imply that I am ambivalent about this experience ending; but that fact that it was a 9-week process was clear to me and having worked really hard to “be here now” when the time came for it to end, it made perfect sense to me. I miss my life, my family, my friends – and having Jill here was a really wonderful transition back to that life. So, after one more day here together, we head home on Sunday morning. By that evening, I’ll be in our little house, with my little old-lady cat who would come milling around the computer anytime Jill and I Skyped and she heard my voice; sleeping in my bed (!!!!) and getting up in the morning for a rockin’ amazing double-tall-soy-latte at Lighthouse. Amen to home!

Day 62: GRADUATION!!!!!!!!

2008-06-06T23:55:00.000-07:00

A much, much longer post will follow, but for now, enjoy pictures of the big day. It was great fun, a huge release/relief, and a scary stepping off point for the next stage - teaching!

Bonus: Get your "Love Your Camel" T-Shirt Here!

2008-06-05T22:44:00.000-07:00

Remember the cool "Love Your Camel" t-shirt I posted a week or two back? Just in case, here it is again. Now you can get one! Check it out! It's a super fun shirt, and there is an alternative for the boys.

http://www.loveyourcamel.com

Oh, and if you're here at teachering training, they'll deliver it to your room Friday or Saturday, check out the teacher training special listed. For the rest of all'y'all, they'll ship it!

Day 61: Last Days!

2008-06-05T21:15:00.000-07:00

I can't even begin to write the "oh my God it's over" post. Really. That'll take time. And you'll get it, not to worry. So instead, I'll just tell you about the last day.

First off, thought, how about that Rabbit!?!?!? I had no idea what I looked like in this posture and thought it was total shit. Well, how about that right there??? I went up for help with this one too, as it, along with the backbend, are ones I have worked hard to improve but wasn't 100% sure I was doing it right/well, etc.

Today started with morning class with Rajashree. It was really different from her teachings earlier in training, and honestly, a rougher class than any of us anticipated. It was good for me when it ended :) Jill too, for that matter. We all went to the salt water pool and took a dip before lunch.

After lunch, we had a slew of announcements wrapping things up, and then Bikram did posture clinic (from Half Tortoise to the end). As noted, I went up for Rabbit as I struggle with my hyper-ended elbows, but turns out, he said my posture was "excellent" and that I was "very flexible." He also asked about my (plastic surgery) scars and then went on to say that super flexible people are very prone to being overweight. He said, "you just have to eat a little and exercise 2x/day." Awesome.

Our final yoga class was wonderful. Bikram taught a upbeat, 85-minute class to the letter. It was super energized and we were all focused, and happy, and excited, and in the moment. He stopped for just two demos and a little song interlude but otherwise it was a rockin' good Bikram Yoga class. I was next to Todd, and we had a good time together. People were a little more relaxed with a bit of talking and photos and whatnot. Jill took class (her second double this week! and her 7th class in 5 days!!! what a girl I have!) and enjoyed it, too. We were all a little shell-shocked when it was over - it's just crazy to think we don't have to do two-a-day forever. And good to think that too. My body is about done with all this.

We jumped in the ocean after class with a slew of others before heading to dinner at 100% natural, where they were slow, so Jill and Jennifer's husband Dennis ended up bringing our food to us at the lecture hall. It was funny and fine, everyone got to eat and life went on. We were just all so happy about being done we really didn't care about the restaurant service being crap today.

Finally, our last 'evolution' of training was Bikram's Shitali Breathing lecture. I found it really enjoyable and the breathing exercise itself - it is a cooling breath - was crazy for me. He made us promise to never to it more than 10 minutes for the first 6 months, and after experiencing it, I see why. I felt like my head left my body! I couldn't feel anything above my neck. Weird and cool. No pun intended. Well, maybe a little. Anyhow, it was a nice ending.

Tomorrow is graduation! Enjoy the copious photos of today, I couldn't resist, you know, it's just that sort of day in your life - a big one.

Last Day in Pictures:
Class #93, rougher than expected with Rajashree; Pre-lecture announcements with Rowena, Julia & Craig; Christian & I at our last daytime lecture; Posture clinic with Bikram; Pix from the final yoga class - the 4 of us who hung out for most of the training - me, Christian, Todd & Jennifer (funny how we met them at orientation and just happened to be in line in front of them to get in the door - Todd had a Lebowski shirt on that I recognized...); me with Marshall & Leah, two group 14'ers I was especially close to; me and Luke(alicious!); Tara, me and Niki, two of my favorite Canadians!; of course, Christian & I pre-last-class; during class photos - I practiced next to Todd which was perfect! After shots of class #94 with Todd, Christian, and Jill. Bikram's final lecture on Shitali Breathing, and me and Boss!

Day 60: Almost there!

2008-06-04T23:28:00.000-07:00

The mood here is kinda interesting. It’s a mix of anxiety – anxious to go home, anxious that it’s going to end, and anxious about “what’s next?” for a lot of people here. It reminds me of the keyed-up energy of Weeks 6 & 7 – but with a more positive vibe. Everyone is excited at the same time – I know I am – to actually graduate and be lucky enough to go and give this yoga to others!

I’m not going to write too much as I want to keep my time here at the end to really experience it, but also I want to capture what’s been happening so I can look back and remember! Anyhow, the run-down of Wednesday…

We started with a brutally hot Jim class (he’s back from San Diego) that ran a little long but felt like an eon. I practiced near Christian for the first time since Day 2! It’s so funny, we just liked different parts of the room at first, and then ended up on different lines due to groups. He had a rough time and I was glad to be near him to give him a squeeze now and then to let him know it was going to be ok. I myself felt like I was just flopping through postures, it was insanely hot and the energy in the room was just…spent. In the end, we all lived of course, but a bit worse for the wear. And we thought they were gonna let us coast....oy!

Lunch was fun and followed by the advanced class demo! It looked hard as hell and was fun to watch (as opposed to doing it). Bikram and Emmy and most of the staff participated. Some postures were phenomenal! Seeing 82-year-old Emmy bang out some of these moves was insane and inspiring all at once. Bikram of course, was a kick in the pants, helping people, doing postures and just offering his own special breed of commentary. We then had a little talk from the new management company about the franchising agreement that was signed in early May, and what that means in terms of the "business" going forward, including opening your own studio and what that will look like.

Afternoon class was our final Craig class. It was amazing – that man has a gift. It was one of my best classes of my life I’d say – I did my deepest backbend, I held the 2nd part of Awkward about 45 seconds (!!!!) – there was a contest, the winner held it for 3:28 and got to go up and teach the second set (breathlessly). It was good fun. Craig was inspiring and humble. I was next to Marshall, who was celebrating his 28th birthday, and it was a nice class for most of us. We headed to dinner for his birthday afterwards.

Our final evolution of the day was posture clinic with Bikram which was ended mercifully at 11 p.m. We went through up to Fixed Firm, and will finish tomorrow. I am loving this part and these lectures a lot! It’s a happy fun time. ☺ Tomorrow is it. The last day. It is hard to imagine actually teaching a class – and hard to believe I did this. I’ll do plenty more reflecting for y’all soon. But for now, wish me luck on my LAST DAY!!!!!!!!

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Pix: A much skinner version of both me and Christian above; Marshall, Sukh & Leah, 14'ers and friends; Class #91; Advanced demo; new Mgmt. company lecture; Class #92 with Jill; and postures with Bikram.

Day 59: Reflecting Begins

2008-06-03T23:50:00.000-07:00

It’s not over until the fat lady sings. Or, perhaps, until the small Indian man sings. But wait, he sings all the time, so let’s just say it’s not over ‘til it’s over. Still, I can’t help but find myself reflecting a bit while I wander about these last few days in paradise. Don’t get excited though, I don’t have the time to write my reflections here and now – and then what would I have to write for you all over the next few weeks??

Wow. Tuesday done. Only two days left…4 yoga classes to go..two (potentially) sleepless nights…just a couple more buffets. It’s hard to believe! Ok, getting on with what we did today…

Morning class was with Emmy, and unlike yesterday’s 2-hour class, it was only about 15 minutes over. It was good, but we were all beat from getting to bed around 3 a.m. Monday night. I have to admit, some of my phenomenally deep-feeling savasanas may have actually been, well, sleep. Good class though, or, good enough for this point in the game.

After a nice breakfast-for-two at the buffet with Jill, afternoon lecture was around the postures again and we got up to Triangle. I am loving this part so much! If ever I come back to training, I will aim for the final week. I think this is a talk anyone would get a lot out of every time. Bikram showed a perfect triangle using a towel (see photo of Luke), and he helped a lot of people who struggle with their triangle. It was a nice afternoon!

Afternoon practice was a flawless Jason Winn class. Wow. What a class! It was just perfect and good and I was in love with yoga during it. This is a feeling we’re not exactly basking in a lot these days…so it was nice. Christian reported having a stunning class as well, and Jill loved it too.

At this point, it’s the “we’ve broken you down and now we’re building you up” time. Most agree the room isn’t quite so debilitatingly hot at this point, still it’s humid as all get out, but the heat isn’t killer. The lectures are nice and start a little later and they actually give us breaks again! It’s like being back in Week 1 and 2.

…except for the fact that my body is about done with all this. My low back feels like someone welded it into one hard, tight mass. My neck and shoulders, a favorite place to hold tension, is also rock solid (and not in a good way). Everything else is holding up just fine, but truth be told, I’m pooped in many ways. Oh, and my body also graced me with my third period in nine weeks! How about that?! So many report not having had one at all while here – apparently, I’m takin’ it for the team. Wee-haw.

Jill and I snagged a cabana and had a picnic dinner looking at the ocean. It was perfect and lovely! We have snacky meals at home a lot, and it was fun to just do 'our thing' together - we made cranberry tuna salad, had nuts, cheese, crackers, chocolate and chips. It was a nice relaxing way to spend time together, eat and just continue re-connecting after being apart for so long :)

Evening brought another batch of postures, up through Toe Stand. Then Bikram didn’t have the videos he had hoped to show us, got a little perturbed and just sent us to bed at the civilized hour of 12:15 a.m.! How exciting! Also, they told us today about festivities for Friday’s graduation! We graduate at 11 a.m. – 2 p.m., then a nice celebratory buffet, bonfire at 7 p.m. and then we rented out the club/disco here at the hotel and are having an outside DJ come starting at 10 p.m. Oh, and there will be booze. Amen.

Class #88; Posture Clinic with Bikram; Class #89; Dinner on the beach with Jilly; Evening lecture.

Bonus Post: Backbending with Bikram!

2008-06-03T18:44:00.000-07:00

As mentioned yesterday, I went up and had Bikram help me with my backbend. Christian kindly took photos for me - again, yes, I know the knees are bending but it was interesting to see my flexibility capability (my deepest backbend ever to my knowledge), and of course, to get help from the Boss himself!

Day 58: The "Lasts" Really Begin

2008-06-02T23:42:00.000-07:00

Whoa.

The last Monday. The last this, the last that. You can't help but feel this way! Craig spoke today about graduation, how the day will work, etc. and the reality really started to kick in that we are really almost done.

Now, in the yoga room, I don't think there is better news to be had. I can speak for myself when I say...I'm about sick of yoga. I mean, let me explain. I love the yoga! You all know this. I know this. But passing up the 90 class mark (with my weekend bonus classes) it's just sometimes feeling a little tedious. Usually this feeling is most apparent while waiting for class to start - once I get past half moon I'm good to go. But it feels like the end of a long race...you're rounding the bend and your body is finished but your mind has to will it forward. So, I'm spending a lot of time willing myself forward!

Jill joined me for BOTH classes today - her first ever double! And, what a double: Emmy in the morning (she's back!) and Bikram in the afternoon. She did great - I was so proud of her not to mention just delighted to have her in the room, sharing the experience. Of course it also warms my heart that she does "the yoga" and likes it enough to dedicate to it (she'll tell you, "I don't love it, but I like how it makes me feel).

The morning class was wicked low-energy; Emmy none-to-pleased with our perceived lack of progress since she left in Week 2 didn't help. Of course, in our defense...it was Monday morning of Week 9...not exactly a class I'd have laid money on for energetic :) At one point during a long set-up for Triangle, I counted 15 people in my view who were sitting down - I was only in row 5! Plus, a handful behind me were down. That said, I had a tremendous-feeling floor series! It's been rough on the floor in the mornings for me, so having such a good one felt great.

Afternoon class was great, a nice, high-energy, good-mood Bikram class. He of course was himself and said some crazy funny things so Jill got a good taste of him for her first time in his class. I had a really nice practice. Lately my 2nd part of Awkward, my Triangle, Standing Head to Knee and Toe stand have been my focus. Big news!

1) I held the 2nd part of awkward both sets without falling out
2) Strong triangles
3) I PUT MY FOREHEAD TO MY KNEE on one side, one set, but I DID IT for the 1st time ever!
4) I got BOTH hands up on my right side in Toe for many seconds, as opposed to a sort of clap at the end ;)

These things keep me going and make me excited.

Otherwise today, Bikram started his posture lectures. In the afternoon, he went through half moon, awkward and eagle. He asked for volunteers who had "bad ones" and I ran up for backbending because I want it to be better soooooo badly! So, in front of everyone, Bikram helped me achieve the deepest backbend I've ever seen (Christian has a photo I'll post as when I get it). At the end, my knees bent, but he said for demo purposes, that was ok, as it showed my flexibility and what I am capable of. It was super cool having help from him! I went up without hesitation and was really glad I did! In the evening, we got up through Standing Head to Knee. These talks are so amazing, he talks about how to teach beginners, what we should expect to see and how to help them. Very useful and interesting, and he's so engaged and excited about this part, it's really cool.

Jill took me out on a little date - we broke out of the compound and went to 100% Natural for dinner. It was really nice and I was excited for her to experience it since we all have loved it so much over the months we've been here. :)

The icing on the cake was our "break" at 11:30 p.m. before a compulsory film which was actually pretty fun: Om Shanti Om. Sadly, like many Indian films, it was quite long and I couldn't stay up for the whole thing (I got to bed by 2:50 a.m.), but watched some. I went back during the break and put Jill to bed - it's been so nice having her here. It's almost like a transition back to 'real life' having her here this week - just getting me used to the idea of leaving this incredible experience by reminding me how wonderful and rich my life is at home!

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Jill does a double! Morning class #86; lecture shots; the film guy; advice from 100% natural (click to enlarge & read!); class #87!

Day 57: Lazy-ish Sunday

2008-06-01T18:51:00.000-07:00

Today was so nice! Waking up with Jill was surreal, at first when I woke I was utterly confused and forget where I was for a minute. Isn't that funny when that happens? Anyhow, we did end up at 11 a.m. yoga for a nice, chill (so to speak) class - it was only 98 degrees and Tim, the Aussie who's been here volunteering for like 6 weeks, taught a fantastic Sunday class. Jill cruised through with flying colors and said after final breathing, "Honey, that was the coldest Bikram class I've ever taken!" I assured her we'd make up for it tomorrow, no problem.

We then spent the day by the pool, ordered lunch, I worked on dialogue and Jill read her book, got some sun, etc. Then tonight was my group #14 dinner! It was really fun, we kept it easy and close by and all but 1 person showed up (we missed you Joshua!). I read my little piece I wrote for the talent show, and Roy told us a nice story about how grateful he was to us. It was also fun to eat Italian food! Basil is something I haven't had in ages!

Well, it's the last week folks. Can you believe it!?!? I can't. I am going to be so sad to have this experience end, but also I'm super excited to get back to real life. Last week, Bikram talked about the new franchise program that is now the only way you can open a studio. It has some good and bad to it, but makes the prospect of someday opening a studio look a little different than my vision. I trust the right thing will happen for me! In the meantime, of course, my job is to become a rockin' good teacher...and to that end, I'm going to be teaching a "mock" class on Thursday, June 12th at Noon at Hot Yoga of Laurelhurst! If you are in Seattle and would like to come, let me know! Saiko is coordinating it for me and will be there to offer me feedback after. I'm terrified and excited! Otherwise, I'll be working to get some classes as soon as possible in June and will keep you all posted....

Finally, I just wanted to say I will be keeping up with the blog for a little while after training. I plan to give an updated packing list based on what actually was useful, what I didn't have that I wished I had; and all that. Plus, I think over the first few weeks the reflections on this experience will be interesting to capture and of course, I'll talk a bit about how the teaching is going! So, please stay with me! :)
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Jill & I after class #1 (here at training, anyhow, she has done plenty of Bikram before!), and me after my 90th!!!; By the pool, and (the one looks all Charlie's Angels, eh?) shots of Group #14 dinner out!

Day 56: Final Saturday - and it's Jilly-time! :)

2008-05-31T23:43:00.000-07:00

Today we had 8 a.m. class with Jason Winn, uber-up-there yogi in the Bikram community, he teaches advanced series seminars, as well as does talks, week-long seminars in Costa Rica and comes here to teacher training. Class was just fine, he’s a great teacher. I wondered if he did anything special since we are teachers-to-be, according to Todd, who has taken his class plenty in Laguna Beach, said it was pretty much his ‘normal’ class.

I had a crazy burst of mega-anger after finishing my second Camel. It was really intense, and I cried through both Rabbits and stretching, but I was ok with it. The last couple days have been a little rough on me for various reasons and I'm a little bummed I've let things steal my peace. That said, it is also a lesson to reiterate to yourself your intentions, know they aren't bad, and then stick to your guns. I've always struggled with this concept - as many of us do - worrying about what others think of us. And though I've come long and far, I still feel this is a battle one never quite wins - or at least I don't. So, we'll just keep it on the "in-progress" list and carry on. Observe it, don't judge, and let the emotion come...and then let it go.

Just before Jill was to arrive, I got myself a fab haircut from Ren, the senior teacher who works at headquaters and taught us earlier in the week. Downstairs, I waited for just a few minutes and then my girl was here! It was surreal, seeing her jump out of the shuttle and be here, in this place, somewhat out of context. Funny though, we've kept pretty well connected and in a lot of ways, she's been here with me/for me all along. Of course, having her here in real life rules.

I moved out of my room with Christian into a new room with Jill, which is a corner room with a giant balcony and a view of the golf course (and a peek-a-boo ocean view). It's really lovely, and we settled into it nicely before heading for a walk around the 'compound,' lunch and poolside relaxation. It was just so cool to look over and see her, right there, with me! I can't quite get out how happy this makes me :)

Christian and I did great as roommates. Honestly, one cranky moment after a particularly shit class was as bad as it got in 8 weeks and the rest of the time it was just about helping each other get through and we did it for each other really well! It appears we'll still be friends when we get home too, though I think I need to confirm that with him :)

Dinner was in the downtown yet-unexplored area with Christian, Morgan (Jill's enjoyed her blog a lot), Jennifer & Todd. We had a nice dinner by the water with a lovely view. After, we headed to the mall for a quick visit, and then headed back 'home' hitting they hay around 11 p.m. The room next door to us apparently had an early riser as its last inhabitant as the alarm went off at 5:30 a.m. - good times. I called the front desk and it was taken care of fairly quickly. Oy.

Not too much else to report, poor Jill is having to meet everyone under the sun and try to remember who and what and where and all that about them, so we have little reviews or I remind her of references I've made and it all comes clear. There are a lot of people here I realize! Anyhow, we're headed off to class in the morning at 11 a.m., or that's the plan, anyhow...

Today's Pix: Above, me and Jill! Class #85 (no, I'm not giving birth...)! Ren & my hair; a 'found object' Viva Mexico! and a blurry group dinner photo taken by the waiter.

Day 55: The Last Friday

2008-05-30T21:33:00.000-07:00

Wow. So today was our last Friday of training. Bikram's daughter graduates high school next Saturday, so our graduation was moved up to Friday morning (we knew this before we came, but for me, it was after my plane ticket purchase).

Anyhow, a few thoughts for this Friday:

1) Food Choices Have Gone Down Hill... As of around Week 5, snacks in Posture Clinics went from raisins and nuts to chips and chocolate. Same at the buffet - plates of salad or stir fry/rice have been replaced with piles of pancakes with whipped cream and apples cooked in syrup. Yep, we are getting close.

2) Hook-Up Central, Here. Now that everyone is done with dialogue, seems that things are steaming up here at yoga camp. Couples are forming, roommates disappearing, people telling me how the poolside chairs aren't working out so great. :) It seems people are also figuring it's now or never. So, for many, it seems to be....now.

3) Today was the last Friday! Wow. I just needed to say that again. Next week Bikram will be lecturing pretty much all week, going through the postures with specific information on each one. Also, we'll get a demo of the advanced series which will be super cool! It's our last weekend with the whole group still here. Jill arrives in the morning!!! She'll get to meet a lot of people, and then next weekend we'll be able to spend time 1:1.

4) Demo for Graduation: People were selected to do the regular series demo, worked out to be 26 people. Needless to say, they didn't hunt me down to be a part of it ;)

Classes were ok today. This morning was powerful and a good class; this afternoon - not so much. I felt really defeated and disillusioned and ended up having a great practice. Sometimes, it's funny how engaged you are in just doing the yoga when you feel beaten down.

Craig talked about pitfalls of teaching, and Bikram talked in the afternoon. Tonight was the Talent Show, which sadly, I was not able to participate in due to the content of my piece. :( I'll post it here after training is over! I am going to read it for my group dinner on Sunday night.

That's all for now! I am super excited that Jill gets here shortly after yoga tomorrow morning, which Jason Winn is rumored to be teaching...should be fun!

Class #83; Bikram lecturing; Class #84; Talent show pix!

Day 54: So close!

2008-05-29T23:28:00.000-07:00

Oh my! I forgot to write yesterday about a big big thing!!! After finishing postures in posture clinics, a new ‘evolution’ was introduced: Mock Class. In it, we assemble similar to a regular posture clinic, but now had to do 3 postures together, both sides, in a row! I went, and got assigned Half Moon, Awkward & Eagle! And, I did it! I would say dialogue was between 65% and (in Eagle) 90%! So, considering I hadn’t looked at them since Week 3 or whatever, other than a read-through here and there, I was pleased. And I was more confident than I ever had been in any posture clinic, and felt really good that I got everyone in and out, used dialogue (if not all of it, it was dialogue!), and nobody got hurt! I think the best part is I walked away feeling like “oh, ok, I can do this!” and before this, I didn’t have that knowledge or confidence. I have a long way to go…but I’m super excited now.

And, for the first time, I got more than a little miffed at the rules. Well, that’s a fib – I have been plenty miffed – but this was the first injustice that really set me off inside! We were told everyone had to do the postures for the Mock Class – do you get me? That means yoga in the morning at 8:30-10:00 a.m., then yoga from 2:00-4:15p.m. in a cold room, then yoga again (with Bikram) from 5:00 – 6:30. It just made me feel super anxious, about today especially. But while I did choose to vent a little, I minimized my reaction to the best of my ability – and I’m glad, because it ended up being no big deal. (A good lesson in minimizing reaction.) Today, in the mock class, we ended up doing almost an entire class worth of yoga (one set), but I lived. And it was for our fellow group members, and it was the right thing. And you know what else? 5:00 class was just fine to boot.

After we finished, Luke, one of the senior staffers, talked to us for a while about the end of training, and the importance of staying with it. He talked about how he has a pattern of not finishing things, which resonated with me bigtime! Things like art, projects, books – I struggle. And this is something; he encouraged us to consider to finish with vigor. He also talked about not making fun of teaching, or the yoga, as a way to distance ourselves from feelings, and hide behind humor in order to push away what could be great growth opportunities. He said, “Open yourself up to that discomfort and explore a new place.”

He also spoke about how when you practice you open up an energy conduit with each posture that grows and grows and when you lose your intent and focus, you drop the energy down and narrow that conduit, and if it continues in that vein by the time you get to savasana you’ve got nothing left. Comparing this to the training, we’re in the home stretch, and I’ve worked this hard and this long to keep the energy growing and I am committing to working hard to not letting it come down now, at this point in the game! The last point he made that I really liked was this: Bhakti Yoga (service) is about surrender, submitting and understanding those things allows you to know the big “S” – self.

Later he spoke to the whole group and told us how he had been a drug addict, and Bikram Yoga is where is spent detoxing and stopped using. It was - like so many stories here - very inspirational.

Bikram talked about the mind and its 5 parts - Faith, Self-Control (Morality), Will-Power, Concentration and Patience. He said how no one comes to the Earth with all five in perfect order, and we all have some in a better state than others - so we are to work on those that are not full realized. He was very engaged in this take, and it was very compassionate and interesting. Next up is the Body - and its three parts (are you ready...): Strength, Flexibility and Balance. Same thing applies - no one shows up with all 3! That's for damn sure :)

Above: My garden spot; Me and pal/fellow #14'er Marshall - class #81; instructor Luke; Class #82; and Bikram's lecture.

Day 53: Hump Day!

2008-05-28T23:56:00.000-07:00

This morning Christian, teacher from Vancouver, taught class. He is a super cool guy and slightly unlike the other staff members in that he hangs out with students and connects with us moreso than the other staff, who tend to have a clear boundary around social or personal interactions with all of us. Anyhow, Christian was the last of the staff to teach us and did so this morning. It was a really good class, and he brought a genuineness to the table that was really lovely.

I had him for posture clinic the other day and he told us how he ended up at his first Bikram class. This girl he’d been dating kept bugging him to go and then finally gave up. One day he was dropping her off for her daily practice, when they were fighting and she got out of the car and said, “You know, I wish you’d just come. It would change your life.” He said he angrily pulled into the first parking spot he could and stormed in saying, “well, I could do with a f*cking life change!!” and went to class. At the time he was really built and struggled, like a lot of big men, with the beginning postures. He stormed out of the room and left at Eagle. (For those who don’t do Birkam. That’s about 20 minutes into the 90-minute class).

A week later, he went back – to an early morning, low-attendance class. He bought a monthly pass. Then, he sold his mother’s piano, for which he got in trouble, and got a yearly pass. He opened a studio with one of his teachers and worked there in a non-teaching capacity until he got through training, and then went on to open 3 studios in Vancouver, BC. He now owns one and plans to do and teach this yoga for the rest of his life. Here’s a little bit more about him, he shared this with me:

http://www.5mindocs.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=46&Itemid=53

On a totally separate note, today when I got dressed the bathroom door was closed and I could see my back in the mirror on it – holy shit people! I have definition! I couldn’t get over myself, and started to do an array of tough-girl moves to show off my back muscles…to myself. I have lost about 3” around my shoulders/upper back, and I knew I looked skinnier/more defined in the front, but for some reason, it didn’t occur to me that the same would apply to my back. Super cool, eh?

Another little tidbit – I think as of today, I can say the runs/intestinal distress is 100% back to normal. Phew! It really wasn’t that brutal at all, but was something else to think about, so I’m glad that’s done with. Funny thing though – I did the Pedialytes each class to help with electrolytes and water retention. Well, I noticed late last week and so far this week, I’ve been wickedly craving sugar, and even caving in to a few M&Ms, or a bite of something sweet, at posture clinic or evening lecture. Seriously, until mid-last week, my “no sugar during the week” rule was gospel. I realized that damn sugar in the Pedialyte was kicking off my day with a sugar high of sorts – so no more of those unless I really need’em. Eek, just what I need, to rekindle my sugar addiction right before going home!

Afternoon class with Bikram was good actually. He said, “I try to kill you guys and you don’t let me.” And went on to really compliment us saying our concentration was amazing, that we’re improving like mad. It is always nice to get good feedback! At the end of class, I was lying in savasana and I had my pal Marshall on one side, and Doug on the other. Separately at different times, each of them reached over and just gave my hand a nice little squeeze. It really warmed my heart, and illustrates how incredibly compassionate and sweet this bunch is. It was such a nice way to end class!

Finally, lecture. Bikram talked about the importance of the spine and more about the body in general. Then, he was about to let us go early at 11:15 so he could eat, and then said he wanted to watch a movie and didn’t want to be lonely – so we had to stay to see the new Al Pacino 88 Minutes – a bootleg of the one that is in theatres now. It was actually a nice brain break from yoga, however the shitty copy he had froze up at the ending, climactic scene! Now that was disappointing. Fortunately a few people had gone to see it last weekend and told us what happened (which was er…predictable). Bedtime was 2 a.m.!

Pix:
Christian; Class #79 and Class #80!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bikram off to eat before movie time.

Day 52: A little fun in the mix!

2008-05-27T23:58:00.000-07:00

Morning class with Ren was really great. He’s a rather high-energy yogi who works at headquarters. We all expected him to be a bit zany, but his energy was perfect for a morning class. I was in a way better row today and had some air flow, which helped!

Afternoon class was good too – an Indian man who has studios in Belgium and Germany taught. Bikram took class, which is always hilarious. First though, the air is always cranked up and it seems the heat is a little more forgiving. He always has a huge “support team” of his friends and staff around him, and he mumbles a lot (loudly) and directs the teacher. Today he complained the savasanas were too short; which is the most ironic thing ever since his 2-minute savasana in the middle rarely hits the 30-second mark! He complained to the point that he started counting out the 20-seconds loudly.

Anyhow, when he gets tired, he starts going around to “help” people. Today he picked up a girl in her full locust pose – she held it, and when he was done, he kinda….threw her down. I don’t think he realized how far off the ground she was. Ouch! My pal Marshall was next to me and couldn’t stop his disbelieving-laughter. The next one was a woman in her floor bow, she too held it, but he gently set her down. At the end, they played “Yoga is Life” song that was a mix of Indian music and techno. Techno Savasana. Hm. And Bikram likes the music uber-loud at the end…it was….something!

Otherwise today, we had the whole group get together for the presentations of the final posture, Spine Twist, by one representative of each group – the rest of the group acted as the “class.” We chose Roy, who could barely speak in the beginning and has come soooooo far! He did an amazing job and has been an inspiration to us all. Lots of us, especially Marshall, helped him over the weekend to be sure he was ready. A lot of people had fun with it, and the whole session was really a kick in the pants. Still, we hoped for a little break between that and class – but no. Off to posture clinic…sigh.

However, today we switched gear to doing mock classes! Now we do 3 postures, both sides, as if we were teaching. They randomly choose the person delivering, and randomly choose the postures you give. I was with Christian’s group – he got chosen! So I ran up there to demonstrate for him. He did the spine strengthening series. Though he himself admitted, “A dialogue review is happening this weekend,” he was quite witty and confident and got us through nicely. Overall the whole posture clinic was super fun and I feel way less scared about my name being called. Really, the whole afternoon appeared to be one in which we were actually “allowed” to have fun, smile and be goofy. Nice change for us!

Bikram talked again tonight. We took bets on when he’d show up, and when he’d let us go, and if there would be a movie. Christian won all 3! Arrival was 9:15, release was around 12:05, and no movie. Phew!

Day 51: Monday, Monday....

2008-05-26T23:41:00.000-07:00

It's getting close to graduation - today we had to fill out how many guest we were going to have so they can prepare! However, things 'round here are getting a little more serious in terms of decisions around who gets to graduate. Scary prospect that after going through all this, it's 100% Bikram's discretion whether or not you get the certificate.

One night last week, we had to sign out after a late-night Bikram lecture as the number of people signed in did not correlate to the number of butts in seats. Turned out 6 people had signed in and left. A lot of us were really kinda miffed, because we are all doing this thing that is hard in a fair and honest way; in this case, at 12:30 a.m. we had to stand in a line of 275 people to sign out. Lame. There was no formal punishment it turned out, but they are all now being watched like hawks. No one will try that again.

Another phenomenon that took hold last week was the "mosh pit" in the yoga room in front of the podium. To graduate, you have to have a strong practice, so anyone who has been struggling with their postures in a significant way, or with their stamina, (or who have a bad attitude...) have been put up there "until further notice". There is some good in it: Bikram has the podium air conditioned so apparently there is nice air flow!

Those stuggling with dialogue were put onto the proverbial "short bus" and made to do a posture in front of Bikram. He gave feedback, and each was told their graduation was on the chopping block. They won't know if they are going to graduate until closer to the actual date. Mmmm. Uncertainty! What a fun addition to an already tenuous environment. Needless to say, we all feel for those in these groups. If you don't graduate here, apparently a certificate will just show up in the mail in 6 months time. That would suck.

Luckily I am not in any of the aforementioned groups. And, honestly, many (most) of who are acknowledge their need to be. So that part makes it better, still, there are a few people who are like "what the hell?? I don't get it...."

My piece for the talent show got approved!!!!!! I had to make a very, very few edits which I am totally ok with. I did a rehearsal of it for the other participants of the talent show and it went over well, so my fears of being lame are abetted - though, I still may end up looking like a bit of an ass, but that's always a risk when you put yourself out there!

Today's morning class was better for me than the afternoon. I was in the dreaded "up front" rows 1-3 and though I did ok, it was no picnic. Just tried to stay in the moment and be glad it was over. I was just noticing that my stomach wasn't sucked in during Pranayama when Birkram said, "You, Your fat stomach sticking out, it's supposed to be sucked in. What are you, pregnant?? I HATE LAZY PEOPLE." And then when on and on. You just let these things roll off you though, or else you'd feel bad all the time. I was struggling to catch my breath for some reason and just hadn't quite gotten my form together, and so I got it together and just moved on. Just the way it is sometimes!

Bikram talked tonight about the body, mind, and spirit connection. I was beat though, and admit to not getting a whole lot out of it since I was trying to keep awake. We got done early too at 11:45 or so! Exciting!

Pix: The roof of the yoga room above; Class #76 & #77; Bikram.

DAY 50!

2008-05-25T23:09:00.000-07:00

Holy shit. 50. of 64. Whoa. 19 yoga classes to go. 9 Full days, with one Saturday...who knew!

This week I took on a few of my patterns - which Christian helps me be aware of (clearly he's been feeling much better! :) in a supportive way. Last week, I gave up:

My lavender-scented washcloth (I was, during rough classes, wiping my face with it. Inappropriate!)
My Orange Tower of Shame - no more icy lime goodness for me.
Caffeine - largely in response to my, er, intestinal distress, I thought any dehydrating factor needed to go. I've never had an issue getting off caffeine, and this was (thankfully) no exception. No headaches, but I sure do like coffee, so I mostly just miss enjoying the taste. For now, decaf black tea with cream. That'll do.

And I added:

The Stairs! I've taken the stairs down to yoga a lot, but not until this week did I consistently start taking them UP. I am on Floor 7. But, though I'm not 100% committing to it every time, I'd say I'm at 90% of the time, which is fine. Never hurts to burn a few more calories and get a little more leg strength. I think back to the early weeks of this training and I would've died if you had suggested I take stairs! Now, it's really no biggie.

Eating overall is going good. I am still at about the same weight, but inches are down a little more - of course, not all are inches I want to lose. Most of it is upper body - 2.5 around my shoulders/upper chest; 2.0 around my (every shrinking) boobs (Jill said, "Um, I didn't sign up for that honey." ;) and 2" off my mid-chest. I've long since forsaken my 36C bra (I've been wearing a little cotton white bra around), and expect I'll be squarely into a 34B upon arriving home. Still no sugar during the week, though I have caved for a few M&M's when people have had them in posture clinics or at evening lecture. I definitely eat some sugar on the weekend, especially since I'm working this hard and I like it! I did change up my eating routine this week to address the runs; and had to add the Pedialyte (which is 100 calories and has glucose - but took away my afternoon peanut butter 1/2 sandwich in exchange to balance the calories). Again, (and I'm reminding myself of this too), the goal isn't losing weight, it's staying healthy and strong here! And that I have succeeded in so far!!

Like the class itself, it seems we really are on Spine Twisting Pose. At the end, ready to be done and hurry up so we can move on. The challenge in Week 8 will be staying present! I can already see and feel it now - I'm antsy, wanting to hurry up, fearing that somehow I've held on and I'm going to have some breakdown, and still being semi-excited at that prospect (I am warped, indeed). Focus. Focus. Focus.

Next Friday is the Talent Show! I wrote a little piece to read - it's my list of suggestions to help improve training ;) I'm sure it will be well-received by Craig, to whom it is directed. I got some good laughs, and will of course post the prose here once I've done it for the group. Maybe I'll post a video! We'll see....

Pix: Scotland taking a risk; Ah, Sunday by the pool!; My little vitamin packs; and me & Niki!

Day 49: What A Week (7)

2008-05-24T23:42:00.000-07:00

This past week was just crazy with intensity. Some good, some bad - but undeniable intensity! Though I didn't have any massive breakthroughs (and I'm not sure if I'm happy or sad about that, so I'll stay ambivalent for now), a few around me did, and I want to tell you about my experience of them in those moments. Just keep in mind it's not like this here every day! It was a week where a lot of stuff bubbled up for a lot of people.

One friend had a breakthrough class during Bikram's killer Thursday afternoon class (the hot one with no air circulating). It was the one where many people left, more than have in ages. In this case, she went to the back of the room because she felt herself getting light headed and needed Pedialyte, and Craig told her to go into the lobby, she said, "No Boss, No." He replied, "Don't you every disobey me again" and then gestured for her to sit down in the room, telling her to stay put there (in the room though) and not return to her mat. But, he walked away and another staff person told her she could (sneaky girl) and so she went back, and then really, really started to break down. Electrolytes off, emotional release, who knows, but she was blacking out, contracted in her hands and could barely walk when Craig had to go and scoop her off her mat at Bikram's direction.

When she went out, this time Craig telling her it was no longer up to her, she said she started to heave and sob in her chest. Craig sat with her and coached her through - told her "these are your demons, and you have to let them out. Run away and they will keep chasing you and you will have to keep running. Just let it go here and now while you're hot and sweaty and ready." She said the noises were something she had never heard out of herself - not a cry, not a wail - more guttural and unlike anything she'd experienced before. When she started to 'sober up' Craig saw it, and told her "No, don't think. Don't push this away. This is it!" She continued to let it come out, and felt an enormous emotional release; and she was not sure of and not even needing to put a label on it or understand it afterwards, which I found super impressive. To me, honestly, she looked like a different person and I was really excited for her; and the story made me love this particular aspect of Craig more than I did before.

Another one was a girl who had an amazing class on Thursday - the same (horrible for many) class referenced above - she said "Afterwards, I was vibrating!" Since I too had had a good class amongst many who didn't, she and I had talked about our experiences. Then on Friday morning, I practiced near her for Zeb's class (with Craig at our heels), and at the end, Zeb played a song ("Hooked on a Feeling") which made her start to cry. And then sob. And sob. She was ok, it was totally emotional but she did start to cramp up a little, though Pedialyte again saved the day. She later told me, "I don't know why, but that song made me think of all these things I've done wrong and question 'why did i do that!?' but at the same time I felt it all fly out of my chest, I felt free of it all!" And while we rubbed her cramped up hands and feet, she just kept smiling as big as anything and saying, "I feel so free. I feel so free!"

Big stuff. Especially when my only notable excitement this week is that my rash didn't spread.

I can't help but be amazed by these stories and others like them, especially when you actually bear witness to these turning points, these beautiful moments of growth - sometimes subtle, sometimes massive spurts. This is why I love this yoga. You don't have to come here and do this crazy thing to have life-changing impacts. But in this concentrated environment, it's pretty profound to watch and absorb the minutia of change and growth. Not everyone is guaranteed an overt moment like the ones I've described above - but whether it's big or small, we are all in some kind of motion here!

Class #75! Dinner out at Zibu, the "MexTai" place - it was Asian, which was exciting! Not exactly the Thai food I know and love, but gorgeous presentation and stunning atmosphere.

Day 48: Friday of Week 7!

2008-05-23T23:43:00.000-07:00

Friday. Oh thank God. We are all so....done. Already it's clear that it'll take some work and focused effort to really get it up for these last two weeks. That said, isn't it crazy to hear the words last two weeks!?!? How did that happen?!

Friday morning we got a big treat in that Zeb, one of my favorite staffers, finally taught a class. (He's on the blond one on the left of the microphone in the photo below). He has a stunning voice, and one night in posture clinic he had us stand up and directed us through a few Pranayama deep breaths, and I thought, "Oh man, I want to take his class!" It was worth the wait. Part of the excitement is that he just went through training last fall, and it gave us all hope and inspiration that one could be that good, that fast. I did great in the standing, but had less fun on the floor, which seems to be sucking the energy and life out of me lately. Still, somehow, I remembered to BREATHE and just focused on breathing and being here now - trying not to anticipate the next posture, or how long I had to go, or what I might eat for breakfast. It was a bit of a breakthrough, since often when I have yoga-brain I can't think. It's like I'm trapped in class and can't imagine how in the world I will get through and end up somewhere between antsy and panicked. In this case, I thought, "I could just do the yoga." And my mind responded, "Um, you already are doing that, genius, and how's that workin' out panicky fidgeting lady??" and then a little voice said, "Breathe."

They tell us this all the time. I know this. I tell people to do this. But when you are there, it's hard to actually remember what to do, and for me, on Day 48, I actually remembered at the right time! While I still struggled to a degree, it was way better than if I hadn't thought of that. Water consumption is still going well, I'm having a Pedialyte (yep, still intestinally distressed) throughout class, and 32oz. of cool, non-icy water.

Bonus: Just as class was starting, I heard the thunk of a teacher's mat going down behind me (I was in Row 12) and it was none other than Craig, practicing on my heels! It was good though, I may have worked a little bit harder but for a time forgot he was there. Perhaps we should all always practice like Craig is at the base of our mats??? (Though it may be a bit.....exhausting) :)

We went to posture clinic after some time in the lecture hall where Joel, master teacher, said his farewells. A good time was had by all (see video bonus post) and some pent up energy was unloaded which seemed to be a group need. I opted not to do my Spine Twist dialogue since I didn't feel wholly prepared, and just chilled out.

Afternoon class was with Bikram. It was decidedly cooler than yesterday's killer class, and he was tough but not too tough. He said it was our best class yet, because he set us up for it: Yesterday he killed us, and today, we work extra hard and have an amazing class. I did ok and only drank about 12 oz. of water. Proof again that it can be done, but I do admit it depends a lot on how hot it is and how well-hydrated I am. I think it's just one of those things that will ebb and flow for me, but I'm happy to have gotten off my orange jug, and thanks to advice from Zeb, and Mary Jarvis' comment, I was inspired (finally) to make it happen!

Friday night....Bikram wanted to show us another film. This one was not as good as Thursday night's, and I opted to just sleep. Christian & Todd went to the floor, opening up extra chairs for Jennifer & I to use. I got some good sleep, as well as just checked out for a bit. We were excused around 1:30 a.m., and of course had to be up for 8 a.m. class Saturday, but whatever...it is what it is!

Oh - one other thing that happened this week that was unexpected and interesting to some of us (annoying to others) was after one of the nighttime lectures, we had to sign OUT. Apparently, the lecture hall was fashioned with the exact number of chairs as there are students. Well, once lecture started, chairs were empty - implying people signed in, and then left. This of course is a "compromise of integrity" (a Craig-ism), and well, kinda cheating, no? So, the ever-reliable rumor-mill confirmed 6 people attempted this ploy. No one knows who, or what happened to them, but they didn't have to make us sign out again, that is for sure!

Pix: Above, another attempt at a full shot of Group #14, but again we were missing someone! Damn ! (Aurelie was not there); Classes #73 & 74; My view at lunch; Joel says goodbye with a Hare Krishna chant (Zeb is on the left, pal and fellow-14'er Luke is on the right); Three boys in tandem do their dialogue, it was a hoot - a dialogue Trio!

Bonus Post: A little movie

2008-05-23T13:14:00.000-07:00

Joel went up to say goodbye and someone asked him to do the Hare Krishna chant. It started out, he got up and danced a little. It was so fun to see him so happy and animated - then he invited people on the stage, and well, let's just say the group had a bit of energy! Excuse my poor cinematography skills exhibited here, and please don't think we're crazy...though that may be hard. :) You might especially enjoy seeing Joel & Craig doe-see-doe at the end! (I did).

Day 47: Intense Day!

2008-05-22T23:15:00.000-07:00

This morning’s 8:30 class was really quiet, focused…and good for me. I felt like a little rag doll in a dryer - I acquiesced to the (really good) teacher completely, and really let him run the show for the 85 (only!!!) minutes. I just felt very much at peace with being there. Which is a hard feeling to muster up around here – there isn’t a lot of peace around doing yoga right now. But it was just nice and quiet and pensive; and I had a good class physically too. I’ve taken to drinking a Pedialyte each class until my runs clear up, mmm, good. Actually, they aren’t that bad, and again, I forsaked (?) my orange jug, just took my coolish water in my Camel again. It definitely isn’t the water that is appealing I’m realizing – its’ the coldness of it. And that’s what I miss most is that coldness, because I’m not really that interested or excited (it turns out) in chugging water, but I am rather keen on lowering my temperature. I find I’m “rooting” more for ice/coldness than for water. Interesting! But it's going ok :)

On to posture clinic, whoa. Intensity! The other group we were with were all having rough days. Not in a bitchy or cranky way, just in a broken-down sort of way - rather they were just all feeling really exhausted, emotionally and physically. I rocked out my Rabbit, and still need to work on not sounding rehearsed (but, er, it is rehearsed at the moment) and then we were on to Separate Head to Knee with Stretching Pose! Can you believe that?! Shocking. Anyhow, I was completely ill-prepared, with my bout of not feeling so great, I opted for sleep last night over studying and paid for it. But, first, I have to tell you about this one proctor we had – she is from Zurich. She made one (large-chested girl) do very fast, fully expressed, jumping jacks for the whole posture to get some energy into it (it's a longer one, too). It was so interesting to watch. She started, then you could see her get tired, then angry, then started to cry, but she kept going. As soon as it was done, she had to do it again right away. And in the end, she was happy for the experience – it did make her a little more authoritative, firmer, and louder (she was “too sweet”).

SO then it was my turn. I said I had been sick and just wasn’t really prepared. For me, she said I just was still really stuck and needed to get more energy, so she had me SCREAM the whole posture. And scream I did. I even yelled at the top of my lungs, “Lock the mother f*cking knee.” After, I felt much better. And then I had to do the posture again right away, and it was actually better. And now that I have shown that side of myself, I’m wondering how well I will do the last posture. We’ll see. But I definitely feel less inhibited!

The intensity continued at the 5 p.m. Bikram-taught yoga class. Now, for me, the class was pretty great. I had a really nice practice, again, I missed my ice, but it’s getting easier and the water is less and less appealing. Anyhow, it was a hot one, and the intensity in the room is hard to capture in words. He was hard on us, but again, since I was having a good class, it didn’t feel egregious. Still, I haven’t seen so many people have to get up and leave the room in weeks – Christian estimated 20; I saw around 10. But what was interesting was how bad off the people who left were. They were in a catatonic yoga trance, or else unable to walk (in at least 5 cases, had to be nearly carried out). I don’t know what it was. It was just heavy energy in there. And, it was wicked hot - in fact, rumor had it they turned off the air circulation. I wonder, because we haven't seen yoga carnage like that for many, many weeks. But Bikram was just himself; and at the end, he played another track from his CD (oy) and then said this, “That was the best class you have done yet. I worked you so hard! And you were fantastic. You worked so hard. Good job!” And you know, that is just so cool – because he doesn’t have to say anything. But those kinds of things at the end make me come back for more. (Along with the sigh-in sheet, that makes me come back too. ☺)

Lecture brought us a surprise. Bikram talked for only 30 minutes about the importance of non-discrimination. It was short and sweet, and then he wanted us to watch a movie. A current, normal Indian film (Joodha Akbar) that basically dealt with the topic of religious discrimination. It was a lovely film, albeit long (ended at 1:15 a.m.), still, I was wise and had earplugs which made it a totally reasonable volume. I actually enjoyed it!
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Classes #71 & #72; Bikram with a footlong/movie food; and a shot from Joodha Akbar, which though loud, it was a pretty good film!

Day 46: What is God?

2008-05-21T23:33:00.000-07:00

I'm going to go backwards today. The day ended with a really nice lecture from Bikram on "What is God?" He was in a great mood, really compassionate and loving today. He just got back from his friend Bishu's funeral in India. Sadly, I had to spend a bit of time in the, ahem, toilet, due to having the runs, but I was there for the bulk of his talk. His main point was this: Don't ever hurt another soul. And, if you do, you will pay the consequences with interest. He told stories of a woman who stole $25K from him that was intended to build his first yoga school in 1973; within two months, both her only child and her husband died before their times. He said he pleaded with God, "that's enough! two lives for $25K??? that's enough!" - but it was her karma. Bikram's theme was the point that God is in you, and your soul - when you lie, cheat, steal or hurt another (or, even plan to whether or not you carry it out) you hurt your own soul. It knows.

This tied into a lot of the forgiveness I've worked on while I've been here. Which, btw, has been progressing nicely, thank you very much...but it makes me look back at my part in these transgressions. And, in some cases, I can see - I screwed up to the tune of let's say $25, and I paid for it with $2,500. It makes me realize that in many ways, the people involved in these things are irrelevant - it's more about our experience of paying up, if you will, for our own wrongs. And from that, hopefully we (I) learn not to do that again, period. Whatever it is - whatever wrongs one does - you pay 100x or 1000x a price, and that lesson is burned in your mind. So, it was a really nice talk, and for me, it lifted another layer of forgiveness as well as adding a layer of self-responsibility (which I had in a sense, but not with this kind of awareness or clarity).

Bikram also taught a rockin', up-beat, happy 5 p.m. class. I was up front but evaded any notice. It was also my first class done with my butt cheeks clenched the whole time (again, the runs) - now that is fun! Everyone should try it! Talk about good times - imagine the joy I felt in Wind-Removing pose! ;) Really, I did fine. I would just be so pissed if I had to leave the room - at this point when I've come this far - ouch. But, perhaps that is my path. I'm just letting it be. In this case, I did not.

Oh! And, I reqlinquished my Tower of Shame, the orange water jug. Now, I respect Mary's advice on water, but doing this two times/day with the runs, now is not the time for no water class (I did do one earlier in training though! I know I can!). But, I just brought my Camel with 32 oz. of water, which I drank at appropriate times and finished at the end of class in the savasana. My neighbor did give me a handful of ice at the end which I added to the bottle. Note to self, Jenn: Don't use two whole limes in such a small container. By the end, it tasted like warm lime juice. Yums. Anyhow, great class!

The afternoon was posture clinic, we're well into Rabbit but since I wasn't feeling it, I just waited and will do it tomorrow. No biggie. I can't believe we'll be on Separate Leg with Stretching Pose tomorrow! It's really coming around. Crazy.

Morning class was good for a morning class. I can't complain but was glad when it was over (and, glad that I didn't have any issues). I still fear/get anxious about morning classes because they are harder for me than afternoon classes. In the morning during half moon, my arms are sooooo heavy, and at evening class, I almost feel like I don't have arms they are so light! It is what it is. Tomorrow is Thursday already! For as slow as Week 6 felt, Week 7 is flying by!

Pix: Classes #69 & 70!!!!!!!!; Check out that t-shirt, referenced in a comment on my blog, I sought out Jessica from Texas who was wearing it (how convenient!); Bikram.

Bonus Post: Check out this comment on Water

2008-05-21T05:31:00.001-07:00

Hello all. I'm honored that the infamous Mary Jarvis, a longtime Bikram teacher from San Francisco, is a reader of my blog! I've heard that she doesn't let any teachers drink water at all in her classes. She wrote me a great comment and I thought it was a good one to share here. I am off to class in an hour, and plan to really work to internalize her comments over the next few classes. I don't know if I'll ever get to a water-free practice, but for me, of her three reasons below, typically it's #2 and now I'm aware that it's #3 that are getting me. Read on, and thanks Mary for taking the time to write. I'll let the Dutch boys know you said hello (they are too sweet!).

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Hi Jenn
I have really enjoyed reading your teacher training blogs.Congrats on almost making it through teacher training.Life is about to happen for you.The Yoga community that has been created because of Bikram is most precious to me.All of us have friends from ALL over the world because of this yoga that we practice and teach.
Now about the water....I have been practicing with Bikram for 24 years...I drink water after class but I have never drank water in class.I do not allow my teachers to drink water in class when they practice OR when they teach.
People drink water for 3 reasons:
1)They are bored...they have no concentration,discipline or focus.
2)It is emotional...they think they are going to die or something like that!
3)Most important....They Do Not Know How To Breathe Correctly and In Great Relaxation.
Everybody fights me on this and I really do not care..It is not to make class hard.I never think a teacher should do that. Watch when people drink and drink and drink...they get weaker and weaker and more loopy in class.You put yourself in digestion the moment the water hits your stomach....takes a LOT of energy.
If I raced you to get oxygen and hydrogen and nitrogen into our bodies...you with water...me with air ...I have already won! I have already absorbed it into my body with one inhale before you ever picked up your water bottle!
Oxygen carries Prana,Chi,Life Force...it is all we need.
If you ever came to my school in San Francisco,you would see that the only people who have water bottles in the room are students visiting from other schools or first time people that brought in water because they read some where that they should.Nobody is dying...you just sit down for a moment on your knees and slow your breathing down if you are dizzy....A lot of the time dizzy happens not because of water or heat,but maybe crappy food or drink!
Hold still in the posture breathing normal(or less)...hold still NOT in the posture breathing normal(or less)...That is our yoga..that is all we need to do in class..Hand towels,water breaks,such a shame it exists in our yoga....it never used to when I first started.It has nothing to do with the yoga.
Tell the Dutch students I love them and cannot wait to see them in San Francisco after training.
Good for you Jenn...I think you have had a GREAT training and it is only going to get better for you when you land at your school to start teaching.Thank you for taking the time to share your training with us.
All thet best!
Mary E Jarvis,Global Yoga
San Francisco

Day 45: Am I falling apart?

2008-05-20T23:34:00.000-07:00

Oy. Today was a mix in many ways. First, the 8 a.m. class can only be described as pure, unadulterated HELL. I haven't had a class that miserable - not just me, but it seemed everyone around me - in a long time. It was so bloody hot, and we had another teacher who seemed unable to count to 10 and had us doing Pranayama deep breathing for - count'em - 16 full minutes. By the end of that I was soaked to the bone and my shoulders were on fire. They hurt so much I had to lower my arms in Awkward, and I don't think I've done that here since perhaps the first day or two. By the middle of Half Moon, I was wondering how on God's green earth I was going to finish this class. So, I set a goal to stay on my feet, not drink too much, and do every posture. Now, they were in some cases uber-lame renditions of the posture, but I did get it done. Miserable. Miserable. Miserable.

It happens though, and it is what it is. Thankfully it's not that often, as it seems to be this way when I'm in Row 1-3, where there is little air. Though everyone seemed to have a shit practice, so perhaps it was more than that. Ok, enough on that, as we learn here, there is no point at all in trying to understand these things!

When we left class this morning - IT WAS RAINING! We haven't had a non-sunny day since we arrived. Crazy! Everyone was delighted by the rain until we put together that the resort isn't really cut out for it. There were deep puddles on the walkways, but then they did lay down little runners on the marble floor through the lobby so we didn't slip. They also had umbrellas they were handing out for waiting in the lunch line. Anyhow, it was a cool departure, though now I'm terrified Jill will come and it will rain that whole week - but she assured me, "honey, I've got books....and naps....and more naps...." high-5 for my low-maintenance girlfriend!

Posture clinic in the afternoon was fine - I did well on my Half-Tortoise but did not do the Camel I'd hoped. Still it was fine. Then it was time for 5 p.m. class.
Some people who have a shit class in the morning scare themselves about the 5 p.m. class. yIt's hard after a rough class to recover their energy, and easy to feel stuck in a cycle or are anxious about it becoming a cycle. On the whole, I'm an afternoon girl, so often, I'm excited for another go at it in the afternoon! I love afternoon class at home, and find here that those are by far my better classes. In a way, going twice a day is brilliant! You never have to go very long after a "bad" class before you have the chance for a good one - and luckily, though it was ultra-steamy - I was around good, energetic peeps and had a great class. I limited my water but still struggled - found a couple very infantile-feeling moments where I literally wanted to cry because I wanted cold water so bad - but I promised myself and I stuck to it. It's weird how 'young' that place felt to me/feels to me. It's a metaphor for "you can't always get what you want" and well, who likes that concept? Non-attachment. Non-attachment. Non-attachment. Non-attachment. Working on it!

We had a little talk before evening posture clinic with master teacher/Hare Krishna Joel, from Philly. He spoke for a while about being determined and using your mind to decide what you want/don't want. He told a few stories relating to the Gita, and answered questions about postures.

In other news, I have a rash. And the runs. And let me tell you, if you wait until the middle of Week 7 to have your ailments, no one cares. No one sympathizes and no one is very supportive. They all just say, "oh, I had that rash 4 times already..." or "it's not that bad" or "did you try (xyz)???" Well, I'm here to say whenever you run into physical difficulties here, it sucks, but you do just carry on! I'm sure I'll be fine, but I'm annoyed by these afflictions if nothing else. How does one practice non-attachment to one's diarrhea, I ask??? ;)

pix: Rainy day, Class #67 (hot!); Class #68; Joel.

Day 44: Monday...

2008-05-19T23:36:00.000-07:00

Really, that is about all there is to say. Monday. Nothing riveting, nothing earth-shattering. Just a Monday. But I couldn't just post that, now could I?

Morning class was taught by a spunky, pregnant woman named Jessica from NYC. She was great - a lot of the visiting teachers just, well, blend together at this point. There are a couple that stood out as horrible, and a couple that have been noteworthy. Most are just good, solid, Bikram teachers. And that's fine. Afternoon class was another New Yorker, from Brooklyn, Claudia. She was good too. Both of them were tough and bossy, but in that oh-so-good-Bikram way. No complaints.

Today I was in Rows 9-12, the back of the room. I actually took the last row (12, for students, but there are 14 total) because there is a little air there. I found myself drinking a lot of water but not until late in the floor series. I have again been working on water intake. Zeb was next to me and gave me a little "psst!" once and I put it down. I talked to him afterwards and he suggested this: Choose when you will drink before class, up to 5 times but no more.

I thought this to be a great idea. I took it a step further in my mind: Make it like it's part of the posture, that is to say, you have no choice. You wouldn't bust out a Crow or something in a Bikram class, right? You wouldn't do a posture that didn't belong, right? So you wouldn't drink water unless it was part of the class. So I'm going to give it a whirl tomorrow. What's funny is I do have plenty of classes where I drink at the appropriate times:

Party Time (after Eagle, and yes, "Party Time" is part of the dialogue!)
Once either after Balancing Stick or before Triangle (Bikram offers this one up a lot)
At the Savasana
"Aqua-sana" (that's what they call it here in Mexico! I find this hilarious every time...) - after spine strengthening as you settle into Fixed Firm
And sometimes as we get into final stretching, after Rabbit.

That's 5, and that's acceptable and very often what I do. But I so profoundly disappoint myself when I drink too much water - particularly when I'm having a good class! What is that about!?!? It is a similar feeling to when I used to overeat - I'd feel totally full, but I'd be enjoying the food so much I'd just keep going and going. I feel like this with the water sometimes, and I realize it's a bigger metaphor for life. We all seek comfort, at times of distress of course - but I think for me, I do it when I'm feeling good too and that is (what Craig would call) a pattern, one that I serve vs. the pattern serving me. Again, it's not every class, but whenever I'm feeling down, sad, vulnerable, in pain physically or emotionally I realize I reach for my virtual jug of icy lime water goodness.

Obviously it's a bigger life topic that bears some pondering...but for now, I'm going to work on the iconic angle by trying to question the water and fight it when it's inappropriate. It's not always this way (have I said that enough??) but it reminds me in a way of dieting in the past - I'd do great for days and then blow it, feel terrible about myself, get back on the wagon, do great for days and then blow it, feel terrible...etc. It's a familiar feeling and not a good feeling. And no water is not an option either (i.e., nor was starving myself in the past) - nothing extreme really ever pans out in life, or so I've found. So, I'm going for balance, moderation, and mostly finding a pattern that serves me vs. one that I'm serving! Learning more here everyday....

Special to all you readers coming to Fall 2008 training: I will tell you one secret if you promise me on thing. START LEARNING YOUR DIALOGUE NOW. Now. I'm not kidding. Do not wait. Do one posture a week. Once you get a few into it, it will be much easier! You will still have to re-learn it here and be part of the crazy minutiae that is group dynamic, but you will be confident, get better feedback, be able to help ('start teaching') others, and frankly, stress less and sleep more. Ok, now that I know you've promised me, I will tell you this: Rows 6 & 7. They are the glorious rows. For the first class especially, get there early, go to Row 7, plop down directly underneath one of the air vents in the ceiling. Just do it. The first class is so rough, it's such a different environment. The vents save. Row 12 isn't bad either. Today I'm in rows 1-3, i.e., suffocation central. Oy.
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Pix: Classes #65 & #66; posture clinic, oh my! Joshua's half-tortoise, and the batch of proctors, including Craig who slinked in room unnoticed by yours truly.

Day 43: Sweet Sunday!

2008-05-18T20:07:00.000-07:00

Jenn goes to Sunday yoga...I don't know why exactly, but its such a nice class, on my terms. It's like a regular old class at home, and because they are having teacher recertification this weekend, they moved our class to 9 a.m. which is a way better time than the usual 11 a.m. offering (which is like right in the middle of the day). So, another bonus class for me! Though I only slept 5 hours due to the learn-Camel marathon in the lobby until 2 a.m., still, I had good energy in class and throughout today.

This weekend was so much about studying, hanging out with some different people and just listening to my iPod by the pool. I found myself restless too. I'm not sure why - I don't suppose I really need to know why. Perhaps it's the fact that tomorrow starts Week 7, and people are starting to talk about anxiety over this experience ending. "What will it be like once we all go home?" "It's so beautiful here, I don't want to leave..." "I guess we can't train forever, huh?" True. And I think it takes a while to get in the routine, and most people are in it now. Mine has changed a little week over week, but I got in a groove pretty early. And those who know me, know I like my groove(s). So yeah, perhaps some of my angst and antsiness this weekend were about "Week 7" feeling like, "wow, only two more Mondays after tomorrow, only two more Saturdays..." etc.

This weekend, I met cool chick who is here and has lost 115 pounds doing Bikram and dieting. She was super cool, had her before pictures with her (I should've done that, Jill even suggested it!) and looks amazing. She said, since being here, she's lost 25 pounds. Jenn turned green with jealously in that moment. Oy. 25??? 25??? And I'm smack dab the same? She said she's been eating about 1500 calories. Well, I've been at around 1750-2000, give or take, which is more, but should have yielded some result. A little bit about my metabolism, folks :( And while it bummed me out ("I just don't got to the buffet much and eat in my room." she said, which I thought, "Man, you are a better woman than me.") I realize that I didn't really come here to lose weight (it was a hope!) but rather to do yoga, to grow, and to become a fantastic yoga teacher (one day, eventually, in the future ;). So I let the green drain from my face, and was just happy for her, and happy for me too. My body has changed leaps and bounds, without question, and people tell me almost daily how much skinnier I look - so even though at times I can't see it, others do, so it's happening.

This past week was a good one. The group seems to be in good spirits. Overall, a lot of people have left - I've heard numbers like 20-30 since the inception, but I know of at least 1 last week. I can't imagine getting this far and having to go, but honestly, I can see where that might be one's path...this is rough, and breaking points come at different places for different people. One class recently, I stopped to see if a girl whom I'd talked to a few times was ok, she was sobbing in the fetal position on her mat. I knelt down, asked, and she knocked her water bottle out of the way and lunged up at me with open arms, sobbing on my shoulder for a good bit. Another girl came to help out too, and when it was over, the girl who had been upset said, "Well, that was expected."

That's the thing here, you just have to really realize that you don't know what you're going to get - any yoga class, any day, any week - and as with about everything I experience here, it's a metaphor for life. The practice of non-attachment to ideas, things, and expectations can really set you free. I think back to the nights Bikram was keeping us up until 2 or 4 a.m., and those who were super attached to their sleep really, really suffered. They just freaked out and it was because they really wanted, needed, and felt entitled to their sleep. As someone who isn't super attached to sleep (I always seem to get by...), I was like "Well, this sucks, but what can I do." While perhaps I suffered slightly, it was nothing compared to some people. And to look at it this way and think "In that situation, who won?" Well, Bikram did with a lot of people - he stole their peace. They let him. Not a criticism of people who enjoy sleep, I have friends who enjoy sleep. :) But rather to say, we all have these things we have to have, think we need, believe we deserve/are entitled to, and though I struggle with the notion of balance when it comes to this idea (it is fair, it seems to expect to sleep every night, right?) it also seems letting go really does produce a lightness, a freedom and a peace that may not be possible when one is gripping for dear life onto these things.

Pix: Me, above, after my bonus class (#67 for me personally, I have done 2 extras); and Marshall, a pal, with his poolside coconut!

Day 42: Saturday, finally...

2008-05-17T19:49:00.000-07:00

Happy Saturday! This is my short post/blog day-off :)

Pix for today, because that's all yer gettin'. I'm tired! Seriously, I had a great day! The rundown:

Yoga
Buffet
Pool, dialogue, the new Death Cab album
Mega, Gelato & Espresso with some 14'ers
Quick spa visit
Unexpected dinner at 100% natural with unexpected (fun!) peeps
Dialogue in the lobby (Camel!! I'm on Camel!) until 2 a.m., also unexpected but productive.

The amazing Pineapple dish at 100% Natural; Class #64; the (i-hope-never-eat-a-buffet-again-after-june-8) buffet; kid in a waterfall; me; gelato.

Day 41: How You Teach is a Reflection of Your Practice

2008-05-16T22:29:00.000-07:00

Last night, Joel (the older teacher/Hare Krishna dude) and Christian (a teacher/director from Vancouver, B.C. , not to be confused with Christian, my roommate and friend), said a couple of things that were worth pondering regarding dialogue.

First, let me just say in my opinion, and that of many others here...learning the dialogue is hard. You wouldn't think so, hearing it twice a day for that last 40 days, along with having done this yoga nearly daily for the past 6 months. But, having to know it in perfect order, verbatim, and deliver it with appropriate energy, voice inflection/variance, volume, body language...shall I go on? Many of us are struggling with really relaxing and just 'bringing it' and letting go of our fears.

So, last night, Joel said: "Beat yourself up, face all your demons - learn the dialogue and all these things will go away once you go home and really own this dialogue...practice practice practice! Stop translating it and just speak it." He added, and this bears more significant pondering for me anyhow, "How you teach is a reflection of your practice." Yikes. Now that scared the (yoga) pants off me. Emmy had said when she was here, "If you really want to know someone, take them to a Bikram class. By the end of Half Moon, you will know all you need to about them." These two things taken together make me wonder what one might think upon observing my practice.

I know/feel/believe I have a strong practice. I mean, duh, I am at teacher training, I'm engaged, I love love love this yoga, I work hard, try the right way as best as I can...but then the doubt creeps in. I don't have the classic "skinny yoga body," my postures are not candidates, in most cases, for the brochure (er, perhaps my savasana? maybe half-tortoise? ;) There's just this nugget of insecurity that leaves me asking, "Who do you think you are? Do you really think you have the right to teach this yoga?" Just to clarify, I'm not a puddle of insecurity - I said nugget people - but it creeps in, and I think it shows up in my practice, in my dialogue and likely countless other places in my life outside of yoga. So, now the work begins on getting over the hump and just deciding, believing that I am worthy of doing this - even though I know it in my head, I struggle to really internalize it in my heart.

Pix: Class #62 & #63; Reuben's vein-popping Locust; Group #14 pile-up! Above, Aurelie's full locust.

Day 40!!: Posture Clinics Are Back!

2008-05-15T23:24:00.000-07:00

Do you remember the show "Picture Pages?" If you do, you're hating me right now for putting that theme song in your head. Whenever I think of "Posture Clinic" I apply that melody to it and it gets stuck in my head. Except I haven't found replacement words for "time to get your crayons and your pencils..."

Anyhow, today we were back at it. We had a 3-hour session in the afternoon, and two additional hours in the evening. I'm feeling a little...exposed. Two of the three teachers (Suzanne and Craig) who proctored our afternoon session were all avid readers of my blog before they got here! I was so afraid of being less than they would expect - a fraud, that girl who blogs who really doesn't know shit. It was Cobra pose, and aside from being told I still need to show my personality and my confidence, I rocked it out. I certainly knew it (it's been like a week since I've done a posture!) but still I felt all self-conscious and weird. Don't get me wrong, I love blogging to bits - but there are a few aspects of the reality of meeting readers who have read it, and in some cases, my other weight lost surgery blog, who know me and so much about me - whilst I am just learning their name! (Why not...it's www.sheshrinks.blogspot.com and if you just want to see pics when I was quite overweight, go to www.shesshrinking.blogspot.com).

Our 5 p.m. was taught by oldschool Bikram teacher Joel. He's a bit hippie, Hare Krishna (unapologetically - while there is mention of spirituality here, never any specific religion - he's the first one). And he has a murse (man-purse) that he wears around his neck. He seems to be one of those older affiliates who can get away with whatever he wants. His class didn't flow like so many others we've had, but it was ok. The morning it was almost cold in the room, apparently a heat issue - which, it seemed, was fixed by about Eagle in the afternoon class. Oy vey. A few people left (rarer now) and everyone was just like, "whoa, wtf??" at the end. My little pal Nikki's electrolytes are off and she's had two cosmic 5 p.m. classes in a row - not just blacking out, but also not being able to hear at all. She reported, though, that since she knew she could still breathe, she focused on breathing, laid down, and did as much as she could....but afterwards, she was definitely feeling the yoga-truck had come and left its wake.

Posture clinic in the evening was super cool - Joel was surprisingly much more appreciated in this setting than in teaching the yoga class. He started with a tip on the 3rd part of Awkward. And he just had a really holistic approach to the evaluations. He'd have a person come up, he stood (rather than sitting), asked them what they're usually good at...and they, what were they working on? They he'd ask the group, "Ok, you all know him, what's he need to do better today? " and after, he'd do the same thing with the person, and then getting feedback from the group. At the end, he showed us another exercise to get a feel for what it should feel like in your arms during Locust. Super cool, interactive, and engaging. Oh, and I think we got out 5 minutes early which was also appreciated and exciting.

For Bikram Yoga Peeps, try this:
To improve your strength in 3rd part of Awkward: Go to a wall. Put your heels against the wall, feet 6 inches (honestly measure, get a ruler) apart. Touch your butt, head and your low back against the wall. Lift your heels up about 1 inch, press your knees together, and slowing bend your knees down until they are parallel to the floor. Make sure knees are forward and slightly lower than your hips. Hips 1/2" off your heels. Now, the fun part - go up the exact way you came down - squeeze your knees together, keep everything glued against the wall (butt, head, lower back) and slowing come up to a count of 10. Prepare to say, "Ouch."

I couldn't do it. I fell forward, and it showed that basically, I am not strong enough to do this posture correctly - I must be leaning forward, etc. So now I am going to practice! I hate that I struggle to come up. Hope! Yay! Now, if there was just a magic pill for flippin' triangle...

Today's Pics:

Classes #60 & #61; Chunky and Kimi playing; The 3rd Part of Awkward exercise in action at posture clinic (you try now!).